I just love reading the C2C everyday.  I start on January 1st and read

two a day.  I just arrived on April 8th and so wanted to share this one

because I feel that the ultimate goal of Al-Anon is to help us move on

from the past.  The reading says that "examining the past does have

great value"  because to examine it helps us to understand ourselves

in order to face reality and it also good to relive good memories as well!!

The reading moves on to say that "it is important to remember that the

past is over and that although we have taken steps to make amends, we

cannot change the past."  

Finally, "the best use we can make of the past is to face it and then move

on and not let it hold us back from living in the here and now".

Quote:  "The past is but the beginning of a beginning" ~ H.G.Wells

Deb

 I think I have been waiting all my life for some kind of an amend from my family of origin

That never arrived 

I do of course have complex PTSD which is a pretty intense complex disorder. I can at times come to some sense of acceptance about having it. At other times it feels very challenging. 

I must certainly have my own every day challenges which often feel insurmountable 

Right now I am on decluttering plan to get rid of so many belongings every day.  I have disposed of bags of stuff. I hope to couple that with letting go of resentment grief and anxiety

I know it will be hard going 

Maresie 

I understand that PTSD can complicate the effectiveness of the Al-Anon program,
the disorder requires some pretty intense commitment to "Let Go" and understand
ones anger/fear/resentment so the program can be worked as best as one can.

Ran across this at - patiencepress.com/documents/TSFFform.pdf

Printed below are excerpts from:

Suggested Format For
A 12 Step Group For Trauma
Survivors, Their Families And
Friends

LET GO...
to let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I cant do it for someone else.
to let go is not to cut myself off, its the realization I cant control another.
to let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
to let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
to let go is not to try to change or blame another, its to make the most of myself.
to let go is not to care for, but to care about.
to let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
to let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
to let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
to let go is not to be protective, its to permit another to face reality.
to let go is not to deny, but to accept.
to let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
to let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
to let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
to let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
to let go is to fear less and love more.

Understand the anger that maybe holding one back, in relation to trauma:

If we have a national fault, it is hiding our anger from ourselves. Here is a checklist to help you determine if
you are hiding your anger from yourself. Any of these is usually a sign of hidden, unexpressed anger.
1. Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
2. Perpetual or habitual lateness.
3. A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.
4. Sarcasm, cynicism, or flippancy in conversation.
5. Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of grin and bear it.
6. Frequent sighing.
7. Smiling while hurting.
8. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.
9. Over-controlled, monotone speaking voice.
10. Difficulty in getting to sleep or in sleeping through the night.
11. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.
12. Slowing down of movements.
13. Getting tired more easily than usual.
14. Excessive irritability over trifles.
15. Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.
16. Sleeping more than usual.
17. Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.
18. Clenched jawsespecially while sleeping.
19. Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done
unintentionally or unaware.
20. Grinding of the teethespecially while sleeping.
21. Chronically stiff or sore neck.
22. Chronic depressionextended periods of feeling down for no reason.
23. Stomach ulcers.

This is not about rage. Rage is anger out of control and taking over your whole being. This is about the feelings we call irritation, annoyance, getting mad, etc. All of these negative feelings share one thing in
common: they are considered undesirable at best, sinful or destructive at worst. We are taught to avoid them
to avoid having them if possible (it isnt) but certainly to avoid expressing them. Unfortunately, many people
go overboard in controlling negative feelings; they control not only their expression , but their awareness of
them too.

Because you are unaware of being angry does not mean that you are not angry. It is the anger you are
unaware of which can do the most damage to you and to your relationships with other people, since it does get
expressed, but in inappropriate ways. Freud once likened anger to the smoke in an old-fashioned wood-burning stove. The normal avenue for discharge of the smoke is up the chimney; if the normal avenue is blocked,
the smoke will leak out of the stove in unintended waysaround the door, through the grates, etc.choking
everyone in the room. If all avenues of escape are blocked, the fire goes out and the stove ceases to function.
likewise the normal (human) expression of anger is gross physical movement and/or loud vocalization; watch
a red-faced hungry infant sometime. By age five or so we are taught that such expressions are unacceptable to
others and lead to undesirable consequences such as being beaten or having affection withheld.
We learn to be nice which means (among other things) hiding bad feelings. By adulthood even verbal
expression is curtailed, since a civilized person is expected to be civil. Thus, expression is stifled, and to
protect ourselves from the unbearable burden of continually unexpressed bad feelings, we go to the next step
and convince ourselves that we are not angry, even when we are. Such self-deception is seldom completely
successful, however, and the blocked anger leaks out in inappropriate ways, some of which are previously
listed.

The items in the list are all danger signals that negative feelings are being bottled up inside. It is true that each
of them can have causes other than anger (procrastination, for example, can be due to an unreasonable fear of
failure), but the presence of any of them is reason enough for you to look within yourself for buried resentments. If you are human, you will find some. If you are fortunate, you will find few, since you have learned
effective ways of discharging them. If you are like most of us, you will need to unlearn old habits before you
can learn new ways of handling bad feelingsways which are constructive rather than destructive.
Getting rid of a lifetime accumulation of buried resentments is a major task which is one of the goals of psychotherapy. Whether such a process is necessary for you should be decided in consultation with a qualified
professional person. our immediate concern in this paper is to provide you with some techniques which will
help you stop adding to the pile, whatever its existing depth.

The process of dealing with negative feelings can be divided into three parts for purposes of discussion,
although the living of it is all of a piece. The parts are:
1. Recognition of the feelings.
2. Owning itacknowledging that it is yours.
3. Discharging itacting on it in some way.

RECOGNITION: Everybody has her own body signals indicating current, on-the-spot anger. Look for yours:
friends and relatives might be helpful, since they may be aware of your irritation before you are, and may be
able to tell you how they can tell when you are upset. Some common signals are: clamming up; blushing;
shortening of breath; drumming with fingers; foot tapping; shaking or twisting; laughing when nothing amusing is happening; patting or stroking the back of the head; clenching jaws or fist; tucking a thumb inside a fist;
yawning or getting drowsy; suddenly refusing eye contact with another person; fidgeting; apologizing when
none is asked for; a pain in the neck, gut, or back; headaches; a rise in voice pitch. The list is interminable; try
to find out what your signals are.

If you find yourself depressed or blue and dont know why, think back over the past twenty-four hours and
try to figure out who did something to anger you. (Depression is usually the result of repressed anger). Forget
that you are a nice person and imagine yourself to be the touchiest, most unreasonable, childish person on
the earth. review your day and look for an incident where this imaginary person might have gotten angry.
When you find the incident ask yourself why you didnt get angry. Chances are you did and didnt know it.
Remember what you actually did and said in that situation; try to relive it; you may learn some of your own
internal anger signals.

OWNING IT: The anger is yours. The other person may have said or done something that punched your anger
button, but the anger is yours, and so are the feelings it triggers. You cannot make someone else responsible
for your own feelings. Blaming does not help. Nothing the other person does will help, unless it is in response
to something you do.
Accepting anger as your own is easier if you discard the idea that feelings need to be justified. They dont
and frequently cannot be. Should and feel are two words which do not belong together. It is senseless to
say that someone should feel some way. Feelings are just there in the same way your skin, muscles and vital
organs are just there. In fact it is downright harmful to worry about what your feelings should be. Knowing
what your feelings are is the best start to deciding the best thing to do.

DISCHARGING IT: First, foremost, and always, dont hide it. Youll probably not be successful anyway.
Anger demands expression. If you have recognized it and owned it, then you will have a choice of when,
where and how you may express it. Society and your own safety forbid violence. Friendships and other interpersonal relationships (husband/wife, employer/employee) make explosive verbal expression ultimately self defeating. Just saying, That makes me angry, or I do not like it when may not be as satisfying as bashing someone, but it is far more satisfying than saying and doing nothing. There are in reality a few situation in
which it is in your best interest to delay expression, but none in which you can afford to delay recognition or
owning. the New York Adult Children of Alcoholics.

This book looks to be something that can be another resource for trauma/12 step recovery:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/some-assembly-required/202006/trauma-and-the-12-steps-synthesis-whose-time-is-now