In today's reading, the author shares that Al-Anon meetings are the place they are likely to get an honest answer to the question "how are you?" For years, the only possible answer to this question was "fine, how are you? "
For the author, this denial is a symptom of the effects of alcoholism. Many of those who live with the effects of alcoholism have learned to pretend that everything is just fine, even when the house is falling down around our ears.
Today, the author uses the question as a way to check in with themselves. Although they don't always chose to share everything that is going on, they find it important to be in environments where they can be honest about how they really are doing. Moving past denial also gives the author the freedom to make choices.
Today's Reminder: How do I feel today? How am I doing? If I can answer those questions truthfully, I am more likely to pursue the help I need and to share the happy times with others as well.
Today's Quote: "We can say what we mean only if we have the courage to be honest with ourselves and with others." The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
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One thing that has always bothered me about the American culture is that we use "how are you?" "Fine, how are you?" as a greeting. I've noticed in this culture that the words are said without awareness of the questions or answers, and any answer other than "fine" or "ok" is met with extreme discomfort. Over the years, I've come to accept this, but I appreciate Al-Anon and other brave spaces as places where the question is asked intentionally, and the answers are expected to be thoughtful and honest.
One thing I do know is that I tend to pretend everything is fine, even when it is not. It helps me feel like I can handle what is going on. For me, this looks like being in control of myself, responding to others appropriately, and meeting my commitments outside the home. I know when my house starts to get messy or muddy that things are not going well for me, and I use that as a way to check in and consider how I am doing, and whether there is anything I would like to change to make my situation more manageable. I really appreciate being able to check in with myself and be honest with myself, even if I don't necessarily broadcast that information to others.
Right now, I'm really struggling to hold things together. the transition from school year to summer break is coming up, and my wife and one kiddo are experiencing mental health crisis at the same time. I'm using the program tools to stay focused, stay in the moment, do the next right thing, and put out the brightest burning fire first. This isn't leaving me much time for self-care right now, but I'm hopeful that we will see things settle down in the next month, and that I'll have time to take care of myself a bit more. For now, Al-Anon meetings and sporadic check-ins with the board, a full night's sleep and healthy food are my priorities. My house is a disorganized muddy disaster, but as I spend less time with crisis management, I will have more time for cleaning. (And, as spring turns to summer, we will have more grass and less mud in the backyard for the dogs to track in!)
I hope you make today a great day!
Lyne said
May 26, 2022
{{{Skorpi}}} I'm feeling you are a good example of making lemonade from lemons, even if it's very difficult. You can focus and handle priorities--that takes good coping. When I am falling apart, I try to acknowledge the reality of my situation. Then I turn to my tool box to see what can help, and almost always something does--let go and let God, how important is it, think, breathe, talk to HP, and of course find a human if need be. We don't have to suffer alone and I'm glad you allowed your sharing on the board. I can certainly relate. {{{more hugs}}}
Hello MIP!
In today's reading, the author shares that Al-Anon meetings are the place they are likely to get an honest answer to the question "how are you?" For years, the only possible answer to this question was "fine, how are you? "
For the author, this denial is a symptom of the effects of alcoholism. Many of those who live with the effects of alcoholism have learned to pretend that everything is just fine, even when the house is falling down around our ears.
Today, the author uses the question as a way to check in with themselves. Although they don't always chose to share everything that is going on, they find it important to be in environments where they can be honest about how they really are doing. Moving past denial also gives the author the freedom to make choices.
Today's Reminder: How do I feel today? How am I doing? If I can answer those questions truthfully, I am more likely to pursue the help I need and to share the happy times with others as well.
Today's Quote: "We can say what we mean only if we have the courage to be honest with ourselves and with others." The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
----------------
One thing that has always bothered me about the American culture is that we use "how are you?" "Fine, how are you?" as a greeting. I've noticed in this culture that the words are said without awareness of the questions or answers, and any answer other than "fine" or "ok" is met with extreme discomfort. Over the years, I've come to accept this, but I appreciate Al-Anon and other brave spaces as places where the question is asked intentionally, and the answers are expected to be thoughtful and honest.
One thing I do know is that I tend to pretend everything is fine, even when it is not. It helps me feel like I can handle what is going on. For me, this looks like being in control of myself, responding to others appropriately, and meeting my commitments outside the home. I know when my house starts to get messy or muddy that things are not going well for me, and I use that as a way to check in and consider how I am doing, and whether there is anything I would like to change to make my situation more manageable. I really appreciate being able to check in with myself and be honest with myself, even if I don't necessarily broadcast that information to others.
Right now, I'm really struggling to hold things together. the transition from school year to summer break is coming up, and my wife and one kiddo are experiencing mental health crisis at the same time. I'm using the program tools to stay focused, stay in the moment, do the next right thing, and put out the brightest burning fire first. This isn't leaving me much time for self-care right now, but I'm hopeful that we will see things settle down in the next month, and that I'll have time to take care of myself a bit more. For now, Al-Anon meetings and sporadic check-ins with the board, a full night's sleep and healthy food are my priorities. My house is a disorganized muddy disaster, but as I spend less time with crisis management, I will have more time for cleaning. (And, as spring turns to summer, we will have more grass and less mud in the backyard for the dogs to track in!)
I hope you make today a great day!