Welcome back Prissykitty!!

So sorry you are dealing with the "dry drunk syndrome"!

I have not personally had to deal with it, but understand that you deal with it the same as you would if

AH were drinking. No different.

Al-Anon tools, slogans, steps & traditions, for me are always handy!

I read from One-Day-At-A-Time and Courage to Change.

Glad you are back and keep coming back!!

Thank you!!!!

Welcome back, PrissyKitty. I know you will get some great experience, strength and hope here.

I don't have your exact experience of dry drunk -- well, I can never be certain if my loved one had been drinking or not -- but I certainly experienced that negative, wanting-to-argue attitude. I never wanted to get into arguments -- and it was hard listening to him try to "rile up" other family members. I love the saying "Don't pick up the rope." Also "Don't take the bait." And "Don't get in the cage with the gorilla."

Al-Anon has helped me figure out what to do with myself when I am not in the cage, not hooked on the bait, and not holding onto the rope. I can imagine this must be very hard with two young children to care for.

Keep coming back!

YES! Brutal! Living with the rage(ing) of a dry drunk is so tough! I did not discover Al-Anon until mine was working AA and had 15 years of dry drunkenness under his belt. I imagine program would have been very helpful in those crazy moments when he blamed meor the multitudes of others for his unhappiness.

Bless you, PK! Keep coming back.

Bbrave YES!!!! Blaming everyone and everything in his life for his depression and anxiety and rage!!! Even when I dont take. the bait it becomes someone at work or his FOO!!!! Thank you for sharing that youve seen it! Helps to remind me that Im not crazy

Welcome back Prissykitty - good to see you again. I believe I have lived with and experienced all facets of a sober qualifier and it can be maddening. When my boys were smaller, (before Al-Anon for me) I just made a decision that my AH was not reliable and parented alone. If he happened to be 'present' and 'able' to participate, I accepted it as a break/gift. In other words, co-parenting was not really possible full-time.

As I reflect, I do feel fortunate that he traveled a ton for his job. It did give me some breaks (needed) from much of the insanity. Also, as I reflect, most of our biggest arguments had everything to do with my expectations of a co-parent/partner or the kids, both of which now seem small - then, not at all....I was often overwhelmed!

I do wish I had found Al-Anon when my boys were smaller. The stress & anxiety I felt was clearly passed on to them both. I did not know how to accept that which I could not change nor did I know how to detach or have healthy boundaries! I applaud you for knowing it's all better when we are able to stay in our own lane -- not always easy yet rewarding.

Keep doing what you're doing and my best personal course of action when one of mine are 'in my face, picking a fight' is to repeat over and over in my mind - 'Bless Them, Change Me'....my abbreviated serenity prayer.

I did find 2 places in my home where mine won't follow to rant - the bathroom & the laundry room. I've spent some quality time in both to 'detach physically'. When I don't engage, they tend to move along. (((Hugs)))

Thank you so much for the responses. I agree the term dry drunk is judgmental. Ive used it as an insult when I made the mistake of engaging and nagging and blaming. Im learning now. Observe but dont judge. So many great tools here. So grateful for this site and the program.

@iamhere you are totally correct! Im in the mentality now that kind of assumes Ill be handling the majority of parenting alone and when/if he decides to join I just embrace it. A lot of it has to do with how I manage my expectations. Heard an amazing podcast about choosing when to set a boundary in parenting and really getting out of his way when he does choose to engage with the kids.

I hear you! I know for me that when I have lost my peace or serenity, more often than not, it's related to my own expectations. I do believe and have experienced peace and serenity in spite of what others are doing, or not doing and that makes me keep coming back!! (((Hugs)))

Hello PK and welcome back. My A is active now and then, but without alcohol treatment I am trying to keep my expectations low. My A does attend a different 12 step program, and that has made some improvements. What I find most maddening is my A making illogical, irrational, and/or untruthful statements. Lately I have not done a good job of keeping the focus on myself. Without alanon I think I would have lost it by now. The help and wisdom shared with me through this board, my F2F meeting now on zoom, a wonderful sponsor, and program friends, are helping me to have a fairly sane life. Progress not perfection! Keep coming back. :)