Hope for Today, Monday, 10/17, separating the "drunk" from the person
Lyne said
Oct 16, 2022
The writer thought of his father, who had died years earlier, as "the drunk," and carried anger for many years. This writer went to meetings, did step work, prayed, and had a sponsor. But it wasn't until the writer got some of his personal belongings, his wallet, photos, etc., that the writer was able to see his dad apart from his alcoholism. In many ways, he was just a regular guy who had people and things he loved. This writer was able to see his father as "dad" for the first time. Reminder: I know I'm recovering when I can see the alcoholic in my life as a human being.
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It's taken me years to let go of my anger towards my A, develop some compassion, and separate the alcoholic from the person. I think it's hard to do this when one lives with an active drinker, even though it sporadic drinking. There is a human being there who deserves love and respect, and when the A's behavior is problematic, it can be very hard to do this. I'm trying to let go and let God, detach with love, keep in mind the 3 A's and the 3 C's, but at times it feels like a part-time job. And it's a hard job at that. Grateful member always.
Youknowme said
Oct 16, 2022
Thanks Lyne.
It can be really difficult. I know I struggle at times with this in relation to my brother; so much disruption and worry has come from his illness and it's hard sometimes not to be resentful. I had a rare sober (well, relatively sober) conversation with him recently and it was so nice to see the brother I love even if it was just for a short time. Then i was told later he got extra drunk afterwards and caused a lot of disruption again. I'm grateful for that reminder of who he is.
DM2021 said
Oct 17, 2022
Thank you Lyne for your service and to you and YKM for both your shares.
I do feel that these several years spent in Al-Anon has definitely changed my view of the
active drinker in my life. I too am grateful that I can separate the drinking/chaos from the person
because I can feel so much more in control of my environment and not such a victim!!
The writer thought of his father, who had died years earlier, as "the drunk," and carried anger for many years. This writer went to meetings, did step work, prayed, and had a sponsor. But it wasn't until the writer got some of his personal belongings, his wallet, photos, etc., that the writer was able to see his dad apart from his alcoholism. In many ways, he was just a regular guy who had people and things he loved. This writer was able to see his father as "dad" for the first time. Reminder: I know I'm recovering when I can see the alcoholic in my life as a human being.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It's taken me years to let go of my anger towards my A, develop some compassion, and separate the alcoholic from the person. I think it's hard to do this when one lives with an active drinker, even though it sporadic drinking. There is a human being there who deserves love and respect, and when the A's behavior is problematic, it can be very hard to do this. I'm trying to let go and let God, detach with love, keep in mind the 3 A's and the 3 C's, but at times it feels like a part-time job. And it's a hard job at that. Grateful member always.
It can be really difficult. I know I struggle at times with this in relation to my brother; so much disruption and worry has come from his illness and it's hard sometimes not to be resentful. I had a rare sober (well, relatively sober) conversation with him recently and it was so nice to see the brother I love even if it was just for a short time. Then i was told later he got extra drunk afterwards and caused a lot of disruption again. I'm grateful for that reminder of who he is.
I do feel that these several years spent in Al-Anon has definitely changed my view of the
active drinker in my life. I too am grateful that I can separate the drinking/chaos from the person
because I can feel so much more in control of my environment and not such a victim!!