Interesting read today considering the subtle, but important difference between trying to use willpower to suppress and eliminate a fault, versus using the natural but unwanted fault tendency to point to the opposite, preferred quality or tendency.
Spoiler alert: the latter is more successful; making something magically go away (poof) is unlikely to happen, but using the initial impulse to cue me toward the opposite (turn that frown upside down) allows me to perform mental judo: don't fight it, use it.
Reminder: I can turn turn negative, unwanted tendencies (criticism, negative thinking, doubt, fear) to deliver their opposites when I become aware of them, using the negatives as my cues or signals.
"I stopped trying to force myself to eliminate my faults when I found it didn't work. Then I realized that I had to replace them with something better." ------------------ My feelings and thoughts are very strong, seemingly come out of nowhere, and especially early in recovery are often unhealthy to myself and others. Trying to suppress or eliminate the initial impulse has seldom been successful.
Being aware of my tendencies, accepting them, then becoming aware of the more healthy alternative allows me to work on utilizing a pause (count to 5 before reacting (still working on 10, not quite there yet ) while I reconstruct the opposite: want to jump in with advice? Construct acknowledgment of feelings, difficulty, and a comment of support and belief they will find the answer and overcome their problem.
This approach, when I remember and use it, it significantly more successful than trying to make it disappear. Grateful for the wisdom of Alanon
Lyne said
Jan 25, 2022
Thanks Paul for your service and share. I find I'm able to cope with and feel content with reality, and then sometimes, I'm just so tired of sharing this life with an alcoholic. Then I have the talk with myself about choices and the 30 years I have given this marriage. And I come back to the exact same place: ODAT, one foot in front of the other, focus on me, compassion and understanding for those with this disease, and here I am once again, choosing to stay for the long haul with my A. So just for today, I'm having an appt. with my chiropractor, and will take a wonderful walk with my dog. I will allow myself to be fine today.
DM2021 said
Jan 25, 2022
Thank you as well Paul for your service and to you and Lyne for both your ESH!!
Been reading in the C2C about just this topic and doing a mental gratitude list has helped me so much
when I am feel negative. Truly am grateful to Al-Anon everyday!!
Iamhere said
Jan 25, 2022
Happy Tuesday all....thank you Paul for your service and the daily. As with most things in my life, I tried to 'force change' within me and it didn't work well. Forcing solutions is contrary to a healthy long-term life change, so might be a quick fix for some - not workable for me.
What I do know if I still get overwhelmed with life, this disease, other people, etc. when I am not spiritually centered and/or not in the present. I would love to say my mind is trained to stay in the present - it's not. It tends to float to the past or to the future. While my past has been blessed in so many ways, I also still hold on to sadness and disappointment when I go 'there'. I'd love to say that when I project to the future, I 'see' serenity and beauty naturally - not so usually. I just do best when I am in this moment on this day with the reality that I am OK and truly grateful for what I have and who I am.
The more I focus on accepting life as it is, me as I am and others as they are, I tend to stay close to balanced/centered. It's when I try to exert some perceived power or solution that I get into trouble. I tend to try hard to stay in my lane and often do Pause to Pray before I Proceed. This program has given me more tools that I need to stay at peace and to find my joy no matter what's going on around me.
Interesting read today considering the subtle, but important difference between trying to use willpower to suppress and eliminate a fault, versus using the natural but unwanted fault tendency to point to the opposite, preferred quality or tendency.
Spoiler alert: the latter is more successful; making something magically go away (poof) is unlikely to happen, but using the initial impulse to cue me toward the opposite (turn that frown upside down) allows me to perform mental judo: don't fight it, use it.
Reminder: I can turn turn negative, unwanted tendencies (criticism, negative thinking, doubt, fear) to deliver their opposites when I become aware of them, using the negatives as my cues or signals.
"I stopped trying to force myself to eliminate my faults when I found it didn't work. Then I realized that I had to replace them with something better."
------------------
My feelings and thoughts are very strong, seemingly come out of nowhere, and especially early in recovery are often unhealthy to myself and others. Trying to suppress or eliminate the initial impulse has seldom been successful.
Being aware of my tendencies, accepting them, then becoming aware of the more healthy alternative allows me to work on utilizing a pause (count to 5 before reacting (still working on 10, not quite there yet
) while I reconstruct the opposite: want to jump in with advice? Construct acknowledgment of feelings, difficulty, and a comment of support and belief they will find the answer and overcome their problem.
This approach, when I remember and use it, it significantly more successful than trying to make it disappear. Grateful for the wisdom of Alanon
Been reading in the C2C about just this topic and doing a mental gratitude list has helped me so much
when I am feel negative. Truly am grateful to Al-Anon everyday!!
What I do know if I still get overwhelmed with life, this disease, other people, etc. when I am not spiritually centered and/or not in the present. I would love to say my mind is trained to stay in the present - it's not. It tends to float to the past or to the future. While my past has been blessed in so many ways, I also still hold on to sadness and disappointment when I go 'there'. I'd love to say that when I project to the future, I 'see' serenity and beauty naturally - not so usually. I just do best when I am in this moment on this day with the reality that I am OK and truly grateful for what I have and who I am.
The more I focus on accepting life as it is, me as I am and others as they are, I tend to stay close to balanced/centered. It's when I try to exert some perceived power or solution that I get into trouble. I tend to try hard to stay in my lane and often do Pause to Pray before I Proceed. This program has given me more tools that I need to stay at peace and to find my joy no matter what's going on around me.
Enjoy the evening all!