Today's reading in Courage to Change reflects on the actions mentioned in Tradition Five. Practicing the Twelve Steps ourselves can give us the healing of compassionate self-love, perhaps through recognizing a loving higher power. Building on the strength of that self-love, we might be able to have compassion for the alcoholics in our lives. And we can also extend that compassion to our fellows in Al-Anon, even though we might not like all of them at first.
There is a great line: "I was pulled from despair by the love of strangers who quickly became friends."
Today's Reminder: ... By loving myself, I not only take care of my own needs, but I lay a foundation for loving others. By loving others, I learn to treat myself well.
Tradition Five: Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding or alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.
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This reading reminds me that I can love myself by wanting and working to give myself what I want those I love to have: health, joy in life, safety and security, respect. I can give love from a full cup, not an empty one. Our group's purpose is to help families of alcoholics -- which also means I am worthy and deserving of help.
A very interesting read for today. MIP friends, what do you think?
Lyne said
Feb 11, 2022
Thanks FT for your service and ESH. I think today's share is lovely and important. Through this program I have learned to love myself, and from that, I can honestly say I love my A although I do not care for many of her behaviors The kind of love I have for my A has also changed, but we are a family. We help each other in many ways and for that I am grateful.
DM2021 said
Feb 11, 2022
Thank you FT for this lovely reading, your service and to you and Lyne for sharing both your ESH.
TGIF MIP Family!!
Recently had a very disconcerting discussion with AH. He was concerned that my recent purchases to
help correct sciatica issues was excessive in light of the fact that he thought when he retires my credit
card bill was an issue. I spent about $200 on supportive shoes, slippers, a bed pillow and SI joint
belt to help with the pain. I do have an appointment with a local Spine Center next week. He brought
up the fact that he has been needing sneakers for a while and that I was spending money on myself
when he has been frugal. I told him that I was paying off a large portion of the balance on my card
in a few days, but that did not seem to matter. He continued to reiterate that he gives more financial
support over the years than I did or do, which is not true and I have the documents/receipts/checks
to prove it, which he wants to see (not showing him my hand unless it is in front of a lawyer). Now
mind you he is not due to retire for at least 4-5 years, so he was not only fishing/gaslighting but
just generally causing he usual monthly chaos. I was then called insensitive, which I laughed off
and as I walked away and said to him that I was not going to do what he has been doing to me and
call his attention to the amount of money he spends on himself daily (his liquor, which I did not
specifically say). That stopped him immediately and I have been avoiding all verbal interaction
which him for the past few days. I feel I did apply as much compassion for him as possible, by
not calling him out for his behavior and his drinking, thus saving me from a very lengthy and
disturbing argument. Thank you Al-Anon.
Youknowme said
Feb 11, 2022
Thanks FT. Giving love from a full cup is a great analogy
I think that before I learned to have compassion and forgiveness for myself, I was very defensive. Perhaps I was so scared of people seeing the bad/stupid/weak person I thought I was, I turned all of that outwards and was critical of others instead. I started to learn self-compassion somewhere along my journey and lo and behold, it has indeed followed on that I have become more compassionate for others, and also able to see and appreciate the good in people while still making sure I protect myself from harmful behaviour. It's definitely an art, putting all of these tools together, isn't it?I love hearing the unique ways everyone applies them. Thanks for your shares, everyone!
Daffodils said
Feb 11, 2022
Thank you Freetime for your service/ESH and everyone's shares. I am grateful to MIP for reeling me back from the edge of impending insanity! LOL. Fill my cup has been my only goal today. Started with prayer, walked to the gym, planned / cooked meals , asked my hubby to charge me a dollar for each time I weighed in on the s**t show happening in my lovely country (Canada) right now..., and making sure I take a huge sip from my cup instead of pouring it all out for others. I am grateful to have this program/HP as the ultimate booster and oh yes, loads of laughter (best tranquilizer with no side effects). Have a day of filled with blessings and big hugs to DM2021...hope your pain eases.
Iamhere said
Feb 11, 2022
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. I had to spend some quality time with both Step 4 and Step 5 to better understand what makes me 'tick'. In hindsight, I've spent a ton of time reacting to others - their actions, decisions, words, etc. My sponsor suggested I just try to examine what within me fuels that desire to react. I had to better understand why I was wired as I was to learn how to respond instead.
As I examined all my relationships, good/bad, resentments, etc. I came to see a pattern repeating. In every scenario, fear truly fueled me over and over again. Fear of not getting what I 'wanted' (not needed) or fear of losing something I thought I 'needed' (but really just wanted).
Keeping things as simple as I possibly can, I want for me to be happy, joyous and free. Free from the bondage of self; free from the anxiety and worry about life, others, the disease, etc. For those I love, deep down within me, I want the exact thing for them. The God of my understanding 'slapped me upside the head one day' with the question - Who are you to think you know what makes another happy, joyous and free?
This keeps me very grounded. I do not know what is best for another. I do not know what makes another giddy with joy. I do not know what freedom means for others. What I do know is that others respond better with me and to me when I am practicing unconditional love and acceptance vs. judgement. I also have come to understand that others don't want my advice or opinions unless I am asked. When I am facing the insanity of this disease in those I love, having compassion and focusing on listening just works much better than embracing the insanity/reacting to it.
It's not easy to unconditionally love another when I am concerned for their health & safety. It's not easy to detach from crazy-talk to choose my joy over being right. I just no longer have the desire to argue or debate with another who's suffering with this disease. I'm grateful we get to just keep practicing our program with progress being enough! Happy Friday all - it's been a week around here!!
SunnyFrog said
Feb 12, 2022
Hello everyone. Great shares!
"By loving myself, I not only take care of my own needs, but I lay a foundation for loving others. By loving others, I learn to treat myself well"
That really stood out for me. I have much work to do on loving myself. I know that's where I must begin(again). It's too easy to start loving myself just to end up back at square one. That's not unconditional love at all when I stop loving myself because of perceived mistakes.
Anyway, I'm back here and beginning again.
Daffodils said
Feb 13, 2022
Hey Sunnyfrog, seeing you here made me smile...
SunnyFrog said
Feb 13, 2022
Reading that you seeing me here made you smile made me smile too.
Today's reading in Courage to Change reflects on the actions mentioned in Tradition Five. Practicing the Twelve Steps ourselves can give us the healing of compassionate self-love, perhaps through recognizing a loving higher power. Building on the strength of that self-love, we might be able to have compassion for the alcoholics in our lives. And we can also extend that compassion to our fellows in Al-Anon, even though we might not like all of them at first.
There is a great line: "I was pulled from despair by the love of strangers who quickly became friends."
Today's Reminder: ... By loving myself, I not only take care of my own needs, but I lay a foundation for loving others. By loving others, I learn to treat myself well.
Tradition Five: Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding or alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.
-------
This reading reminds me that I can love myself by wanting and working to give myself what I want those I love to have: health, joy in life, safety and security, respect. I can give love from a full cup, not an empty one. Our group's purpose is to help families of alcoholics -- which also means I am worthy and deserving of help.
A very interesting read for today. MIP friends, what do you think?
Thank you FT for this lovely reading, your service and to you and Lyne for sharing both your ESH.
TGIF MIP Family!!
Recently had a very disconcerting discussion with AH. He was concerned that my recent purchases to
help correct sciatica issues was excessive in light of the fact that he thought when he retires my credit
card bill was an issue. I spent about $200 on supportive shoes, slippers, a bed pillow and SI joint
belt to help with the pain. I do have an appointment with a local Spine Center next week. He brought
up the fact that he has been needing sneakers for a while and that I was spending money on myself
when he has been frugal. I told him that I was paying off a large portion of the balance on my card
in a few days, but that did not seem to matter. He continued to reiterate that he gives more financial
support over the years than I did or do, which is not true and I have the documents/receipts/checks
to prove it, which he wants to see (not showing him my hand unless it is in front of a lawyer). Now
mind you he is not due to retire for at least 4-5 years, so he was not only fishing/gaslighting but
just generally causing he usual monthly chaos. I was then called insensitive, which I laughed off
and as I walked away and said to him that I was not going to do what he has been doing to me and
call his attention to the amount of money he spends on himself daily (his liquor, which I did not
specifically say). That stopped him immediately and I have been avoiding all verbal interaction
which him for the past few days. I feel I did apply as much compassion for him as possible, by
not calling him out for his behavior and his drinking, thus saving me from a very lengthy and
disturbing argument. Thank you Al-Anon.
I think that before I learned to have compassion and forgiveness for myself, I was very defensive. Perhaps I was so scared of people seeing the bad/stupid/weak person I thought I was, I turned all of that outwards and was critical of others instead. I started to learn self-compassion somewhere along my journey and lo and behold, it has indeed followed on that I have become more compassionate for others, and also able to see and appreciate the good in people while still making sure I protect myself from harmful behaviour. It's definitely an art, putting all of these tools together, isn't it?I love hearing the unique ways everyone applies them. Thanks for your shares, everyone!
As I examined all my relationships, good/bad, resentments, etc. I came to see a pattern repeating. In every scenario, fear truly fueled me over and over again. Fear of not getting what I 'wanted' (not needed) or fear of losing something I thought I 'needed' (but really just wanted).
Keeping things as simple as I possibly can, I want for me to be happy, joyous and free. Free from the bondage of self; free from the anxiety and worry about life, others, the disease, etc. For those I love, deep down within me, I want the exact thing for them. The God of my understanding 'slapped me upside the head one day' with the question - Who are you to think you know what makes another happy, joyous and free?
This keeps me very grounded. I do not know what is best for another. I do not know what makes another giddy with joy. I do not know what freedom means for others. What I do know is that others respond better with me and to me when I am practicing unconditional love and acceptance vs. judgement. I also have come to understand that others don't want my advice or opinions unless I am asked. When I am facing the insanity of this disease in those I love, having compassion and focusing on listening just works much better than embracing the insanity/reacting to it.
It's not easy to unconditionally love another when I am concerned for their health & safety. It's not easy to detach from crazy-talk to choose my joy over being right. I just no longer have the desire to argue or debate with another who's suffering with this disease. I'm grateful we get to just keep practicing our program with progress being enough! Happy Friday all - it's been a week around here!!
"By loving myself, I not only take care of my own needs, but I lay a foundation for loving others. By loving others, I learn to treat myself well"
That really stood out for me. I have much work to do on loving myself. I know that's where I must begin(again). It's too easy to start loving myself just to end up back at square one. That's not unconditional love at all when I stop loving myself because of perceived mistakes.
Anyway, I'm back here and beginning again.
Thank you Daffodils