I pretty much knew some of what I was getting into. I married my boyfriend who I guess it's 'right' to call him an addict as he's smoked pot 50 yrs. Overall maybe it doesn't interfere with our relationship but I don't know enough to realize it is. I have seen him in stressful situations where I see how it affects him. We've only been married 2 weeks after both going through divorces and in our 60's. We can have great, fun times but then he can say something or give advice that is really unncecessary and gets under my skin. It insults my intellegence. He really go upset about something this morning and was frustrated because I wasn't going to do something his way. He did express his feelings that when he tries it's like he's hurt when I don't do it. He didn't see it as a good discussion. It must be hard to seem vulnerable. It seems like there are so many things we are going to have to work on I don't know where to begin. I get overwhelmed.
But what am I supposed to do. One time I walked away without commenting and he said so you're not going to say anything. Oh I have been in Al-Anon for 5 yrs, not regularly lately though because problems with my worka holic ex husband. I never would have married this one if I did not have so much Al-Anon 'under my belt' but didn't think I would feel this unhappy so soon in our marriage.
Thanks for listenening
Debb said
Jun 15, 2021
Catlover26, welcome to MIP and am sorry you are unhappy with your new marriage.
I have to say that I was very happy to read you have some Al-Anon under your belt
because it does sound like you are going to have to tap into it. We all know the
drill when it comes to dealing with addiction .... detachment is our best bet for
controlling the chaos. Those arguments I refer to as the chaos.
You are so welcome to visit and talk with us anytime, and if you want to work
those Al-Anon steps again you can do that on this forum.
I pretty much knew some of what I was getting into. I married my boyfriend who I guess it's 'right' to call him an addict as he's smoked pot 50 yrs. Overall maybe it doesn't interfere with our relationship but I don't know enough to realize it is. I have seen him in stressful situations where I see how it affects him. We've only been married 2 weeks after both going through divorces and in our 60's. We can have great, fun times but then he can say something or give advice that is really unncecessary and gets under my skin. It insults my intellegence. He really go upset about something this morning and was frustrated because I wasn't going to do something his way. He did express his feelings that when he tries it's like he's hurt when I don't do it. He didn't see it as a good discussion. It must be hard to seem vulnerable. It seems like there are so many things we are going to have to work on I don't know where to begin. I get overwhelmed.
But what am I supposed to do. One time I walked away without commenting and he said so you're not going to say anything. Oh I have been in Al-Anon for 5 yrs, not regularly lately though because problems with my worka holic ex husband. I never would have married this one if I did not have so much Al-Anon 'under my belt' but didn't think I would feel this unhappy so soon in our marriage.
Thanks for listenening
Catlover26, welcome to MIP and am sorry you are unhappy with your new marriage.
I have to say that I was very happy to read you have some Al-Anon under your belt
because it does sound like you are going to have to tap into it. We all know the
drill when it comes to dealing with addiction .... detachment is our best bet for
controlling the chaos. Those arguments I refer to as the chaos.
You are so welcome to visit and talk with us anytime, and if you want to work
those Al-Anon steps again you can do that on this forum.
stepwork.activeboard.com/
Can you get to a local face-to-face meeting and maybe contact/select a sponsor?
-- Edited by Debb on Tuesday 15th of June 2021 03:11:34 PM
-- Edited by Debb on Tuesday 15th of June 2021 03:11:59 PM
Welcome to this group.
The strange thing about marriage is that it brings up a lot of issues for people
John Gottman has been discussing that lately. A couple need a lot of different tools to through those
Negotiation skills were not my forte in a relationship. I have a anxious attachment issues
I am so glad you are here and seeking support
Maresie