Stopping back in to say hi and share my good news - I've got a house!
Fedora said
Apr 21, 2022
Hi there. It has been awhile since I've been here but I wanted to be sure to stop in and say HELLO and share my life update. I've got a new house - the sellers just accepted my offer and in a month I'll be moving out of this little apartment to my own digs.
I'm coming up on the 1st anniversary of my divorce finalization and oh wow what a difference a year makes.
First - the things that are the same: my ex. Just today he spent a verrrrry long time sending me a stream of unpleasant texts, trying for the zillionth time to rewrite history, to make his view of the world more real. That is - that he's not an alcoholic, that I'm crazy, un-loyal, and yada yada you know the script. A year ago (exactly) he was sending me the same garbage, but the effect it had on me was like a brick wall squashing me beneath its weight. I was doing my best to work my program, but it is Hard to do that when you've got an active drinker unleashing all of his crazy at you. So much stress. Couldn't sleep, was overeating a ton, having panic attacks, just looking awful. Not parenting. Just existing.
A year later, I'm LOVING the single life. Solitude when everyone for several miles around me is sober - OH glory. My ex has been spewing the same garbage at me for ages but geographical distance has made it possible for me to relax and start healing. I'm so much braver than I was - now I know for sure that I do not have to tolerate that kind of behavior, nor do I have to respond to it. Today I did eventually respond but only after making sure I was calm, and that I was able to "stick to the facts". I did not lecture him, nor did I respond to anything that was part of his revisionist history. I also put the phone away so I could watch my kid play his sporting match. (I invited his dad to attend .. but, surprise-not-at-all - he didn't show up. I don't think my kid was sorry. He's worried about his dad embarrassing him in public, and I think that worry is warranted.) And I loved all the minutes of it. My ex's behavior did not ruin for me. :) What a life!
I will miss this tiny apartment; the memory of the first day I got the keys, laying down on the carpet and being quiet, knowing that I was safe from the reach of my ex - truly one of the greatest and best moments of my life. Having my kids sprawled out on the sofa with me, playing on their phones, no body worried about having to accommodate the drunk person in our family or being subject to his narcissistic behaviors for a few beautiful hours. The peace we all shared. True serenity and magic. Nearly all days of the week I wake up eager to see what the day has in store for me. Even on the days when work is hard and a lot is pressing on my mind - it is normal stuff. Not drunk stuff. Not "how will I endure this" stuff.
Funny side note: at work we had a big issue that was causing people a lot of grief. I didn't even notice it was a problem until several co-workers spoke to me and wanted to commiserate with me. I just sat there and thought, "soooo - is everyone sober? Yes? Well then we can fix this no problem!" If I have rational people with whom I am dealing, well, all things can be resolved!
Anyway, I found this house. It was only a tiny bit above my ideal price, and no one else showed up to start a bidding war! (I got into the house for a showing a couple of hours after my realtor alerted me to it.) Everything is renovated. I won't have to do a thing except move my stuff in!
This will put a real exclamation point on my new life. A great way to celebrate choosing a healthy life. :)
bud said
Apr 22, 2022
Congratulations Fedora and wishing you all things good for your new steps forward!!! You are so lucky to have your bid accepted without competition... and it's even more wonderful to hear that you choose YOU and health!
It was helpful to read your journey and progress. I recently put the wheels in motion for a life transition and move and many things started bubbling up... I became nostalgic about my start in my current home of 35 years. I can relate to the bittersweetness of leaving some sweet memories and the opportunity to shed some of the unpleasant associations that I wasn't aware I was harboring. I've been anxious because of the uncertainty and love the idea of keeping the focus on celebrating health one day at a time.
Lyne said
Apr 22, 2022
{{{Fedora}}} Keep on keeping on! Looks good on you! :)
DM2021 said
Apr 22, 2022
Congratulations Fedora!!! Sending you and your children my best in your new home!!!
Thanks for your update!! Keep coming back to let us know how everything is going.
PosiesandPuppies said
Apr 22, 2022
Congratulations Fedora! What a great update!
I can really relate when you said, "Even on the days when work is hard and a lot is pressing on my mind - it is normal stuff. Not drunk stuff. Not "how will I endure this" stuff." I have finally reached that stage too, and the freedom it brings is Priceless (as they say)
I know you are counting your blessings with this house... as you should, b/c property ownership is a form of power. I know it is good to finally have that power, (after feeling powerless for so long) and it will be good for your kids as well! Home ownership is completely beyond reach of the majority of people where I live, even rents are so outrageous we have elderly living in their cars! So I envy you... but I am also very, very happy for you!
Keep living the Al-Anon way, and enjoy the move-in process!
Skorpi said
Apr 25, 2022
Thanks for the update, Fedora! What a difference a year makes! Congratulations on the new home!
Enigmatic said
Apr 26, 2022
Hi Fedora, Congratulations!
So good to hear things going well for you. Keep up the good work
Hi there. It has been awhile since I've been here but I wanted to be sure to stop in and say HELLO and share my life update. I've got a new house - the sellers just accepted my offer and in a month I'll be moving out of this little apartment to my own digs.
I'm coming up on the 1st anniversary of my divorce finalization and oh wow what a difference a year makes.
First - the things that are the same: my ex. Just today he spent a verrrrry long time sending me a stream of unpleasant texts, trying for the zillionth time to rewrite history, to make his view of the world more real. That is - that he's not an alcoholic, that I'm crazy, un-loyal, and yada yada you know the script. A year ago (exactly) he was sending me the same garbage, but the effect it had on me was like a brick wall squashing me beneath its weight. I was doing my best to work my program, but it is Hard to do that when you've got an active drinker unleashing all of his crazy at you. So much stress. Couldn't sleep, was overeating a ton, having panic attacks, just looking awful. Not parenting. Just existing.
A year later, I'm LOVING the single life. Solitude when everyone for several miles around me is sober - OH glory. My ex has been spewing the same garbage at me for ages but geographical distance has made it possible for me to relax and start healing. I'm so much braver than I was - now I know for sure that I do not have to tolerate that kind of behavior, nor do I have to respond to it. Today I did eventually respond but only after making sure I was calm, and that I was able to "stick to the facts". I did not lecture him, nor did I respond to anything that was part of his revisionist history. I also put the phone away so I could watch my kid play his sporting match. (I invited his dad to attend .. but, surprise-not-at-all - he didn't show up. I don't think my kid was sorry. He's worried about his dad embarrassing him in public, and I think that worry is warranted.) And I loved all the minutes of it. My ex's behavior did not ruin for me. :) What a life!
I will miss this tiny apartment; the memory of the first day I got the keys, laying down on the carpet and being quiet, knowing that I was safe from the reach of my ex - truly one of the greatest and best moments of my life. Having my kids sprawled out on the sofa with me, playing on their phones, no body worried about having to accommodate the drunk person in our family or being subject to his narcissistic behaviors for a few beautiful hours. The peace we all shared. True serenity and magic. Nearly all days of the week I wake up eager to see what the day has in store for me. Even on the days when work is hard and a lot is pressing on my mind - it is normal stuff. Not drunk stuff. Not "how will I endure this" stuff.
Funny side note: at work we had a big issue that was causing people a lot of grief. I didn't even notice it was a problem until several co-workers spoke to me and wanted to commiserate with me. I just sat there and thought, "soooo - is everyone sober? Yes? Well then we can fix this no problem!" If I have rational people with whom I am dealing, well, all things can be resolved!
Anyway, I found this house. It was only a tiny bit above my ideal price, and no one else showed up to start a bidding war! (I got into the house for a showing a couple of hours after my realtor alerted me to it.) Everything is renovated. I won't have to do a thing except move my stuff in!
This will put a real exclamation point on my new life. A great way to celebrate choosing a healthy life. :)
It was helpful to read your journey and progress. I recently put the wheels in motion for a life transition and move and many things started bubbling up... I became nostalgic about my start in my current home of 35 years. I can relate to the bittersweetness of leaving some sweet memories and the opportunity to shed some of the unpleasant associations that I wasn't aware I was harboring. I've been anxious because of the uncertainty and love the idea of keeping the focus on celebrating health one day at a time.
Thanks for your update!! Keep coming back to let us know how everything is going.
Congratulations Fedora! What a great update!
I can really relate when you said, "Even on the days when work is hard and a lot is pressing on my mind - it is normal stuff. Not drunk stuff. Not "how will I endure this" stuff."
I have finally reached that stage too, and the freedom it brings is Priceless (as they say)
I know you are counting your blessings with this house... as you should, b/c property ownership is a form of power. I know it is good to finally have that power, (after feeling powerless for so long) and it will be good for your kids as well! Home ownership is completely beyond reach of the majority of people where I live, even rents are so outrageous we have elderly living in their cars! So I envy you... but I am also very, very happy for you!
Keep living the Al-Anon way, and enjoy the move-in process!
So good to hear things going well for you. Keep up the good work