I'm relatively new to actively being involved in Al-Anon, though I have known about aspects of it most of my life and I'm about to turn 61. I'm aware that I have a huge pattern of forcing solutions. It started when I was a very young child, as my mother, who has been sober for almost 50 years, started having problems with alcohol. I'm back in a situation now where I am dealing with an alcoholic husband who is in denial about the problem. That being said, the issue of forcing solutions has cropped up in other relationships throughout my life. My question is, how do I tell the difference between when I am forcing solutions and when I am taking care of myself/working on myself/doing my part to improve the marriage? I feel that I am honestly so used to forcing solutions...even in my previous career as a school counselor, that I really don't know how to separate these out. Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated.
DM2021 said
Feb 16, 2023
I found, freedomssong while practicing the Al-Anon program, meaning minding my own business and living in the best and
most courteous way in a household with an active drinker, that if I am asked for help, that suggesting AA would then be
appropriate to helping the drinker find their solutions.
Lyne said
Feb 16, 2023
Hello freedomssong. I am guilty of trying to force solutions with my A spouse, and my grown son regarding my A. I did that for several years before finding alanon and a wonderful sponsor. In this program I have learned valuable lessons. Just to name a few, I have learned to focus on myself instead of others, whom I believe need "fixing". I also allow myself to give one suggestion, and then I let it go. These two practices have taken years of practice, and I keep coming back to alanon so I don't fall back into my bad habits. I feel much better most of the time. Progress not perfection, and Bless them, change me. :)
Hi All,
I'm relatively new to actively being involved in Al-Anon, though I have known about aspects of it most of my life and I'm about to turn 61. I'm aware that I have a huge pattern of forcing solutions. It started when I was a very young child, as my mother, who has been sober for almost 50 years, started having problems with alcohol. I'm back in a situation now where I am dealing with an alcoholic husband who is in denial about the problem. That being said, the issue of forcing solutions has cropped up in other relationships throughout my life. My question is, how do I tell the difference between when I am forcing solutions and when I am taking care of myself/working on myself/doing my part to improve the marriage? I feel that I am honestly so used to forcing solutions...even in my previous career as a school counselor, that I really don't know how to separate these out. Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated.
most courteous way in a household with an active drinker, that if I am asked for help, that suggesting AA would then be
appropriate to helping the drinker find their solutions.