This days reading refers to the previous two Friday readings that speaks to the reader about recovery from
consistently avoiding painful feelings and situations just to play it safe and that we run the risk of not living
our lives fully.Step four should help us to realize those parts of our personalities that hold us back from
growing and recovery when we are avoiding, out of fear, distressing issues.Tapping into our groups,
sponsors, our Higher Power, Al-Anon slogans and prayers for courage should help us to see and understand
taking risks, although it maybe fearful, is part of life.
Todays reminder: "Wonderful things can happen today because I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life."
Todays Quote: "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure." "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
I had to give this some special thought and please feel free to critique me if you wish.The only thing I do that maybe
considered fearful is I, when the alcoholic is drinking, which is half the day, I stay to myself.It is much more peaceful
that way.Would that be considered not living my life?Otherwise I am a pretty fearless person, within reason. J
How does this reading affect how you view yourself and your progress with Step Four involving acceptance of those
situations that used to cause you to avoid them out of fear?
TGIF MIP Family!!{{HUGS}}
SunnyFrog said
Mar 9, 2023
Good evening
This reading made me cry. But then again it's been a hard day and I have been crying off and on all day anyway.
I have been avoiding letting go of ex-AH and turning him over to his HP out of fear. Although we are no longer together I do still worry about him and check on him and make sure he's ok. That fear of what could possibly happen to him really is holding me back from fully living my life. It's hard to let go when I am still holding on. No,actually it is impossible to let go while still holding on.
I have not made any progress with this as of yet. First I need to accept that I really am powerless and I am not responsible for what may or may not happen and just hope and pray for the best for him. Maybe just realizing that though is progress.( LOL just saying I should hope and pray for the best for him is probably progress considering all the anger and bitterness I felt towards him before)
Maybe none of this is even relevant to this reading but what's on my mind after reading it.
Have a good night
DM2021 said
Mar 10, 2023
{{SunnyFrog}} I think you are making progress because like you said you
realize what you need to work on!! Well done!!
SunnyFrog said
Mar 10, 2023
Thanks Debbie, I guess it probably is progress.
I just wanted to comment on something you said."Would that be considered not living my life?". I am assuming since you asked that maybe you must not feel like you are? I sure didn't feel like I was when I was staying to myself.
Lyne said
Mar 10, 2023
Thanks Debbie for your service and for above ESH. Progress, not perfection, can certainly be in baby steps. Putting one foot (or one thought) in front of the other is moving forward. There are many things I fear, but I make myself do them. When I have accomplished something I didn't want to do, I literally give myself a pat on the back.
Staying clear of my A is sometimes the next right thing to do. I feel proud of myself that I can plan my day and activities regardless of what the A is doing. That's what we are taught here in program, that we can be OK no matter what the A is up to. If that's doing things good for me (and my dog!) well heck, that's what I'm doing. I don't want to engage and do battle--been there, done that. To provide peace and serenity for myself is treating me with self-care. Amen.
DM2021 said
Mar 10, 2023
Thank you SunnyFrog and Lyne for your ESH and thoughts!!
Yeah, it would seem that I am most comfortable and at peace when I keep to myself because the chaos and rhetoric I am
subjected to on a daily basis is tiring. I guess I accept that this is the best way to live in order to have serenity but wanted
everyone's thoughts/experience on how you all deal with daily wrath situations when the alcoholic in your life is drinking and
combative. Oh well progress lends to perfection one step at a time indeed.
I am adding to this post as an after thought because I did some research on this board and found that how I am handing the verbal abuse is the best way. Walking away when it happens therefore not engaging and keeping my life private. I do chat
with my 'A' about household issues or the cat etc. but the rest I keep to myself. No questions about him or discussions about
current events otherwise he explodes.
-- Edited by DM2021 on Friday 10th of March 2023 01:12:52 PM
SunnyFrog said
Mar 10, 2023
I think how everyone deals with it will vary and each person does what they feel is best.
I wish keeping to myself had worked in my situation. It became impossible though when the disease escalated to the point of dealing with a raging,violent A.
If that's what works best for you Debbie then that's what's best for you in your situation.
Daffodils said
Mar 10, 2023
Happy Friday Everyone. Hugs to all. The service and shares never fail to improve my mood and enhance my growth. Reversing old thinking is definitely helping me live my own life. Last night my spouse stated he was bored. I said, "oh yeah" and went to sleep. The old me would have either taken it personally OR come up with a list of ideas to alleviate his boredom OR panicked/obsessed wondering if he might drink to cope. Anyways, this morning I shared my plans for the day and invited him to join me. He declined. I said "Ok" and left. Thanks to Al-Anon, I try not to put my plans on ice (and get a resentment in the process) or moan and groan about wasted time/opportunities. Grateful for the reminder..progress not perfection.
DM2021 said
Mar 19, 2023
I just happened upon March 25th in the One Day At A Time book, which I read a few passages
in everyday. It is about silence and as long as the silence, which maybe necessary from time
to time, is not borne out of anger, punishment or resentment then it is a productive way to
handle and deal with the alcoholic rages. Just thought it would be a good way to give some
reference to not only me but to everyone reading!! {{HUGS}}
This days reading refers to the previous two Friday readings that speaks to the reader about recovery from
consistently avoiding painful feelings and situations just to play it safe and that we run the risk of not living
our lives fully. Step four should help us to realize those parts of our personalities that hold us back from
growing and recovery when we are avoiding, out of fear, distressing issues. Tapping into our groups,
sponsors, our Higher Power, Al-Anon slogans and prayers for courage should help us to see and understand
taking risks, although it maybe fearful, is part of life.
Todays reminder: "Wonderful things can happen today because I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life."
Todays Quote: "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure." "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
I had to give this some special thought and please feel free to critique me if you wish. The only thing I do that maybe
considered fearful is I, when the alcoholic is drinking, which is half the day, I stay to myself. It is much more peaceful
that way. Would that be considered not living my life? Otherwise I am a pretty fearless person, within reason. J
How does this reading affect how you view yourself and your progress with Step Four involving acceptance of those
situations that used to cause you to avoid them out of fear?
TGIF MIP Family!! {{HUGS}}
This reading made me cry. But then again it's been a hard day and I have been crying off and on all day anyway.
I have been avoiding letting go of ex-AH and turning him over to his HP out of fear. Although we are no longer together I do still worry about him and check on him and make sure he's ok. That fear of what could possibly happen to him really is holding me back from fully living my life. It's hard to let go when I am still holding on. No,actually it is impossible to let go while still holding on.
I have not made any progress with this as of yet. First I need to accept that I really am powerless and I am not responsible for what may or may not happen and just hope and pray for the best for him. Maybe just realizing that though is progress.( LOL just saying I should hope and pray for the best for him is probably progress considering all the anger and bitterness I felt towards him before)
Maybe none of this is even relevant to this reading but what's on my mind after reading it.
Have a good night
realize what you need to work on!! Well done!!
I just wanted to comment on something you said."Would that be considered not living my life?". I am assuming since you asked that maybe you must not feel like you are? I sure didn't feel like I was when I was staying to myself.
Staying clear of my A is sometimes the next right thing to do. I feel proud of myself that I can plan my day and activities regardless of what the A is doing. That's what we are taught here in program, that we can be OK no matter what the A is up to. If that's doing things good for me (and my dog!) well heck, that's what I'm doing. I don't want to engage and do battle--been there, done that. To provide peace and serenity for myself is treating me with self-care. Amen.
Thank you SunnyFrog and Lyne for your ESH and thoughts!!
Yeah, it would seem that I am most comfortable and at peace when I keep to myself because the chaos and rhetoric I am
subjected to on a daily basis is tiring. I guess I accept that this is the best way to live in order to have serenity but wanted
everyone's thoughts/experience on how you all deal with daily wrath situations when the alcoholic in your life is drinking and
combative. Oh well progress lends to perfection one step at a time indeed.
I am adding to this post as an after thought because I did some research on this board and found that how I am handing the
verbal abuse is the best way. Walking away when it happens therefore not engaging and keeping my life private. I do chat
with my 'A' about household issues or the cat etc. but the rest I keep to myself. No questions about him or discussions about
current events otherwise he explodes.
-- Edited by DM2021 on Friday 10th of March 2023 01:12:52 PM
I wish keeping to myself had worked in my situation. It became impossible though when the disease escalated to the point of dealing with a raging,violent A.
If that's what works best for you Debbie then that's what's best for you in your situation.
in everyday. It is about silence and as long as the silence, which maybe necessary from time
to time, is not borne out of anger, punishment or resentment then it is a productive way to
handle and deal with the alcoholic rages. Just thought it would be a good way to give some
reference to not only me but to everyone reading!! {{HUGS}}