The author of todays reading discusses how to tell the difference between compassion for the alcoholic and enabling their bad behavior.
They point out that it is not always clear but that looking at their motives for the intervention in that situation is helpful.
Will interfering change the outcome or consequences of that persons choices or will their stepping in be actually doing something for them
that they should be doing for themselves?
Will doing something for them be best for that loved one or is it best for them selves and will they later resent what their doing?
If the answer is yes to those questions the author suggests that we consider that sometimes compassion is letting others take responsibility
for their behavior.
Todays reminder: "Today I will remember that I have choices, and so does the alcoholic." "I will make the best choices I can and allow
others in my life to do the same without interference."
Todays Quote: "I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone." ~ Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism
Once I learned how to see and admit my motives it became so very clear to me and am so grateful to Al-Anon for showing me how to really be compassionate.
When I stopped interfering I learned and attained a new level of peace for me and respect for the alcoholic.
TGIF MIP Family!!
P.S. So sorry posting late today!!
SunnyFrog said
Jan 6, 2023
Good evening.
Sometimes it's so hard to know if something I have done or will do is enabling. I am getting much better at taking the time to actually stop and think long term though. Most times I have made decisions in the heat of the moment based on what I thought would make ME feel better rather than allowing others to suffer any consequences for their actions or behavior. And most times that always made things worse not better.
It's hard watching those you love suffer consequences but I'm glad that I have finally realized that's what's best even if I don't like it or it hurts me. And that enabling, although it once felt like I was showing compassion, was not compassion at all. It was plain ole' enabling and manipulation too actually since I was trying to change the outcome of situations to benefit myself.
Have a good night!
DM2021 said
Jan 6, 2023
SunnyFrog, it sounds like you, like all of us, are working the program.
I find these issues to be a bit tricky as well, but everyone has different environments
and folks that they are dealing with so it is a very personal for each of us.
Great job Sunnyfrogs!!!
Lyne said
Jan 7, 2023
Thanks Debbie for your service and all the wise ESH above. Doing something that someone else should be doing for themself, is what I needed understanding about this entire alcoholism situation. Before program, I thought I should point out what my A should be doing, and I did. I made meeting lists, gave alcohol counselors name and numbers, suggested how all that could fit in the schedule, etc. Perhaps my suggestions were given with care and love, but I had to learn it's NONE OF MY BUSINESS. Learning to focus on myself was quite a challenge at first, but in doing just that, I am able to have peace and serenity much of the time. The alanon teachings are so simple, yet so profound and hard. Grateful member always. :)
DM2021 said
Jan 7, 2023
Lyne, I am so happy for my progress as well!! Glad we found some serenity!!
Daffodils said
Jan 7, 2023
Thank you Debbie for your service and ESH. SunnyFrog and Lyne, I appreciate your helpful insights . My ability to be compassionate is affected by the circumstance and my spiritual fitness level. Today, the best I can do is shut up and focus on tasks. I am in no mood to hear about a health issue someone chooses to ignore. I am giving them the respect and dignity to sort it out in their own way and timing. Keeping judgements to myself is the best I can offer...today. Thanks for the reminders to focus on self.
The author of todays reading discusses how to tell the difference between compassion for the alcoholic and enabling their bad behavior.
They point out that it is not always clear but that looking at their motives for the intervention in that situation is helpful.
Will interfering change the outcome or consequences of that persons choices or will their stepping in be actually doing something for them
that they should be doing for themselves?
Will doing something for them be best for that loved one or is it best for them selves and will they later resent what their doing?
If the answer is yes to those questions the author suggests that we consider that sometimes compassion is letting others take responsibility
for their behavior.
Todays reminder: "Today I will remember that I have choices, and so does the alcoholic." "I will make the best choices I can and allow
others in my life to do the same without interference."
Todays Quote: "I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone." ~ Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism
Once I learned how to see and admit my motives it became so very clear to me and am so grateful to Al-Anon for showing me how to really be compassionate.
When I stopped interfering I learned and attained a new level of peace for me and respect for the alcoholic.
TGIF MIP Family!!
P.S. So sorry posting late today!!
Sometimes it's so hard to know if something I have done or will do is enabling. I am getting much better at taking the time to actually stop and think long term though. Most times I have made decisions in the heat of the moment based on what I thought would make ME feel better rather than allowing others to suffer any consequences for their actions or behavior. And most times that always made things worse not better.
It's hard watching those you love suffer consequences but I'm glad that I have finally realized that's what's best even if I don't like it or it hurts me. And that enabling, although it once felt like I was showing compassion, was not compassion at all. It was plain ole' enabling and manipulation too actually since I was trying to change the outcome of situations to benefit myself.
Have a good night!
I find these issues to be a bit tricky as well, but everyone has different environments
and folks that they are dealing with so it is a very personal for each of us.
Great job Sunnyfrogs!!!