“Learning to feel good about ourselves” – C2C – July 01, 2022
DM2021 said
Jun 30, 2022
The author of todays Courage to Change suggests that some of us readers have spent too much time feeling "critical of ourselves",
mainly/possibly because of the critical environment we have been exposed to for so long.
Al-Anon suggests that at the end of each day we (mentally or physically) list our "positive qualities" in order to "counteract those
negative and self-critical thoughts". It is suggested that it would be helpful to list 5 10 assets about our day that we feel good
about before we go to sleep each night.
The goal is, "with practice we will learn to treat ourselves with gentleness and compassion".
Todays Reminder: "Today I will make an effort to remember that I am a terrific human being".
Todays Quote: "Everthing there is but lovin' leaves a rust on yo soul". ~ Langston Hughes
This reading does really speak to me, but what I struggle with the most is how the alcoholic in my life has so much disrespect for
themselves and our marriage.It is a sad epithet that if it were not for Al-Anon I would have been long gone several years ago.
I have not lost hope/faith because I continue to ask my HP to help and guide me to do what is best.I accept that I cannot cause,
control or cure the disease of alcoholism.I find that there are good times, which never last very long and then I am thrown the
old nasty curve ball and it is then that I need to soul search to find my peace again.Mediation does help a lot!!I do not want to
shut the alcoholic out, but I find in order to preserve my well being I cannot engage with them concerning anything but maybe the
cat and household topics.Beyond that is a verbal contest and I find that those contests and the alcoholic defensiveness very
disturbing and demeaning.
I learned early on in Al-Anon that feeling critical and bad about myself is what the disease wants and does to those of some of us
who are living with an active drinker or even one who is trying to get sober.It is coming to terms on a daily basis with the
rhetoric/chaos that still takes my breath away.I am trying to find a half way medium so that the disease does not disappointment
me at such regular intervals.
How do you deal with negative and self critical issues?
-- Edited by DM2021 on Thursday 30th of June 2022 06:15:29 PM
WendyP said
Jun 30, 2022
Hi,DM2021, it's WendyP, I can relate so much with your journey, and as I have posted before, I am not living with active Alcoholism, but my effects. I have learnt that I would have them whether I was living with an Active Alcoholic, that is what was left for me. My 2nd Husband was so nasty, and tried to destroy and take everything off me that he could. Relationships, even had 2 of my children[Not his} brainwashed into believing it was me. I was the problem, thankfully through him, I found Al-Anon. But, Boy, I can remember the times when he would stand in front of me, and give it to me, and I would have to look at him and tell myself, this is the disease speaking. His Alcoholism stripped me to the bones, Al-Anon is helping me put myself back together again. It was the people in Al-Anon who helped me so much, when he would get me, I always had a shoulder to cry on and a great big hug. So I am sending you my shoulder, and a great big hug.
I still suffer, like yourself with those thoughts that I am not good enough, the stinking thinking. I have to work very hard to keep them at bay. How do I do that, I stop and remember where I was, where I am now. For how far I have come, that I have been infected by an incurable disease. For the Courage to try and keep going when I want to give up. To put one foot in front of the other, to be grateful for what I do have, the people who love me, it helps me believe that I am a nice, loving person. One that God loves no matter what, I look at myself in the mirror, and ask myself, "Are you proud of the person, who looks back". I also, doubts my doubts.
I will leave you with this, I can remember reading it, it helps me keep it simple.If I have someone to Love, Some who loves me, Something to do, and Something to Look Forward to. For when I stop and ask myself if I have all those components in my life, then everything after that is a Bonus. I hope this helps.
Take Care,
Love WendyP.
Lyne said
Jul 1, 2022
Thanks Debbie for your service and all above ESH. Wow, my story is very close to your's. My untreated A also disrespects herself and our marriage. Although she believes alanon has destroyed me, it is the only reason I have lasted 30 years. Yes there are those occasional moments of connecting with positivity, and then the hammer falls.
First, I learned to verbally abuse myself in my FOO--had a very raging brother and parents who did not protect me. Then I've married two alcoholics, and the verbal abuse continued. Besides for doing Step 4 several times with Betty, she had me do a daily homework. One part of the homework was to list one of my assets everyday. At first it was unbearable to come up with an asset! But after a long time, I ended up with pages! It works when you work it! Grateful member always.
DM2021 said
Jul 2, 2022
Thank you so much {{WendyP}}, {{Lyne}} and {{TT}} for all your ESH.
I did not mean for a reading to turn into a quest for myself, just wanted to be honest that
I am still working on the issue(s) and lessons presented in that daily reading!!
Living with and loving an alcoholic is a challenge for sure, what I need to come to terms
with is that there is no disappointments because there are no expectations. I am getting
The author of todays Courage to Change suggests that some of us readers have spent too much time feeling "critical of ourselves",
mainly/possibly because of the critical environment we have been exposed to for so long.
Al-Anon suggests that at the end of each day we (mentally or physically) list our "positive qualities" in order to "counteract those
negative and self-critical thoughts". It is suggested that it would be helpful to list 5 10 assets about our day that we feel good
about before we go to sleep each night.
The goal is, "with practice we will learn to treat ourselves with gentleness and compassion".
Todays Reminder: "Today I will make an effort to remember that I am a terrific human being".
Todays Quote: "Everthing there is but lovin' leaves a rust on yo soul". ~ Langston Hughes
This reading does really speak to me, but what I struggle with the most is how the alcoholic in my life has so much disrespect for
themselves and our marriage. It is a sad epithet that if it were not for Al-Anon I would have been long gone several years ago.
I have not lost hope/faith because I continue to ask my HP to help and guide me to do what is best. I accept that I cannot cause,
control or cure the disease of alcoholism. I find that there are good times, which never last very long and then I am thrown the
old nasty curve ball and it is then that I need to soul search to find my peace again. Mediation does help a lot!! I do not want to
shut the alcoholic out, but I find in order to preserve my well being I cannot engage with them concerning anything but maybe the
cat and household topics. Beyond that is a verbal contest and I find that those contests and the alcoholic defensiveness very
disturbing and demeaning.
I learned early on in Al-Anon that feeling critical and bad about myself is what the disease wants and does to those of some of us
who are living with an active drinker or even one who is trying to get sober. It is coming to terms on a daily basis with the
rhetoric/chaos that still takes my breath away. I am trying to find a half way medium so that the disease does not disappointment
me at such regular intervals.
How do you deal with negative and self critical issues?
-- Edited by DM2021 on Thursday 30th of June 2022 06:15:29 PM
Hi,DM2021, it's WendyP, I can relate so much with your journey, and as I have posted before, I am not living with active Alcoholism, but my effects. I have learnt that I would have them whether I was living with an Active Alcoholic, that is what was left for me. My 2nd Husband was so nasty, and tried to destroy and take everything off me that he could. Relationships, even had 2 of my children[Not his} brainwashed into believing it was me. I was the problem, thankfully through him, I found Al-Anon. But, Boy, I can remember the times when he would stand in front of me, and give it to me, and I would have to look at him and tell myself, this is the disease speaking. His Alcoholism stripped me to the bones, Al-Anon is helping me put myself back together again. It was the people in Al-Anon who helped me so much, when he would get me, I always had a shoulder to cry on and a great big hug. So I am sending you my shoulder, and a great big hug.
I still suffer, like yourself with those thoughts that I am not good enough, the stinking thinking. I have to work very hard to keep them at bay. How do I do that, I stop and remember where I was, where I am now. For how far I have come, that I have been infected by an incurable disease. For the Courage to try and keep going when I want to give up. To put one foot in front of the other, to be grateful for what I do have, the people who love me, it helps me believe that I am a nice, loving person. One that God loves no matter what, I look at myself in the mirror, and ask myself, "Are you proud of the person, who looks back". I also, doubts my doubts.
I will leave you with this, I can remember reading it, it helps me keep it simple.If I have someone to Love, Some who loves me, Something to do, and Something to Look Forward to. For when I stop and ask myself if I have all those components in my life, then everything after that is a Bonus. I hope this helps.
Take Care,
Love WendyP.
Thanks Debbie for your service and all above ESH. Wow, my story is very close to your's. My untreated A also disrespects herself and our marriage. Although she believes alanon has destroyed me, it is the only reason I have lasted 30 years. Yes there are those occasional moments of connecting with positivity, and then the hammer falls.
First, I learned to verbally abuse myself in my FOO--had a very raging brother and parents who did not protect me. Then I've married two alcoholics, and the verbal abuse continued. Besides for doing Step 4 several times with Betty, she had me do a daily homework. One part of the homework was to list one of my assets everyday. At first it was unbearable to come up with an asset! But after a long time, I ended up with pages! It works when you work it! Grateful member always.
I did not mean for a reading to turn into a quest for myself, just wanted to be honest that
I am still working on the issue(s) and lessons presented in that daily reading!!
Living with and loving an alcoholic is a challenge for sure, what I need to come to terms
with is that there is no disappointments because there are no expectations. I am getting
there.