in today's reading the author talks about since coming to Al-Anon, that they have become more aware of choices they never knew they had.

If they are uncomfortable about doing something, they have learned that they don't necessarily have to do it, but instead look into their heart and discover their true feeling before making that decision. 

On the other hand, they also ask whether they should never do anything, unless they feel comfortable doing it - but realise this is not an option, otherwise taxes might not get paid, work might not get done and teeth might not get brushed.  Sometimes feelings have to be felt and then act anyway.

The author believes that is why just for today suggests doing two things each day that they don't want to do, just for practice. Some self-discipline is required to create a balanced life and in that way attention can be paid to feelings without being tyrannised by them.

Today's Reminder - Today I will do something that is good for me, even if it feels uncomfortable.  "Self discipline is self-caring" M. Scott Peck

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Whilst with my AH, I certainly did things I was uncomfortable doing.  Before Al-Anon, I did all sorts of thing in an attempt to just keep the peace.  I stuffed my feelings down and just tried to get through each minute and pretend things were relatively 'normal' - partly in an attempt to deny my own denial and partly because I couldn't face the horror of what my children would be witnessing if I allowed all my feelings to spill out.   However through Al-Anon I learned that I had choices. I also learned that what I was really teaching the children was that it was OK to deny your own feelings and that living a life of hypervigilance where none of us knew what would happen from one minute to the next was 'normal'.

It took me a while, but with support, I worked out what my own true values were. The right and need to be both respectful, but also importantly be respected by others and if not, that I had the choice to walk away.  Slowly, slowly every time my boundary was violated, I would put all of the children into the car and leave the house.  In the beginning I was a seething mess driving the car goodness knows where - which was probably just as frightening for the children as staying in the house with the alcoholic, but over time and with Al-Anon, I still left the house when my boundaries were broken but we had serene journeys - sometimes just driving to the river and watching the sunset.  I learned to keep a picnic set in the car, blankets, sports gear etc - so that whenever we left for a few hours we could do something impromptu but fun together.    The children and I both learned that if we were not being respected, we could choose to leave the situation, calmly.

Over time and again with Al-Anon, I learned that for me personally, I did not want to live my life leaving the house what seemed to be like every single day.  My husband was and still is an active alcoholic and has chosen not to enter recovery.   I listened to my feelings.   I left with the children for good.   

Sometimes I do things I don't want to do.  For me this is not about paying taxes or doing my work.  It's about doing things I feel uncomfortable doing, because my self worth is still growing.  Two days ago I was invited to an event by a person I didn't know very well.  They paid for me, but when I arrived they made negative comments about my weight (I freely admit I need to lose a little bit of weight). The old me would have stayed there and felt obliged because they had paid for the ticket.  The new me still felt uncomfortable saying it, but I politely asked the person to stop making comments and when they continued I calmly thanked them for the ticket, but said I felt insulted by their comments and left.   These are the types of steps I am continuing to work on each day.

Thank you for your service and ESH, Bettertomorrow!

I have feelings of discomfort doing almost everything. Was I always this way, or have I made wrong interpretations along the way that feed my feelings of inferiority? Lately, I have been trying to do things with my HP. I will accomplish tasks as well as He/She allows. Today, it will be housework and grocery shopping. Tuesday it is a job interview. 

I may not clean the house as well as someone else would and I may not get the job, but I will show up willing and my HP will be holding me as I try.

Better - Thank you for your service. What a wonderful share!!! I love how you described just how you were using the Al-Anon tools to fit what was happening in your life! While not advising anyone, you were able to lead by example of "how" to work this part of the program! When I was a newbie to all this, that is all I wanted - some guidance. Well, If I am honest, I also wanted my spouse to go back to the man I married, but I digress! LOL!

By examining this reading, it reminds me that I was all convoluted - trying to be everything to everybody... trying to hold it all together... denying that my life (and by default my kid's life) was in shambles and mostly chaos!! I did many things I did not want to do. I have worked on the resentments I developed b/c of that. Due to Al-Anon, I am reminded that I did have choices... at the time, I chose not to make waves or "rock the boat." Was that healthy? Perhaps in that moment, but not long-term. I have asked for forgiveness for myself and also from my child (now adult). It took many Step 4's to understand my true feelings, and to accept that some of them would make others uncomfortable/sad/mad.

"This above all: to thine own self be true." - Polonius/Shakespeare

Today is going to be in the triple digits! So I will water the garden early, fill up my bird feeders, and do some indoor jobs. Perhaps even start my art project I have been putting off! LOL!  Hope everyone finds their JOY today!