My A giving me a soliloquy (a drama giving inner thoughts) fortunately occurs less frequently than it used to, but it is impossible to have a rational conversation.  And my A denies drinking.  I think I handled it better than in the past--it was not a fight, no angry accusations happened, I did interject thoughts now and then, but I still HATE listening to it and I know it comes from a place of illness.  After about an hour I ended the conversation, and as usual, I am accused of "not wanting to communicate.".   There is no winning or resolution that comes from an exchange like this.  Today I feel kind of disgusted, but I'm going to be busy and take a long walk with my dog, and this too shall pass.  I just needed to vent to those of you who may be subjected to this behavior as well.  Thanks for listening.

I can relate to this and would just shut down sometimes and then be accused of being cold or not a very good communicator. The funny thing is my husband is not even an A just runs in his family like mine and he has unresolved cycles that I find myself attracted to. Since I left the blinders keep coming off slowly and I am realizing just how much chaos I let back into my life. I do enjoy taking my dogs on walks and getting out into nature to clear my head and keep myself in a healthy mind set. I've learned about myself that I am not good at detaching with love. Maybe it's the codependent in me, or my lapse in letting my program work slip thinking I was magically cured. Alas I am reminded of this program that requires me to continually do the work and be mindful of my own sickness. I can't fix my broken mind with my own broken mind. That is why I am digging back into the daily readers and keeping my head in my program. I have found working out and reading has helped me to get back on track. Sending you love and support on your journey!