Powerful reading today that touches on the very heart of Alanon: dropping our efforts to control others. 

Controlling can take many forms: direct, subtly manipulative, outright reconstruction or light interference, obsessive observation, counseling, taking over their responsibilities. All have the same end: defeat for both parties.

I may even think that I have the right, even the obligation, to guide and direct them because of feeling superior in knowledge, insight, or moral compass and lack of alcohol dependance...Alanon suggests that is spiritual blindness.

From Tolstoy comes this impactful image of what this looks like:

Reminder: "I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means - except by getting off his back."

"Teach me to leave to others their inborn right to dignity and independence, as I wish to have them leave mine to me." - unattributed

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Oh my...back to the basics. Trying to control the alcoholic in my life is what brought me to Alanon and the realization that I needed help. With the help of the program, I reduced my interference involving alcohol to the degree that allowed them the freedom to find their own way, and me to start on the road to spiritual recovery and consistent bouts of Serenity...but that was just the beginning. 

I am also powerless over other people, places and things...really, everything outside of myself, in all aspects of life, not just involving alcohol. 

There are endless opportunities to let go and grow. There are layers to peel back in recovery, and as I continue my journey I have new realizations of where I can apply this core principle more, more consistently, more effectively.

These are areas that I don't first see as interference, control, but in fact they most certainly are. I have just discovered a giant area of work in a key relationship that I have been blinded to for years...huge opportunity to apply this principle towards, allow for more peace and respect for them, peace and respect for myself. 

If I am feeling vexed with someone, there is a good chance I can trace it back to an attempt to control. A certainty that I can experience more peace by applying more cowbell er, Program (2000 Christopher Walken reference, couldn't resist )

So grateful for the reminders  

Paul, thanks for your service and wonderful ESH! OMG, I came to alanon to help me control my A! Highly disappointing at first, but it was a trade off in learning to (trying to) control myself. Betty was gently on my case often for trying to force solutions. Peace and respect for me allows peace and respect for others, and vice versa. And of course, we always need more cowbell. :)

Love today's reading topic Paul, thank you for your service and to you and Lyne for both your ESH.

When I let go and let God and mind my own business there is peace!!

I agree about the "cowbell" analogy - more smiles are much better!!

The other day, AH had to drive my car and must have hit a curb that loosened the wheel cover so

that it was visible off center on the tire. I thought the rim was bent and had it checked out but

it turned out that the cover was loose and needed to be be readjusted and tightened down.

I instinctively did not ask what happened, I just gently pointed out that I noticed an issue with

the tire/cover and found the remedy. The look on AH's face, his demeanor and the fact that he

never owned up (did not expect him to, cause he never does) was so freeing!!! There was no

attitude/argument to deal with and I just moved on. I have learned with Al-Anon's help that

these issues, which pop up everyday lately, do not matter at all. Placing priority on what is

important is a major way to attain nirvana.    Grateful!!