Over the years in Alanon Ive been able to develop healthy behaviors and important boundaries where my A husband is concerned. I feel happy in my life and his drinking/mistakes dont take the toll they once did on me. Keeping the focus on myself and gratitude are just a couple of ways I have realized there is no need to go down with the ship every time so to speak. Last night I had dinner with a non-Alanon friend who spent the evening shoulding all over me, telling me I am trying to convince myself when explaining myself, and standing in quite harsh judgement of me. This is not the first time this has happened with this friend of more than half of my life. I woke up today mad I sat through this again. Why did I put myself in this position? I realize this is crazy to be thinking about. I know non-Alanon people do not have the ability to understand my experience and choices. Why was I expecting things would be different this time? Why am I taking it personally that this person hasnt learned what we know in Alanon? My friend was trying to be a good friend by saying all of the wrong things and I foolishly was trying to remain open and allow intimacy by sharing what would never be received well without the learnings of Alanon. No amount of back and forth was going to let this conversation end well yet I kept it up. This was a different merry go round but fueled by the same idea. I need to keep the focus on me and stop expecting different results for the same thing. I also need to stop seeking approval where I dont need it and cannot get it. If I approve and I am happy that needs to be enough from now on and not be up for discussion in the first place.

{{{sunmustshine}}}. Wow, it sounds to me as you know just what happened, and what you need to do to keep yourself fine and dandy in the face of trouble. Most non alanon people cannot understand why anyone would stay with an alcoholic. A very smart person in our program said once that she wouldn't leave her husband if he had any other illness, so she stays with him and supports him as she can, and makes herself a priority.

And of course we all know, you cannot get bread in the hardware store!