At some point in our Alanon journey, our appreciation deepens for the role of honesty and candor in our recovery. This often is accompanied by acknowledgement that our behavior at times, like the alcoholic's, has been neither sane or rational; progress...
This may not be the end of the Alanon journey, however, as perspective and tools of Alanon can guide us in all areas of our lives and teach us how to find contentment and Serenity.
Reminder: Alanon is not just for getting through the crisis stage of addressing someone's alcohol use. It has much greater utility as a way of life, a worldview that is customizable and growth oriented.
"Once I have overcome the problems that first brought me into this fellowship, I am confident that my continuing search for spiritual understanding will yield ever richer benefits." - unknown --------------------- When Alanon was recommended to me, I thought it was for helping the drinker in my life; I believed thoroughly that relief would come once the drinker stopped, or I was away from them.
Thanks to the insight of Alanon and personal reflection, I came to realize that my pain came not from the events and circumstances around me, but from how I perceived and responded to them.
The first step in this realization was honest review of my attempts to control people and events outside of my control. The next was to realize and accept that my tendencies went far beyond dealing with alcohol, but in all my thoughts and interactions.
This was the beginning of a worldview change and increasing glimpses of serenity and illumination of the path of spiritual growth and enlightenment. Very grateful for the wisdom of Alanon
DM2021 said
Aug 24, 2021
Thank you Paul for today's reading, your service and ESH.
My HP was most certainly guiding me through those very difficult times to Al-Anon. I remember googling a question about AH and the way
he was treating me and MIP popped up as an answer. Wow ... has Al-Anon/MIP changed my life. I still am a work in progress for sure,
but have come to the realization, like you and so many others, that my life and worldview have forever been changed for the better.
Iamhere said
Aug 24, 2021
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thanks also for the posted ESH & shares. I also arrived wanting the 'fix' for those I love with addiction/alcoholism. Not so fast they said. Instead, it was suggested I focus on me, work on me and that I was as sick (or sicker) than those I fretted about.
Of course, I did not like what I heard. Of course, I felt they were wrong in every way. And I did choose to walk away and battle the disease a bit longer. In my experience, trying to control, monitor, manage, fix, correct, etc. all those around me to fit into 'my definition' of how life should be did not work out - at all.
What I know now is I am a better mother, daughter, friend, sister, etc. when I am taking good care of me and then being of service to others. Saying No is not a selfish answer; it's a healthy answer to a request I feel unqualified to respond to. I lean into this program and on others I love in recovery often/daily. Left to my own devices and thinking, I would have been on the road last night, headed out of state, with not much sleep and way too much emotional Adrenalin.
Instead, I am working on Plan B's for my responsibilities here, packing what I need, cooking healthy meals to take along and leave behind for my AH and helping from afar as best I can. My mother has been moved from one hospital to another. She's still in the ED (Emergency Department) as there are no beds available (so far). The biggest change from yesterday to today is that my father can't visit her at the larger hospital until she's formally admitted. No formal tests will be done until she's admitted. We're in a 'catch 22' - I am powerless over that as well as what may come next.
I am so grateful for the wisdom of others who came before me in this program....they remind me when I start to 'spin out' that I am part of a larger plan, trust in that plan will help me calm down and being helpful vs. helpless is a choice. While I am worrying about my mother a few states away, we got news this morning that my friend is declining rapidly.
I must share that I have prepared for my friend to pass and have also prepared for my mother/parents to pass. As much as one can actually do so. What did not cross my mind until this morning is that I am not prepared for my mother and my friend to pass at the same time. When I realized this possible reality, sadness has replaced my worry. Our program tells me it's OK to be sad. It's OK to try and wrap my head & heart around 'this'. I don't need to have all the answers or even a 'plan' - I can just take some time and process. As part of my self-care today, I did go golf in my 9-hole league. I did not golf well and that's OK - I got out, focused on something different and spent quality time with my HP.
Recovery has given me the gift of being able to be authentic. I can honestly say that admitting my feelings isn't something I would have done BR (Before Recovery). I am so grateful that no matter what's going on in my life or my day, I have support who can remind me of our tools, our beliefs and how to get back to a saner/serene place. (((Hugs))) to all - make it a great day!
Im said
Aug 24, 2021
Wow, Paul. ... I am newbie here to all of this but... Gosh... your statement of Thanks to the insight of Alanon and personal reflection, I came to realize that my pain came not from the events and circumstances around me, but from how I perceived and responded to them hit in the face like a fry pan. Here I was previously thinking all that went wrong in my relationship was a ABFs fault. He was selfish and it hurt me. I hadnt taken the time to looks at my feelings and reactions to him. Wow. Again I was expecting perfection and not recognizing the progress. Ughhhh.....Thanks needed this!
-- Edited by Im on Tuesday 24th of August 2021 03:08:54 PM
Daffodils said
Aug 24, 2021
Thank you Paul for your service/ESH thought provoking post which guides me to change my perspective. I agree wholeheartedly with you lm. And Iamhere, sending prayers to you and your parents. DM2021, I hope Henri didn't wreak too much havoc in your part of the world. Grateful to be part of MIP.
serenity47 said
Aug 24, 2021
Thank you for your service. That resonated with me today. Its all how I perceive and choose to respond to events which either causes me more pain and turmoil or acceptance and growth.
Gypsy Nightengale said
Aug 25, 2021
I so needed to read this today. I am struggling so much. I do not know where to turn. I am having trouble finding a meeting online at any time I am not working, short of the middle of the night and sleep is something I do not get enough of.
I am living in fear, I stop, I pray, I hand it over and still I feel unsafe, not of physical abuse, of the AH and the blame placed on me, the burden of needing so much from me constantly with no assistance. I am a part of another fellowship also and so I find myself struggling.
Thank you
Freetime said
Aug 25, 2021
Welcome, Gypsy! I am glad that you found us and that you shared, although sorry for what brings you here. I think all of us here understand what it's like to feel overwhelmed from living with someone else's alcoholism. We are here 24/7, so keep coming back.
Enigmatic said
Aug 25, 2021
Welcome Gypsy, glad you're here, you are in the right place...by the time I found Alanon I was maxed out and had run out of things to try; I'm grateful I kept coming back long enough to find the peace I desperately wanted.
At some point in our Alanon journey, our appreciation deepens for the role of honesty and candor in our recovery. This often is accompanied by acknowledgement that our behavior at times, like the alcoholic's, has been neither sane or rational; progress...
This may not be the end of the Alanon journey, however, as perspective and tools of Alanon can guide us in all areas of our lives and teach us how to find contentment and Serenity.
Reminder: Alanon is not just for getting through the crisis stage of addressing someone's alcohol use. It has much greater utility as a way of life, a worldview that is customizable and growth oriented.
"Once I have overcome the problems that first brought me into this fellowship, I am confident that my continuing search for spiritual understanding will yield ever richer benefits." - unknown
---------------------
When Alanon was recommended to me, I thought it was for helping the drinker in my life; I believed thoroughly that relief would come once the drinker stopped, or I was away from them.
Thanks to the insight of Alanon and personal reflection, I came to realize that my pain came not from the events and circumstances around me, but from how I perceived and responded to them.
The first step in this realization was honest review of my attempts to control people and events outside of my control. The next was to realize and accept that my tendencies went far beyond dealing with alcohol, but in all my thoughts and interactions.
This was the beginning of a worldview change and increasing glimpses of serenity and illumination of the path of spiritual growth and enlightenment. Very grateful for the wisdom of Alanon
My HP was most certainly guiding me through those very difficult times to Al-Anon. I remember googling a question about AH and the way
he was treating me and MIP popped up as an answer. Wow ... has Al-Anon/MIP changed my life. I still am a work in progress for sure,
but have come to the realization, like you and so many others, that my life and worldview have forever been changed for the better.
Of course, I did not like what I heard. Of course, I felt they were wrong in every way. And I did choose to walk away and battle the disease a bit longer. In my experience, trying to control, monitor, manage, fix, correct, etc. all those around me to fit into 'my definition' of how life should be did not work out - at all.
What I know now is I am a better mother, daughter, friend, sister, etc. when I am taking good care of me and then being of service to others. Saying No is not a selfish answer; it's a healthy answer to a request I feel unqualified to respond to. I lean into this program and on others I love in recovery often/daily. Left to my own devices and thinking, I would have been on the road last night, headed out of state, with not much sleep and way too much emotional Adrenalin.
Instead, I am working on Plan B's for my responsibilities here, packing what I need, cooking healthy meals to take along and leave behind for my AH and helping from afar as best I can. My mother has been moved from one hospital to another. She's still in the ED (Emergency Department) as there are no beds available (so far). The biggest change from yesterday to today is that my father can't visit her at the larger hospital until she's formally admitted. No formal tests will be done until she's admitted. We're in a 'catch 22' - I am powerless over that as well as what may come next.
I am so grateful for the wisdom of others who came before me in this program....they remind me when I start to 'spin out' that I am part of a larger plan, trust in that plan will help me calm down and being helpful vs. helpless is a choice. While I am worrying about my mother a few states away, we got news this morning that my friend is declining rapidly.
I must share that I have prepared for my friend to pass and have also prepared for my mother/parents to pass. As much as one can actually do so. What did not cross my mind until this morning is that I am not prepared for my mother and my friend to pass at the same time. When I realized this possible reality, sadness has replaced my worry. Our program tells me it's OK to be sad. It's OK to try and wrap my head & heart around 'this'. I don't need to have all the answers or even a 'plan' - I can just take some time and process. As part of my self-care today, I did go golf in my 9-hole league. I did not golf well and that's OK - I got out, focused on something different and spent quality time with my HP.
Recovery has given me the gift of being able to be authentic. I can honestly say that admitting my feelings isn't something I would have done BR (Before Recovery). I am so grateful that no matter what's going on in my life or my day, I have support who can remind me of our tools, our beliefs and how to get back to a saner/serene place. (((Hugs))) to all - make it a great day!
Wow, Paul. ... I am newbie here to all of this but... Gosh... your statement of Thanks to the insight of Alanon and personal reflection, I came to realize that my pain came not from the events and circumstances around me, but from how I perceived and responded to them hit in the face like a fry pan. Here I was previously thinking all that went wrong in my relationship was a ABFs fault. He was selfish and it hurt me. I hadnt taken the time to looks at my feelings and reactions to him. Wow. Again I was expecting perfection and not recognizing the progress. Ughhhh.....Thanks needed this!
-- Edited by Im on Tuesday 24th of August 2021 03:08:54 PM
I so needed to read this today. I am struggling so much. I do not know where to turn. I am having trouble finding a meeting online at any time I am not working, short of the middle of the night and sleep is something I do not get enough of.
I am living in fear, I stop, I pray, I hand it over and still I feel unsafe, not of physical abuse, of the AH and the blame placed on me, the burden of needing so much from me constantly with no assistance. I am a part of another fellowship also and so I find myself struggling.
Thank you
Hope you can stay with us