The reading for Monday, 9/6, speaks about feeling the right and obligation to control others. Somehow we thought we should set the standards for the A, for the family, etc. However, if we are trying to follow the alanon program, then we need to overcome the ideas of directing, scheming, and manipulating. Those actions only result in our own defeat. We need to give the alcoholic freedom to make their own decisions and perhaps suffer their own defeat. The writer gives a quote from Tolstoy:
I sit on a mans back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible meansexcept by getting off his back.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
No matter how many years I now have in alanon, I must constantly remind myself to allow my A and other family members to make their own decisions, and mind my own business. I have gotten better, but perhaps due to lack of trust, witnessing poor decision making at times, observing risky behavior, etc., makes me think I know better. Maybe I do, and maybe I dont, but I still need to focus on myself. Except for my dog and my 10 year old granddaughter, I need to leave everyone else alone. Progress not perfection.
Daffodils said
Sep 6, 2021
Good Morning Lyne. Thank you for stressing mind my own business and let go of thinking I know better. When I better understood Al-Anon solutions, I was able to work on saying things once (no follow up either), or not saying something at all. I had the misguided notion that AH was my business but by focusing on me, I realized I was not taking care of the business of fixing me. As I grow, I am grateful my HP stepped in when I thought I knew better...I interfered with my/ AH's growth . When I get out of the way, things have a way of resolving themselves and in most cases, better than what I thought. It's very humbling but HP is gracious by placing Al-Anon members in my path to ease the guilt and shame. Overall, life is so much easier ...thanks and have an awesome day. Looking forward to baseball this afternoon...
DM2021 said
Sep 6, 2021
Thank you Lyne for your service, today's reading and to you and Daffodils for both your ESH.
I agree that it is not always easy to maintain that "hands off" mindset, but when I do practice it
I feel so much better!! I do have to, quite often, hand off to HP my feelings of resentment and
judgement. I am really working on that aspect of my personality and know that when that becomes
second nature I will truly feel free!!! Happy Labor Day MIP Family!!
JerryF said
Sep 6, 2021
Good Morning all and thanks for the program wake up. It is encouraging to me to remember how recovery came my way as at first I resisted and fought the miracles which were happening all around me thinking that the fellowship was crazy and prone to just bother others. It was after coming back often that I realized that so many lives were being changed for the better by the "preachers and teachers and doers" and then I came to the challenge "If it is working for them maybe, just maybe it will work for me". I had to face up to the slogan "If it works....WORK IT YOUR SELF!!" and then when it didn't work out immediately, heard another slogan..."TIME TAKES TIME" and more and more.
I spent more time with the recovery practices and understanding and let go of my ego and failures until I could see, feel, hear and know my life was becoming wonderfully different though it took more time to accept the changes daily.
Yes the slogan "This works when you work it" was a truism and I committed to working it. Today I am committed to this other way of life rather then the insanity I use to live....and....the sanest response I have is Work It!! It Works. In support. ((((hugs))))
PosiesandPuppies said
Sep 6, 2021
Happy Monday! And for those in the US, I hope that you are not laboring on this Labor Day Holiday!
Thank you Lyne for this reading and your share. I have learned that when you have years and years of managing, directing, and yes, controlling, that takes away a person's freedom to be their true selves. Does it prevent hardships, negative consequences, jail time? Of course it does. However, the growth of that person is stifled, and the life that has been carved out is fake and really hangs by the thinnest of threads.
I am thankful that I have stepped out of those shoes. To have a much better understanding of a "hands off" approach has worked wonders for my peace of mind living with a "new adult" (my kid). Grateful member here!
Enjoy Monday!
serenity47 said
Sep 6, 2021
Thank you for this reading.
Keeping my hands off and staying on my side of the street has been the best thing for myself. However it didn't come naturally thats for sure.
I used to feel that it was my job to guide, advise, comment, steer and direct others as clearly I knew what was best for them lol.
It is very difficult to watch others make mistakes, perhaps take dangerous risks etc but me interfering with that process only interrupts their own growth.
Life is so much more peaceful just minding my own business.
The reading for Monday, 9/6, speaks about feeling the right and obligation to control others. Somehow we thought we should set the standards for the A, for the family, etc. However, if we are trying to follow the alanon program, then we need to overcome the ideas of directing, scheming, and manipulating. Those actions only result in our own defeat. We need to give the alcoholic freedom to make their own decisions and perhaps suffer their own defeat. The writer gives a quote from Tolstoy:
I sit on a mans back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible meansexcept by getting off his back.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
No matter how many years I now have in alanon, I must constantly remind myself to allow my A and other family members to make their own decisions, and mind my own business. I have gotten better, but perhaps due to lack of trust, witnessing poor decision making at times, observing risky behavior, etc., makes me think I know better. Maybe I do, and maybe I dont, but I still need to focus on myself. Except for my dog and my 10 year old granddaughter, I need to leave everyone else alone. Progress not perfection.
I agree that it is not always easy to maintain that "hands off" mindset, but when I do practice it
I feel so much better!! I do have to, quite often, hand off to HP my feelings of resentment and
judgement. I am really working on that aspect of my personality and know that when that becomes
second nature I will truly feel free!!! Happy Labor Day MIP Family!!
Good Morning all and thanks for the program wake up. It is encouraging to me to remember how recovery came my way as at first I resisted and fought the miracles which were happening all around me thinking that the fellowship was crazy and prone to just bother others. It was after coming back often that I realized that so many lives were being changed for the better by the "preachers and teachers and doers" and then I came to the challenge "If it is working for them maybe, just maybe it will work for me". I had to face up to the slogan "If it works....WORK IT YOUR SELF!!" and then when it didn't work out immediately, heard another slogan..."TIME TAKES TIME" and more and more.
I spent more time with the recovery practices and understanding and let go of my ego and failures until I could see, feel, hear and know my life was becoming wonderfully different though it took more time to accept the changes daily.
Yes the slogan "This works when you work it" was a truism and I committed to working it. Today I am committed to this other way of life rather then the insanity I use to live....and....the sanest response I have is Work It!! It Works. In support. ((((hugs))))
Happy Monday! And for those in the US, I hope that you are not laboring on this Labor Day Holiday!
Thank you Lyne for this reading and your share. I have learned that when you have years and years of managing, directing, and yes, controlling, that takes away a person's freedom to be their true selves. Does it prevent hardships, negative consequences, jail time? Of course it does. However, the growth of that person is stifled, and the life that has been carved out is fake and really hangs by the thinnest of threads.
I am thankful that I have stepped out of those shoes. To have a much better understanding of a "hands off" approach has worked wonders for my peace of mind living with a "new adult" (my kid).
Grateful member here!
Enjoy Monday!
Keeping my hands off and staying on my side of the street has been the best thing for myself. However it didn't come naturally thats for sure.
I used to feel that it was my job to guide, advise, comment, steer and direct others as clearly I knew what was best for them lol.
It is very difficult to watch others make mistakes, perhaps take dangerous risks etc but me interfering with that process only interrupts their own growth.
Life is so much more peaceful just minding my own business.