I moved to a new State with my youngest daughter and left my husband since after a few years of begging him to treat her in a loving manner and his refusal, I did what was right for her mental health. He had gone as far as to laugh when she was feeling suicidal when she couldn't understand why her birth father an alcoholic couldn't love her enough to quit drinking and step up as a dad. He said she was faking it for attention and my answer was even if that was the case then give her some love and attention and he just laughed.  He failed us and now I've moved a State away near two of my brothers for a fresh start. I bought a house and started a new job. I felt so good and strong getting here, now that I am here, I am exhausted and angry. After having to move in with assistance but setting everything up alone I'm just not in a good place! My daughter started high school and is doing better than in her last school and has family, cousin support here which is awesome. I'm in a huge funk and I am again merely surviving, and I hate it. I do not transition well; I am having a hard time doing anything extra and just want to shut down. When I left my first husband I went through this transition and came out the other side working out and walking and doing so well, dug into my al-anon books and meetings and felt so strong. This time I am older and just more exhausted than ever before, so angry at my husband and myself for allowing all the cycles of old coming back, even though isn't an alcoholic the rest was there. I allowed myself to be devalued and gaslighted, but even worse for him to eat away at my daughter's self-worth/esteem all while treating his daughters' so well! I am just so disgusted at this point and just needed to vent! Sending you all so much love and support on your journey's!