This writer talks about the special problems one can have living with an alcoholic: erratic behavior, social embarrassment, and other minor or major problems. In alanon, the non-alcoholic can find peace of mind. We are again reminded not to try and be helpful by giving advice, nor making judgements.
God grant that I may never urge anyone to take any action but the constructive one of employing alanon ideas.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This reading reminded me of an incident 11-12 years ago. While on vacation with my son and dtr in law, my A passed out in the bathroom, hit her head on some fixture, and had to be persuaded to let me drive. Erratic and embarrassing behavior occurred that evening for sure. My son and dtr in law have no interest in alanon, so they have not been able to find forgiveness, compassion, or acceptance of alcoholic behavior. And furthermore, they cannot understand how I can have forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance. But the point of my share is that at the time of this occurrence, I was devastated and ashamed. Fortunately nothing this dangerous goes on anymore, at least to my knowledge. But the non-alcoholics who do not attend alanon, cannot understand the alanon program. Although this has left a serious rift in our family, it is true that many days I am at peace with all of them.
JerryF said
Nov 1, 2021
Good Morning and Thanks for your share Lyne...It is a great reminder to me how our program works and works so well. My eldest Son and his wife visited us a couple of times over the past few days and then so did memories of the past some blatantly nuts and others kinda sorta okay. We returned to loving, accepting personalities and I saw it my program still being necessary. He has stopped drinking and mentions a church program as being supportive. His wife remains mostly quiet. We had conversations and of course ours are guided by program and there were several short periods that we shared what has worked for us and I gave him my aged "Just for Today" pamphlet which is a daily guide while my wife gave him hers. We both told him how deeply and positively our lives have been positively affected by these and other program tools and then returned to silence. His wife has had no comment. He father has had more than several close brushes with death because of the addictions still she does the best she can to live with this family disease.
We had the children and grand children and some great grands visit also and it was nice being able to accept it all and share fun without judging what it is like now sharing new perspectives. We used "It is what it is" within the acceptance of behaviors and find that attitude so powerful in keeping our sanity.
Erratic behavior is a given when others also are affected by this life changing disease and bring those behaviors with them. The need for Higher Power's presence during it all is a must for me and the feeling of gratitude I am left with later on. Mahalo for your support.
DM2021 said
Nov 1, 2021
Thank you Lyne for your service, reading and to you and JerryF for both your ESH, very much appreciated!!
Happy 1st of November to you both and the MIP Family!!
The disease does illicit such "erratic behavior" at times and when those chaotic times occur I definitely use
that PAUSE tool 99% of the time. Al-Anon has taught me so much and am so grateful for this program,
HP and the MIP membership for all the help and guidance. When I think back several years, before I
became a member in Al-Anon/MIP, I was so mentally exhausted!! Very grateful indeed!!
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 1, 2021
Happy Fall Everyone (Here in SoCal, November is when you finally begin to feel the Autumn creeping in!)!
Thank you Lyne for your service and to Jerry and Debb for their wonderful shares. I am on my last day of a "staycation," so I am able to read and post on this great tool of Al-Anon today!
Jerry, I loved hearing about the workings of Al-Anon in what sounded like a very busy week with family!
Indeed, Al-Anon helped me with accepting the minor problems. It could not help with the major ones, nor the financial ones, but it did help me find out what I could and could not accept. That was so important, as I didn't know which way was up when I first came to these rooms!
Hope y'all have a great week!
Freetime said
Nov 1, 2021
Thanks Lyne and everyone who has shared. I certainly had my share of erratic behavior when living with alcoholism and its effects -- and am so grateful that I became desperate enough to find Al-Anon when I was starting to become erratic myself.
{{Jerry,}} I am so touched by how you and your wife gave your "Just for Today" pamphlets to your son. We never know, do we, when we plant a seed whether or not it will grow, or how long it may take for it to sprout. But we can still plant the seed, do our part in the circle of recovery -- and then let go.
JerryF said
Nov 1, 2021
That is so very accurate Freetime not long ago in Hilo and in my garage he and I stood toe to toe nose to nose as I told him that he had to accept the consequences of his drinking, using and infidelity on his marriage and family then I let him go ...again. I know that I cannot do as good as my HP with loving those who are difficult to love and unwilling to do so. Still letting go does not mean forgetting how to love which is the name of my Higher Power. (((hugs)))
WendyP said
Nov 3, 2021
Hi JerryF, thank you so very much for your last sharing, on how you stood nose to nose with your son. It has helped me so much, hearing that some one else has stood up to their adult Child. Since I did, a long time ago, with my Son and His Partner, I have felt so alone, feeling guilty that I caused so much trouble, splitting up my Family, and trying to learn to deal with the repercussions of it all since then. Being punished, and losing my 3 Grand Children, but I simply couldn't stand by anymore and see and watch what they were doing to them, breaking their spirit, and not standing up and bringing it all out in the open. Also for what you said in loving those who are difficult to love.
Since then, I have tried many times, to reach out, try to make amends for the pain that I caused all their Family, not what I did. But have received nothing in return. I have decided of late, not to reach out again. only to wish my grand Children, Happy Birthday, as it is hurting me too much. I thank God for this MIP, Al-Anon, my Faith, also the Just For Today Pamphlet, which I live by daily.
Thank You once again Jerry, very much.
Love WendyP.
Lyne said
Nov 4, 2021
Thanks for all these great responses. I probably fall apart the most when having trouble with my grown child. Recently I felt hurt. We did talk about it. I find it necessary to practice so many of my program tools daily. Thank God I have them. I need to Let go and let God, and Live and let live.
This writer talks about the special problems one can have living with an alcoholic: erratic behavior, social embarrassment, and other minor or major problems. In alanon, the non-alcoholic can find peace of mind. We are again reminded not to try and be helpful by giving advice, nor making judgements.
God grant that I may never urge anyone to take any action but the constructive one of employing alanon ideas.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This reading reminded me of an incident 11-12 years ago. While on vacation with my son and dtr in law, my A passed out in the bathroom, hit her head on some fixture, and had to be persuaded to let me drive. Erratic and embarrassing behavior occurred that evening for sure. My son and dtr in law have no interest in alanon, so they have not been able to find forgiveness, compassion, or acceptance of alcoholic behavior. And furthermore, they cannot understand how I can have forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance. But the point of my share is that at the time of this occurrence, I was devastated and ashamed. Fortunately nothing this dangerous goes on anymore, at least to my knowledge. But the non-alcoholics who do not attend alanon, cannot understand the alanon program. Although this has left a serious rift in our family, it is true that many days I am at peace with all of them.
Good Morning and Thanks for your share Lyne...It is a great reminder to me how our program works and works so well. My eldest Son and his wife visited us a couple of times over the past few days and then so did memories of the past some blatantly nuts and others kinda sorta okay. We returned to loving, accepting personalities and I saw it my program still being necessary. He has stopped drinking and mentions a church program as being supportive. His wife remains mostly quiet. We had conversations and of course ours are guided by program and there were several short periods that we shared what has worked for us and I gave him my aged "Just for Today" pamphlet which is a daily guide while my wife gave him hers. We both told him how deeply and positively our lives have been positively affected by these and other program tools and then returned to silence. His wife has had no comment. He father has had more than several close brushes with death because of the addictions still she does the best she can to live with this family disease.
We had the children and grand children and some great grands visit also and it was nice being able to accept it all and share fun without judging what it is like now sharing new perspectives. We used "It is what it is" within the acceptance of behaviors and find that attitude so powerful in keeping our sanity.
Erratic behavior is a given when others also are affected by this life changing disease and bring those behaviors with them. The need for Higher Power's presence during it all is a must for me and the feeling of gratitude I am left with later on. Mahalo for your support.
Happy 1st of November to you both and the MIP Family!!
The disease does illicit such "erratic behavior" at times and when those chaotic times occur I definitely use
that PAUSE tool 99% of the time. Al-Anon has taught me so much and am so grateful for this program,
HP and the MIP membership for all the help and guidance. When I think back several years, before I
became a member in Al-Anon/MIP, I was so mentally exhausted!! Very grateful indeed!!
Thank you Lyne for your service and to Jerry and Debb for their wonderful shares. I am on my last day of a "staycation," so I am able to read and post on this great tool of Al-Anon today!
Jerry, I loved hearing about the workings of Al-Anon in what sounded like a very busy week with family!
Indeed, Al-Anon helped me with accepting the minor problems. It could not help with the major ones, nor the financial ones, but it did help me find out what I could and could not accept. That was so important, as I didn't know which way was up when I first came to these rooms!
Hope y'all have a great week!
{{Jerry,}} I am so touched by how you and your wife gave your "Just for Today" pamphlets to your son. We never know, do we, when we plant a seed whether or not it will grow, or how long it may take for it to sprout. But we can still plant the seed, do our part in the circle of recovery -- and then let go.
That is so very accurate Freetime not long ago in Hilo and in my garage he and I stood toe to toe nose to nose as I told him that he had to accept the consequences of his drinking, using and infidelity on his marriage and family then I let him go ...again. I know that I cannot do as good as my HP with loving those who are difficult to love and unwilling to do so. Still letting go does not mean forgetting how to love which is the name of my Higher Power. (((hugs)))
Hi JerryF, thank you so very much for your last sharing, on how you stood nose to nose with your son. It has helped me so much, hearing that some one else has stood up to their adult Child. Since I did, a long time ago, with my Son and His Partner, I have felt so alone, feeling guilty that I caused so much trouble, splitting up my Family, and trying to learn to deal with the repercussions of it all since then. Being punished, and losing my 3 Grand Children, but I simply couldn't stand by anymore and see and watch what they were doing to them, breaking their spirit, and not standing up and bringing it all out in the open. Also for what you said in loving those who are difficult to love.
Since then, I have tried many times, to reach out, try to make amends for the pain that I caused all their Family, not what I did. But have received nothing in return. I have decided of late, not to reach out again. only to wish my grand Children, Happy Birthday, as it is hurting me too much. I thank God for this MIP, Al-Anon, my Faith, also the Just For Today Pamphlet, which I live by daily.
Thank You once again Jerry, very much.
Love WendyP.