I think I blew it last night because I allowed myself to get to a burning point
concerning the constant control that AH exerts on just about everything I do.
The constant, holy than thou opinions and put downs sometimes just gets to
me and I think this time it is because I have been trying to recover from some
health issues since April. I am on the mend, but reached a point last night
where I did not care and let him have it. It actually started off by me asking
(very nicely) for him to stop putting his bedroom light on 5 hours before he
goes to bed, because when I go to bed I have to close my door (yes we sleep
in separate rooms) in order to block the light. Now ordinarily he would walk
around the house and let me know in no uncertain terms that he turns things
off that I left on. This time I asked very nicely, would you please stop leaving
your bedroom light on 5 hrs. before you even approach the room to go to bed.
Well he blew up, which is what I expected, cause he is so perfect, and I told him
that he was getting what he dishes out and that by he living in his own little "snow
globe" world of denial makes him a very unrealistic person/partner. I turned his
light off and will continue to do that as long as he leaves it on. I have had enough.
You know I actually feel better, I am not anger or sorry. Such a stupid thing
as a bedroom light can cause such consternation with an alcoholic!!! He left for
work this morning without saying good-bye, like the reese's commercial ... "not sorry".
I know I should have handed to my HP, that part I feel guilty about.
Lessons to be learned from this, I am sure!!
Daffodils said
Sep 10, 2021
Good Morning ((DM2021)). I am sorry that you have added stress that interferes with your physical healing . You are an amazing woman and I'm grateful to have the privilege to learn from your example. Hope your day gets better and better.
Freetime said
Sep 10, 2021
{{{{DM}}}}, I understand how that light issue could stress you out. My late AH would sometimes play loud music in the middle of the night, and when I politely asked him to turn down the volume he would turn it totally off and then act pissed off about it. No apology that the loud music had interrupted my sleep. Anyway, I can relate to losing your cool about the bedroom light. I think it would take black-belt level Al-Anon skills to remain calm in that situation, and I'm glad you have a plan on how to handle it going forward. I hope you can be gentle with yourself, and that you find a way to get a good night's sleep.
DM2021 said
Sep 10, 2021
I am grateful that you both, Daffodils and FT are here to share this journey with me and
equally grateful for both your input. I have learned in Al-Anon that when I do not share
I do not grow.
JerryF said
Sep 10, 2021
You did a good inventory of the situation which is what I do also when I find myself the victim of such. After I do the inventory I give myself permission and encouragement to do an amends which for me is the whole process. Sometimes I for get and then other times I do it a bit late. I often try to do the whole step and then I speak with my Higher Power regarding forgiveness of others and practicing compassion and empathy and understanding. When that is done myside of the street is nice and clean. Good Job and a pat on the back!!!
DM2021 said
Sep 11, 2021
{{JerryF}} Thank you! I knew what I did had to be done, but could not put my finger on why it felt right!
It is not something I did lightly and not something I would do on a regular basis, but felt necessary for my own health
it was necessary.
I am always speaking to HP and am in a forgiving/compassionate mindset throughout! I have never gone about an
inventory this way and have learned that this is another way to do one!! Thank you so much for the pat on the back!!
I think I blew it last night because I allowed myself to get to a burning point
concerning the constant control that AH exerts on just about everything I do.
The constant, holy than thou opinions and put downs sometimes just gets to
me and I think this time it is because I have been trying to recover from some
health issues since April. I am on the mend, but reached a point last night
where I did not care and let him have it. It actually started off by me asking
(very nicely) for him to stop putting his bedroom light on 5 hours before he
goes to bed, because when I go to bed I have to close my door (yes we sleep
in separate rooms) in order to block the light. Now ordinarily he would walk
around the house and let me know in no uncertain terms that he turns things
off that I left on. This time I asked very nicely, would you please stop leaving
your bedroom light on 5 hrs. before you even approach the room to go to bed.
Well he blew up, which is what I expected, cause he is so perfect, and I told him
that he was getting what he dishes out and that by he living in his own little "snow
globe" world of denial makes him a very unrealistic person/partner. I turned his
light off and will continue to do that as long as he leaves it on. I have had enough.
You know I actually feel better, I am not anger or sorry. Such a stupid thing
as a bedroom light can cause such consternation with an alcoholic!!! He left for
work this morning without saying good-bye, like the reese's commercial ... "not sorry".
I know I should have handed to my HP, that part I feel guilty about.
Lessons to be learned from this, I am sure!!
equally grateful for both your input. I have learned in Al-Anon that when I do not share
I do not grow.
You did a good inventory of the situation which is what I do also when I find myself the victim of such. After I do the inventory I give myself permission and encouragement to do an amends which for me is the whole process. Sometimes I for get and then other times I do it a bit late. I often try to do the whole step and then I speak with my Higher Power regarding forgiveness of others and practicing compassion and empathy and understanding. When that is done myside of the street is nice and clean. Good Job and a pat on the back!!!
It is not something I did lightly and not something I would do on a regular basis, but felt necessary for my own health
it was necessary.
I am always speaking to HP and am in a forgiving/compassionate mindset throughout! I have never gone about an
inventory this way and have learned that this is another way to do one!! Thank you so much for the pat on the back!!
{{HUGS}}