Well, we made it nearly 2 months and now he has relapsed. I'm so exhausted from these ongoing highs and lows...sober 2 months/relapse/sober 2 weeks/relapse on and on. My kids are devastated that he is drinking again, especially my oldest. And I die inside a little more every time we go through this. He's so different and wonderful when he's sober...the person I fell in love with, even though he was drinking back then. Now he's just this angry belligerent lunatic creating chaos at every turn. It's going to kill him eventually.
My heart is breaking. :( Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Cranberry
PosiesandPuppies said
Jun 13, 2021
((((cranberry))))
I have been in that place. It is exhausting. My health suffered. Al-Anon helped me through the tough times, and helped me realize that I couldn't stay on that merry-go-round. This site in particular helped me to be strong, and to put myself and my kid first. I am so sorry for what brings you here. Many here know how you feel. You are not alone.
Bettertomorrow said
Jun 13, 2021
I am so sorry you are going through this cranberry.
I think this is one of the cruellest facets of this disease, when we are given glimpses of what used to be and then it is cruelly snatched away again.
Although my AH has never entered recovery, there have been times when we saw the person we used to know. I do clearly remember him telling us all that he was an alcoholic and was going to get help. The children in particular were hopeful.
Here we are some 5 years later and the disease has just progressed. We cope by not living together physically. I just couldnt cope with the constant chaos and the emotional turmoil it inflicted on the children and me. The not knowing what he was going to be like from one day to the next was soul destroying and I had to put us first.
Now, with the help of this programme, we just acknowledge he is ill and say to him he is welcome when he is in recovery and fully working his own programme. That has not yet happened and we know it may never will and so we dont let it be the focus of our Ives and instead focus on ourselves.
I think it may have been easier for me as over the years all the lies and behaviours killed what romantic love I had for him and now I am just compassionate.
However as PNP said you are most certainly not alone. I hope you and your children find some peace today. BT
JerryF said
Jun 13, 2021
Part of the description of this disease when I first started learning about it and resisting and fighting and screaming that it continued to beat me and the family up was that it was cunning powerful and baffling. A part of the baffling was that my alcoholic/addict wife was also in her own way trying to fight it. It got worse and worse and I came upon the description that it was progressive and the relapses and hospitalizations came and I learned ours is a fatal disease. Since I was drinking according to the description myself I knew first had that I would not beat it; I would have to arrest it totally which also is/was in the description of the disease.
I am sad that we are going thru this continually and now including you and your alcoholic and family.
The miracle we see and have is to watch and experience the alcoholic and alcoholic family recover and go on to enjoy the same recoveries we read and hear about from those who come back and say Al-Anon and AA work when we work it and the literature and meetings are powerful tools to regain our peace of mind and serenity and health.
You are part of our family Cranberry. Keep coming back and doing what you have done from your first meeting. When it works for you...pass it on to the next needy family member. ((((hugs))))
Debb said
Jun 13, 2021
{{Cranberry}} So sorry you and your family are sad and worried.
It is times like this that Al-Anon reminds us all to "Let Go and Let God".
mamalioness said
Jun 13, 2021
Dear cranberry. I like what Debbie said to you. All we can do is take care of ourselves and work our program. I am a twice divorce because of the alcohol. I just couldnt deal with it. But I do have a very close relationship with my brother who is an alcoholic and who does not want to get back into AA. So I had to and I have to keep reminding myself to let go and let God because if he does not want to help himself, nobody on earth is going to be able to help him and it is sad because he has so many people who care about him because he is a good person and he is kind and he is honest but he is an alcoholic and every day when the phone rings in it looks like its a Massachusetts number, I feel a skip in my heart, thanking oh goodness!! is this that dreaded call where they found his body because he will go MIA when he is not working and go off in his SUV and just drink and drink and drink until he gets sick and then he will go back to his place where he lives and recover for about two days and then hell go to work and still drink every day but very little its really weird how he does it he drinks at least one big vodka and orange juice every day but then he has those periods where he just has to go on a binge and stay that way. Its heartbreaking and Im sorry that youre going through this because until they stop doing what theyre doing they are just poisoning themselves and its really heartbreaking for the ones who love them but cant do anything about it. Please keep coming back and work this program for yourself. You cant help him but you can help yourself. I hope you keep coming back. I encourage you to get to the meetings and get somebody to work with you on the 12 steps and just focus on you and let go and let God as far as Your alcoholic goes
Maresie888 said
Jun 15, 2021
Cranberry
Welcome to this group.
I am so glad you are reaching out for support.
I am surely aware of what it is to live around the chaos brought on by alcoholism .
I am glad you have s program. I know when I first came into these rooms I was around alcoholism and major chaos. This group was like a rock for me daily in learning how to detach
Thank you for joining us. We look.forward to knowing you better.
Well, we made it nearly 2 months and now he has relapsed. I'm so exhausted from these ongoing highs and lows...sober 2 months/relapse/sober 2 weeks/relapse on and on. My kids are devastated that he is drinking again, especially my oldest. And I die inside a little more every time we go through this. He's so different and wonderful when he's sober...the person I fell in love with, even though he was drinking back then. Now he's just this angry belligerent lunatic creating chaos at every turn. It's going to kill him eventually.
My heart is breaking. :( Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Cranberry
I have been in that place. It is exhausting. My health suffered. Al-Anon helped me through the tough times, and helped me realize that I couldn't stay on that merry-go-round. This site in particular helped me to be strong, and to put myself and my kid first. I am so sorry for what brings you here. Many here know how you feel. You are not alone.
Part of the description of this disease when I first started learning about it and resisting and fighting and screaming that it continued to beat me and the family up was that it was cunning powerful and baffling. A part of the baffling was that my alcoholic/addict wife was also in her own way trying to fight it. It got worse and worse and I came upon the description that it was progressive and the relapses and hospitalizations came and I learned ours is a fatal disease. Since I was drinking according to the description myself I knew first had that I would not beat it; I would have to arrest it totally which also is/was in the description of the disease.
I am sad that we are going thru this continually and now including you and your alcoholic and family.
The miracle we see and have is to watch and experience the alcoholic and alcoholic family recover and go on to enjoy the same recoveries we read and hear about from those who come back and say Al-Anon and AA work when we work it and the literature and meetings are powerful tools to regain our peace of mind and serenity and health.
You are part of our family Cranberry. Keep coming back and doing what you have done from your first meeting. When it works for you...pass it on to the next needy family member. ((((hugs))))
It is times like this that Al-Anon reminds us all to "Let Go and Let God".
Cranberry
Welcome to this group.
I am so glad you are reaching out for support.
I am surely aware of what it is to live around the chaos brought on by alcoholism .
I am glad you have s program. I know when I first came into these rooms I was around alcoholism and major chaos. This group was like a rock for me daily in learning how to detach
Thank you for joining us. We look.forward to knowing you better.
Maresie