Whats funny, but perhaps its more ironic, is that I can go for months in a mental state of letting go, live and let live, think, how important is it, etc. etc. etc. Since Christmas Eve, when my As drinking was apparent and in my face, I have not been able to let it go. So the question Im asking myself, after communicating with my sponsor, is, why do I want to, choose to, hold onto such unpleasant thinking??? The only one who can change in my control, is me. Is is that my anger and resentment can be in check for so long, and then I feel so MAD at alcoholism? Its ruined what could have been a wonderful relationship. Ive stayed for many reasons, one being that my spouse would come to her senses and get help. NOPE. Am I leaving after 30 yrs? NOPE. So starting at this moment I need to let go and let God, live and let live, choose serenity over anguish, and get a grip. I am truly sick and tired of being sick and tired. ODAT, or OHAT, or perhaps OMAT will work today. Just for today.
Iamhere said
Jan 2, 2022
(((Lyne))) - I am a firm believer in 'more will be revealed'. For myself and my recovery, this has nothing to do with what others are doing - it has everything to do with my readiness for additional change, growth, improvement, etc.
There is no doubt that this disease thrown in my face is maddening and thoroughly disappointing. Yet, in spite of my gut reaction to this reality of the disease, I do believe deep down that the God of my understanding wants me to be happy, joyous and free. I know for myself I can't get 'there' when I'm allowing other people and their actions pull me in a direction contrary to my goals.
It is my mind and my disease that tells me caring for another = obsessing over them and wanting them to change. My sponsor and my recovery suggest that caring for another = taking goo care of me and letting them be to find their own journey.
Keep doing what you're doing and trust your program and growth. I for one am grateful the holiday season is over and am choosing joy for today. (((Hugs)))
DM2021 said
Jan 2, 2022
{{Lyne}}
It is even more difficult for me when the 'A' in my life tries to play me for a fool. I have to remember that
for all that I do to keep this relationship together, it is what I choose to do for me, so that I do not feel as
though I am owed anything and therefore disappointed by those times that are truly out of my control.
Whats funny, but perhaps its more ironic, is that I can go for months in a mental state of letting go, live and let live, think, how important is it, etc. etc. etc. Since Christmas Eve, when my As drinking was apparent and in my face, I have not been able to let it go. So the question Im asking myself, after communicating with my sponsor, is, why do I want to, choose to, hold onto such unpleasant thinking??? The only one who can change in my control, is me. Is is that my anger and resentment can be in check for so long, and then I feel so MAD at alcoholism? Its ruined what could have been a wonderful relationship. Ive stayed for many reasons, one being that my spouse would come to her senses and get help. NOPE. Am I leaving after 30 yrs? NOPE. So starting at this moment I need to let go and let God, live and let live, choose serenity over anguish, and get a grip. I am truly sick and tired of being sick and tired. ODAT, or OHAT, or perhaps OMAT will work today. Just for today.
There is no doubt that this disease thrown in my face is maddening and thoroughly disappointing. Yet, in spite of my gut reaction to this reality of the disease, I do believe deep down that the God of my understanding wants me to be happy, joyous and free. I know for myself I can't get 'there' when I'm allowing other people and their actions pull me in a direction contrary to my goals.
It is my mind and my disease that tells me caring for another = obsessing over them and wanting them to change. My sponsor and my recovery suggest that caring for another = taking goo care of me and letting them be to find their own journey.
Keep doing what you're doing and trust your program and growth. I for one am grateful the holiday season is over and am choosing joy for today. (((Hugs)))
It is even more difficult for me when the 'A' in my life tries to play me for a fool. I have to remember that
for all that I do to keep this relationship together, it is what I choose to do for me, so that I do not feel as
though I am owed anything and therefore disappointed by those times that are truly out of my control.