I still fall victim, every once in a while to those times when the alcoholic in my life speaks to me in a nasty/rude way.My first reaction/thought
is how dare they treat me and speak to me that way!!!I have come a long way in my ability to pause and not react, because I can see how
when I do not engage and detach from these provocations that I really have changed the whole atmosphere of the household and there is less
future provocation that I have to endure because the alcoholic is not getting my goat on a continual basis!!!
Reminds me of the quote (not Al-Anon), that "If you don't want someone to get your goat, don't let them know where you tied it up!"
How have all of you found when pausing and not reacting, that it has changed your life?
SunnyFrog said
Jun 3, 2022
Good morning
This is a perfect and timely topic for me.
Yesterday I was over tired and fell prey to the the little poke...poke...poke...and reacted so extremely that I embarrassed myself in front of others. I did apologize to those that heard and saw but then I fell prey again later in the day,but at least it wasn't in front of anyone else the second time. It still made me feel just as bad about myself though for losing my patience and serenity like that.
What has been helping(besides yesterday) is reciting the Serenity prayer to myself and turning my focus to my HP. It's kinda hard to react like a crazy person while doing that. But it always works when I take a minute to pause and do that. Hopefully today goes better since I am rested now.
Have a good day.
Lyne said
Jun 3, 2022
Thanks Debbie for your service and for all above ESH. First of all, PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION! I can now not engage most of the time, but this is only after years of practice. My A had a cut and bruised arm that she could not explain. I left her an article on blackouts with no expectations. She said she read it but then remembered she hurt herself at her job. I know there is a lie in there, but did not respond in any way. I kept silent and instead of feeling powerless, I felt powerful. I know the truth, and that's good enough for me.
Daffodils said
Jun 5, 2022
Good Day Everyone. This reading/shares on Friday gave me lots to chew on and sure enough, I got a chance to apply the lessons. Yesterday, during a baseball game, my hubby blew a gasket. I firmly told him to "calm down", and teasingly added "unless you've bet our house on the game". He smiled and cooled off. Once upon a time, I would have become anxious, walked on eggshells and my mood would have soured . By using Al-Anon tools /ESH, I'm free to be me and don't allow another's tantrum ruin my day. DM2021, I still get a kick out your goat quote since you shared it over a year ago...Thank you all for contributing to my serenity.
Seahorse7 said
Jun 5, 2022
I am better at keeping my mouth shut, but then I carry around silent resentment and anger. I do not know how to turn that off because I blame him for ruining what we had. Therefore I have not really achieved any kind of serenity. It is a daily struggle for me.
DM2021 said
Jun 9, 2022
I lost (most) of the resentment {{Seahorse7}} when I discovered that my ego was playing too large a part in most situations of conflict with the alcoholic.
I must remember that I am dealing with someone who has a disease, so the silent, resentful punishing issues are my own ego issues.
In today reading the author speaks to us about our reactions to the alcoholic rhetoric that is described as provocations that we tend to try
and defend ourselves from. But what we do need to see, instead of reacting, is the big picture in the midst of this chaos. When we use
Step One and admit our powerlessness over the alcoholic/disease we immediately see that defending ourselves is not the right path to
take because it only leads to our loss of serenity and doesnt change the situation or the alcoholic.
The greater issue is safety and when our safety is not at risk, we can take time to make the choices about how we respond/react. We
are reminded that we do not have to justify ourselves to anyone!! By leaning on our HP for protection it is considered our best defense.
Quote: "Once we learned to see our situation as it really was, we understood why it was necessary for us to turn to a Power greater than
ourselves". ~ Al-Anons Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions
I still fall victim, every once in a while to those times when the alcoholic in my life speaks to me in a nasty/rude way. My first reaction/thought
is how dare they treat me and speak to me that way!!! I have come a long way in my ability to pause and not react, because I can see how
when I do not engage and detach from these provocations that I really have changed the whole atmosphere of the household and there is less
future provocation that I have to endure because the alcoholic is not getting my goat on a continual basis!!!
Reminds me of the quote (not Al-Anon), that "If you don't want someone to get your goat, don't let them know where you tied it up!"
How have all of you found when pausing and not reacting, that it has changed your life?
This is a perfect and timely topic for me.
Yesterday I was over tired and fell prey to the the little poke...poke...poke...and reacted so extremely that I embarrassed myself in front of others. I did apologize to those that heard and saw but then I fell prey again later in the day,but at least it wasn't in front of anyone else the second time. It still made me feel just as bad about myself though for losing my patience and serenity like that.
What has been helping(besides yesterday) is reciting the Serenity prayer to myself and turning my focus to my HP. It's kinda hard to react like a crazy person while doing that. But it always works when I take a minute to pause and do that. Hopefully today goes better since I am rested now.
Have a good day.
I must remember that I am dealing with someone who has a disease, so the silent, resentful punishing issues are my own ego issues.