First impressions of Alanon from today's writer after seeing more smiles, happiness than 'should' be among those with past or current alcoholics: they must not have had it as bad as me.
If we stick around Alanon long enough, we realize that is not often the case, and that does not even matter. What matters is learning to find peace for ourselves.
Reminder: Alanon can do for me what it has done for others: Provide a platform from which to learn and grow, to help me overcome my problems not focus on and obsess over them.
"I pray to be led into a new way of thinking about the difficulties I have to face. A new point of view will put them into perspective and reduce them to manageable size, I pray especially to resist exaggerating my troubles until they overwhelm me." - unattributed
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During my first meetings, the peace and wisdom I heard from others in the room seemed extraordinary, unreachable. As I heard more of their stories, I learned that mine was not special or unique.
I tried to follow the Alanon suggestion not to compare myself or story to others, but to focus on identifying areas where I was trying to change the things I couldn't, or shouldn't...and then tryied right sizing my views of what those areas were. My peace began to grow...
Alanon is not made up of people with less serious problems or who got lucky, but those who found a source of wisdom and guidance that is greater than what most of us bring to the room...and used it. When I follow it, I realize that my 'problems' aren't that bad when I adjust what I am looking at...
Grateful for the wisdom
Lyne said
Feb 8, 2022
Thanks Paul for your service and share. I, too, have to remember not to compare myself to others. The only standards I need are those set by me, and work towards my own goals. Of course I have let program give me tools and boundaries that I try to adhere to--bless them change me, live and let live, keep it simple, etc. To compare=despair, and I did that for years. Everyone in this program has been affected by the disease of alcoholism, and we have all suffered in our own way. With this program, we can all heal in our own way, own time, as well. Grateful for healing help here.
DM2021 said
Feb 8, 2022
Thank you as well Paul for your service, today's reading and to you and Lyne for both your shared ESH.
Paul, you are so right that finding my own peace is key and Lyne, you hit on the head, that comparing myself
and circumstances to others, is not the way to go. Very grateful Al-Anon/MIP member!!
Youknowme said
Feb 8, 2022
Great reminder Paul.
I was fixated for a long time on the belief that I was crazy and inferior to everyone else and therefore I could not ever have the kind of normal, healthy life anyone else had. It prevented me from doing so much, because constantly comparing myself to other people made me feel like I had to hide myself. What a long time it has taken me to finally understand that everyone has their crap and comparisons are useless and harmful. It's very liberating when you finally figure it out though, isn't it?
Iamhere said
Feb 11, 2022
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. I spent a lifetime comparing & competing and didn't realize how much energy I expended doing so. It started at a very young age and came very naturally to me. I never truly looked at another and just felt acceptance of them as they are or that I was accepted as I was - I felt like a chameleon for a long, long time.
Recovery has helped me realize this is not only unhealthy, it's very unrealistic. When I do this, I am comparing my inner most feelings, thoughts, experiences to another's outer facade. People only reveal what they feel comfortable doing so and for an unknown reason, we've encouraged members of society to fake 'fine'.
It's taken me years to learn to love myself. It's taken me years to feel OK with taking care of me before others. It's given me an ability to practice more unconditional love and acceptance of me and others. This program, when I work it as best I can, continues to give me way more than I can ever give back in service/effort.
I no longer see myself as better than/less than others. I try to be authentic, kind, loving and genuine. As I age, I am finding it's perfectly OK to be me and choose who best to be with. Love and light all...
First impressions of Alanon from today's writer after seeing more smiles, happiness than 'should' be among those with past or current alcoholics: they must not have had it as bad as me.
If we stick around Alanon long enough, we realize that is not often the case, and that does not even matter. What matters is learning to find peace for ourselves.
Reminder: Alanon can do for me what it has done for others: Provide a platform from which to learn and grow, to help me overcome my problems not focus on and obsess over them.
"I pray to be led into a new way of thinking about the difficulties I have to face. A new point of view will put them into perspective and reduce them to manageable size, I pray especially to resist exaggerating my troubles until they overwhelm me." - unattributed
----------
During my first meetings, the peace and wisdom I heard from others in the room seemed extraordinary, unreachable. As I heard more of their stories, I learned that mine was not special or unique.
I tried to follow the Alanon suggestion not to compare myself or story to others, but to focus on identifying areas where I was trying to change the things I couldn't, or shouldn't...and then tryied right sizing my views of what those areas were. My peace began to grow...
Alanon is not made up of people with less serious problems or who got lucky, but those who found a source of wisdom and guidance that is greater than what most of us bring to the room...and used it. When I follow it, I realize that my 'problems' aren't that bad when I adjust what I am looking at...
Grateful for the wisdom
Paul, you are so right that finding my own peace is key and Lyne, you hit on the head, that comparing myself
and circumstances to others, is not the way to go. Very grateful Al-Anon/MIP member!!
I was fixated for a long time on the belief that I was crazy and inferior to everyone else and therefore I could not ever have the kind of normal, healthy life anyone else had. It prevented me from doing so much, because constantly comparing myself to other people made me feel like I had to hide myself. What a long time it has taken me to finally understand that everyone has their crap and comparisons are useless and harmful. It's very liberating when you finally figure it out though, isn't it?
Recovery has helped me realize this is not only unhealthy, it's very unrealistic. When I do this, I am comparing my inner most feelings, thoughts, experiences to another's outer facade. People only reveal what they feel comfortable doing so and for an unknown reason, we've encouraged members of society to fake 'fine'.
It's taken me years to learn to love myself. It's taken me years to feel OK with taking care of me before others. It's given me an ability to practice more unconditional love and acceptance of me and others. This program, when I work it as best I can, continues to give me way more than I can ever give back in service/effort.
I no longer see myself as better than/less than others. I try to be authentic, kind, loving and genuine. As I age, I am finding it's perfectly OK to be me and choose who best to be with. Love and light all...