I was sailing along,progressing nicely and then why hello, here I am again, the isms of chaos and manipulation and self sacrifice.
Now to be sure, today these are matters which represent bumps in the road as opposed to road closures but nonetheless very unpleasant.
My alcoholic aging parent is good for the most part but still of course an alcoholic with great intentions but little to no action or self discipline which I'm sure sounds familiar. It is difficult for me to not parent my parent. At the same time I resent the hell out of having to do it but feel like I have to.
I tend towards logic and intellect. The idea that a loved one of mine failed to excercise either then expects me to submit to an inferior reasoning leaves me cold. I am happy to support people I love but first there must be basic understanding as to what one's own role in any matter is.
Some thing that really disturbs me is the idea of owing people money. Borrowing money too is not cool with me. If you obtain a service you pay the bill. If you can not pay the bill you endeavour to prioritise it.
I needed a service performed for a legal matter the resolution of which would be to the financial benefit of many.The costs of that service will likely be reimbursed by the other party; it just takes time. Many benefit excluding myself financially. Of the 13 beneficiaries, 1 made a direct offer to financially contribute. The other being my parent well I just feel like expects rewards I work for.
Anyway I got them a part settlement, the matter continues, more settlements are likely. The service performed was an integral part of the discovery process, the discovery process gives you ammunition for litigation, pre litigation is where you size each other up and determine whether settling is a more lucrative option, either in terms of award or savings. Hence the part payment; it looks good to the judge particularly when opposing party (me) has unearthed a nice trail of not so glittering examples of conduct by your client.
Everyone should be happy right? Nope.
Mostly every one feels entitled. Not so much as a thank you from the majority of them but I never expected Thanks. I wanted to enforce commercial boundaries to restore reputation. In my view, your character, work ethic, reputation, and talent bring wealth and this process has allowed me to practice, develop and refine all 4. When i move on from this, all of those assetts remain mine. Those left behind get a single opportunity to build on from, my opportunities continue . So I can afford to be graceful. My self interest in the matter was restoring a commercial reputation to a level I could personally live with.
However I still have to live with someone who doesn't pay or prioritise debts so I was annoyed by that. Long story short I have to pay for the service performed. I had prior to typing this out been very angered because it seemed to defy common sense. On top of that, another relative had a crisis requiring financial bailout and I failed to stop and think. Net result is, I'm sacrificing more of a limited me to rescue someone else when actually, I'm in winter time myself running on hard won reserves.
I think i have to hand a heap of stuff to my HP today and tonight and start fresh in the morning. At the moment I have a lot of conflicting emotions and motivations. I need to refocus, clear my head, set my schedule for the week and get some excercise, water and salad in.
Thanks for listening!
Lyne said
Sep 6, 2021
a4lnot sure I understand much of what you are experiencing except for the fact that time and time again I think my A has turned a corner, and I forget it is only temporary. If my A got alcohol treatment, I think our marriage could make some amazing and longed-for progress. My A is in another 12-step program and overall progress has been made. But my expectations creep in and that gets me into disappointment and back-stepping. We just had about two very pleasant weeks, and then the return to the negative, alcoholic thinking. Im in detachment mode and not at all thrown into some terrible mental state. I have already been out for a long walk with my dog, have done my indoor exercise, and have a variety of meaningful activities to go through my day with. Im fine but it did take some work yesterday. Now Im on re-set. Grateful member.
DM2021 said
Sep 6, 2021
a41, glad to be able to be sounding board for you. It does appear that you know exactly what is going on
and what avenues you have available to restart. We have all been (and will continue to be) there and I
commend you for your skill, insight and ability to work this program!! Wishing you and Lyne better days
and remember that you both are not alone!!
a4l said
Sep 7, 2021
Thanks all! TT you stepped into my mind. I know I will return to your words frequently to remind myself of the reality and the reality of not being alone in stepping out of the foo norm.
Today was a lot clearer. Sleep and food helped and so did getting the unpleasant business of communicating what was bothering me out of the way.
Professionally and personally I have to finish what I started. Hearing is four weeks away. I will leave the more complicated contractual arguments out of the way; those are likely to take years. In a way I'm disappointed to have to stop. But in another way I have to remember my own avatar.
I foresee much prayer and meditation; I need to open up to my inner wisdom and put my own will aside.
Thank you so much Lyne, Deb and TT.
Lyne said
Sep 7, 2021
{{{a4l}}}. Hugs going forward. :)
Iamhere said
Sep 7, 2021
(((a4l))) - I'm late to your share and so, so grateful that you were able to 'dump' and process here to clear the mind clutter. So often, when I am restless, irritable or discontent, it is profoundly helpful for me to write about it, talk about it and pray about it. And, of course, time and time again I end up back at Step One - reminding myself how utterly powerless I truly am over people, places, things, events, etc.
I love that you are able to practice your profession while serving others, even if others are not 'satisfied' or 'pleased' with the outcome and/or your efforts. I am one who truly does believe that all we do and go through happens for a reason even if it takes time for that to be revealed. As I am preparing to travel across the country to help my father place my mother in long-term care, I am willing to be of service. We will never know to what extent her current state is a result of her excessive alcohol consumption. I do know that even if it's the entire cause, it doesn't matter because the reality is she no longer can see and her brain is extremely damaged by the stroke.
All that I know to do is keep focusing on me, my self-care, my boundaries and detach from all that I can't control. I can so easily get sucked back in to chaos/drama when I am not spiritually fit. I am trying as best I know to take life one day at a time, be gentle with me, practice patience/tolerance with others and just do the next right thing.
I plan to leave my area (KS) on Friday or Saturday. I'm headed to my parents (Tucson, AZ) area. If anyone here is in New Mexico, closer to the AZ side and can recommend a quiet hotel, I'm in the market for one night. Feel free to send me a PM...
Take good care of you and trust that HP will take care of all else and others. This helps me so often - returning to a place of believing and trusting in a power greater than I to restore me/things to sanity. (((Hugs)))
I was sailing along,progressing nicely and then why hello, here I am again, the isms of chaos and manipulation and self sacrifice.
Now to be sure, today these are matters which represent bumps in the road as opposed to road closures but nonetheless very unpleasant.
My alcoholic aging parent is good for the most part but still of course an alcoholic with great intentions but little to no action or self discipline which I'm sure sounds familiar. It is difficult for me to not parent my parent. At the same time I resent the hell out of having to do it but feel like I have to.
I tend towards logic and intellect. The idea that a loved one of mine failed to excercise either then expects me to submit to an inferior reasoning leaves me cold. I am happy to support people I love but first there must be basic understanding as to what one's own role in any matter is.
Some thing that really disturbs me is the idea of owing people money. Borrowing money too is not cool with me. If you obtain a service you pay the bill. If you can not pay the bill you endeavour to prioritise it.
I needed a service performed for a legal matter the resolution of which would be to the financial benefit of many.The costs of that service will likely be reimbursed by the other party; it just takes time. Many benefit excluding myself financially. Of the 13 beneficiaries, 1 made a direct offer to financially contribute. The other being my parent well I just feel like expects rewards I work for.
Anyway I got them a part settlement, the matter continues, more settlements are likely. The service performed was an integral part of the discovery process, the discovery process gives you ammunition for litigation, pre litigation is where you size each other up and determine whether settling is a more lucrative option, either in terms of award or savings. Hence the part payment; it looks good to the judge particularly when opposing party (me) has unearthed a nice trail of not so glittering examples of conduct by your client.
Everyone should be happy right? Nope.
Mostly every one feels entitled. Not so much as a thank you from the majority of them but I never expected Thanks. I wanted to enforce commercial boundaries to restore reputation. In my view, your character, work ethic, reputation, and talent bring wealth and this process has allowed me to practice, develop and refine all 4. When i move on from this, all of those assetts remain mine. Those left behind get a single opportunity to build on from, my opportunities continue . So I can afford to be graceful. My self interest in the matter was restoring a commercial reputation to a level I could personally live with.
However I still have to live with someone who doesn't pay or prioritise debts so I was annoyed by that. Long story short I have to pay for the service performed. I had prior to typing this out been very angered because it seemed to defy common sense. On top of that, another relative had a crisis requiring financial bailout and I failed to stop and think. Net result is, I'm sacrificing more of a limited me to rescue someone else when actually, I'm in winter time myself running on hard won reserves.
I think i have to hand a heap of stuff to my HP today and tonight and start fresh in the morning. At the moment I have a lot of conflicting emotions and motivations. I need to refocus, clear my head, set my schedule for the week and get some excercise, water and salad in.
Thanks for listening!
and what avenues you have available to restart. We have all been (and will continue to be) there and I
commend you for your skill, insight and ability to work this program!! Wishing you and Lyne better days
and remember that you both are not alone!!
Today was a lot clearer. Sleep and food helped and so did getting the unpleasant business of communicating what was bothering me out of the way.
Professionally and personally I have to finish what I started. Hearing is four weeks away. I will leave the more complicated contractual arguments out of the way; those are likely to take years. In a way I'm disappointed to have to stop. But in another way I have to remember my own avatar.
I foresee much prayer and meditation; I need to open up to my inner wisdom and put my own will aside.
Thank you so much Lyne, Deb and TT.
I love that you are able to practice your profession while serving others, even if others are not 'satisfied' or 'pleased' with the outcome and/or your efforts. I am one who truly does believe that all we do and go through happens for a reason even if it takes time for that to be revealed. As I am preparing to travel across the country to help my father place my mother in long-term care, I am willing to be of service. We will never know to what extent her current state is a result of her excessive alcohol consumption. I do know that even if it's the entire cause, it doesn't matter because the reality is she no longer can see and her brain is extremely damaged by the stroke.
All that I know to do is keep focusing on me, my self-care, my boundaries and detach from all that I can't control. I can so easily get sucked back in to chaos/drama when I am not spiritually fit. I am trying as best I know to take life one day at a time, be gentle with me, practice patience/tolerance with others and just do the next right thing.
I plan to leave my area (KS) on Friday or Saturday. I'm headed to my parents (Tucson, AZ) area. If anyone here is in New Mexico, closer to the AZ side and can recommend a quiet hotel, I'm in the market for one night. Feel free to send me a PM...
Take good care of you and trust that HP will take care of all else and others. This helps me so often - returning to a place of believing and trusting in a power greater than I to restore me/things to sanity. (((Hugs)))