In today's reading, the author talks about things being urgent, but rarely important and things that are important being rarely urgent, which feeds into a cycle of getting caught up in trivia which appears urgent, but then not having the time for the more important stuff. In essence, "First things first" helps us to remember that maintaining serenity has a high priority.
The author describes being in a dark room where their Higher Power is the only source of light, and is their best hope of navigating around the room, which would otherwise be slow, confusing and possibly painful. So their priority is to focus on that light.
Today's Reminder - As I think about what to do with this day, I will set some time aside for what is really important. I will put first things first today.
"Let us spend one day deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito's wing that falls off the rails." Henry David Thoreau
When I was living with my active AH, I found myself spending alot of time 'moving away' from the pain. I did things which would otherwise be enjoyful, but because it was done as an escape from the pain and chaos it rarely brought me any serenity. My focus was all on either stopping him drinking or getting away from the chaos - so the focus was all on alcohol.
It was only through Al-Anon that I learned to keep the focus on me and put myself first - where I did have control. The old adage of putting on your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others was very true. So my focus became having and then maintaining my own serenity. It wasn't easy. I tried many things - some worked better than others, but I imagined myself like a rocket going towards the Moon. Sometime I would be on course, sometimes I wouldn't - but I learned from the times I drifted off course and did something different and saw how that went. Over time I made steady progress in the right direction.
As I have shared before, my serenity only really came about when I made the decision to physically separate from my husband. We have 4 children involved and it was just too challenging to stay in the same house as someone who was drunk every day and for most of the day from 10am every morning. This gave me the space to do the deepest work on myself - where I wasn't hypervigilant and worried about the emotional safety of the children. For me this is First Things First.
Today, I try every day to work a little bit more on myself. It might be revisiting Step 4 as more and more revelations are revealed - or it might be just taking the time to enjoy and be grateful for the here and now.
Lyne said
Nov 13, 2021
Thanks BT for your service and share. I liked the analogy of being in a rocket and not sure which course might occur. I was anxious and unsettled for most of my life. First things first is a great slogan. And planning our activities is something we can have control of much of the time. What I try to do is handle any unpleasantness fairly early in the day. Then it's not hanging around bugging me--calling an insurance company for ex. That can be a frustrating and tedious job. That helps me relax and enjoy the better parts of the day.
Daffodils said
Nov 13, 2021
Good Morning and thank you for the shares on this topic. Started the day with construction noise (neighbour renovating)-really? on a Saturday at 7:00 a.m.? grrr... Next cable outage-hubby not happy. Damn thing is working now and he's watching a cheesy rom.com (a genre I dislike with an actor I loathe)...Alanon taught me to get busy to get better so I'm cleaning while listening to music... counting my blessings. Tomorrow I plan to go to the gym/shopping and indulge watching the NFL. So grateful to have MIP as a refueling station. Have a great day.
DM2021 said
Nov 14, 2021
Good Sunday morning to everyone and thank you so much for today's reading and everyone's service.
I do agree about giving the alcoholism to much of my time and do love the "oxygen mask" analogy to
bring home the fact that I need to take care of me first in order to actively and productively move
forward in my own recovery!!! Am working on how my opinions about certain aspects of my relation-
ship with AH sometimes controls the amount of time I hold onto my grudges and am reading in the
C2C that when I hold the opinion that I know everything (when that actually is impossible) that
it contributes to the grudge. When I accept that it is not possible to know everything there is to
know, when formulating an opinion about someone else concerning a difficult situation then it is
definitely a cue for me to hand it over to my HP (hence that light you were talking about BT).
In today's reading, the author talks about things being urgent, but rarely important and things that are important being rarely urgent, which feeds into a cycle of getting caught up in trivia which appears urgent, but then not having the time for the more important stuff. In essence, "First things first" helps us to remember that maintaining serenity has a high priority.
The author describes being in a dark room where their Higher Power is the only source of light, and is their best hope of navigating around the room, which would otherwise be slow, confusing and possibly painful. So their priority is to focus on that light.
Today's Reminder - As I think about what to do with this day, I will set some time aside for what is really important. I will put first things first today.
"Let us spend one day deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito's wing that falls off the rails." Henry David Thoreau
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was living with my active AH, I found myself spending alot of time 'moving away' from the pain. I did things which would otherwise be enjoyful, but because it was done as an escape from the pain and chaos it rarely brought me any serenity. My focus was all on either stopping him drinking or getting away from the chaos - so the focus was all on alcohol.
It was only through Al-Anon that I learned to keep the focus on me and put myself first - where I did have control. The old adage of putting on your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others was very true. So my focus became having and then maintaining my own serenity. It wasn't easy. I tried many things - some worked better than others, but I imagined myself like a rocket going towards the Moon. Sometime I would be on course, sometimes I wouldn't - but I learned from the times I drifted off course and did something different and saw how that went. Over time I made steady progress in the right direction.
As I have shared before, my serenity only really came about when I made the decision to physically separate from my husband. We have 4 children involved and it was just too challenging to stay in the same house as someone who was drunk every day and for most of the day from 10am every morning. This gave me the space to do the deepest work on myself - where I wasn't hypervigilant and worried about the emotional safety of the children. For me this is First Things First.
Today, I try every day to work a little bit more on myself. It might be revisiting Step 4 as more and more revelations are revealed - or it might be just taking the time to enjoy and be grateful for the here and now.
I do agree about giving the alcoholism to much of my time and do love the "oxygen mask" analogy to
bring home the fact that I need to take care of me first in order to actively and productively move
forward in my own recovery!!! Am working on how my opinions about certain aspects of my relation-
ship with AH sometimes controls the amount of time I hold onto my grudges and am reading in the
C2C that when I hold the opinion that I know everything (when that actually is impossible) that
it contributes to the grudge. When I accept that it is not possible to know everything there is to
know, when formulating an opinion about someone else concerning a difficult situation then it is
definitely a cue for me to hand it over to my HP (hence that light you were talking about BT).
{{HUGS}}