Todays reading suggests that if we want to correct a bad habit, daily practice of a good replacement is what Al-Anon helps us strive for.
It is also suggested that, "we learn we cannot go on functioning as we have been, impulsively and automatically, if we hope to improve our lives."
The reading goes on to say that if we "want peace of mind", we must realize that it "does not depend on conditions outside us". Honestly looking
at our motives can reveal what we resent and fear. Figuring out what causes our distress and frustration can help us determine those bad habits
that we need to replace.
Todays Reminder:
"A program of self-recognition and self-change reads easy and does hard." "Many failures come from trying to do too much too fast -- and from
expecting results overnight." "I will search out just one fault, one bad habit, and work to eliminate that." "As I observe the changes this effort
brings about in my outside circumstances, I will find the courage to keep on changing myself for the better".
Quote:
"It is no easy thing for a principle to become a man's own unless each day he maintain it and work it out in his life". (Epictetus)
ESH:
I found that working Step 7 helped me tremendously with finding what fears drive my bad habits. The following is what I wrote:
How did I find inability to ask God to remove my shortcomings? Hard to admit one has shortcomings, but once I realized that the
difficult times were made all the more difficult because of my pride ... it is now easier to look within myself and ask HP for help.
How has the pain caused by my shortcomings brought me the ability I need to ask for help? Realizing no one is an island and
everyone needs help at various times in their lives and holding on to my ego, pride and fear only holds me back from growing
and accepting that this is my life with all it's shortcomings, if I am going to make it a success I have to take responsibility for
the parts of me that need to change.
What obstacles have I faced in working step seven? I still have work to do with building my confidence, which is the force behind
my fears.
What helps me to hold habit in check and recognize an opportunity for personal growth? The realization that if I am to make a
success of my life, that I will have to face those fears of failure, loss and mistakes and rely on HP that he has greater plans for
me to grow and prosper.
I hope I have helped!!!
Wishing the MIP family a wonderful day!!
Lyne said
Jun 3, 2021
Thanks Debb for your service, and for all the wonderful ESH above. I had forgotten that Betty had me do a step 4 a number of times when I was not doing the complete set of Steps. And that was so helpful. I also remembered that before I entered program, I was seeing a therapist who happened to have addiction training. When he used to tell me I had a "choice" about my feelings, I did not understand this until I started program. Since then, many mysteries have been revealed to me! If I don't let myself see what's broken, I cannot fix it. I also can use my attitude in a positive way, to help me get unstuck from negativity. Lots of lessons are here to learn.....
Daffodils said
Jun 3, 2021
Good Day Everyone. Thank you Debb for your service and ESH of the shares. It's been an exhausting week and I was left wondering how the heck I got back on the rollercoaster. The last few days I read posts with an intense desire for a solution . Some posts "haunted" me and I was left paralyzed. Fearing I would do something rash, I challenged myself to sit in my feelings . A helpful post posed questions about examining the root of current resentments. Another forced me to review purpose of working AlAnon steps. The best was... do nothing...and then get physical...Anyways, snippets here and there somehow merged and I realized my current funk is rooted in the awareness that my behaviours do not always support my values. It's not a contest of wills or miscommunication or the dreaded "disease in action". When I get into chaos, my values get smothered. When I focus on being true to myself, I don't trample on what's right for me or someone else. Thanks everyone for sharing your wisdom. Some days what doesn't seem relevant turns out to be the healing balm. I am so grateful that the tools and steps keep hope alive. Have a great day.
SunnyFrogs said
Jun 3, 2021
Good afternoon.
"Todays reading suggests that if we want to correct a bad habit, daily practice of a good replacement is what Al-Anon helps us strive for"
Tbh sometimes it feels a bit eerie to come here and read what I need at the time. I'm not sure how that happens but it does.
Coincidentally, yesterday I began saying "I'm not having this conversation right now"(in a polite way though) and then walking away. If there's something I don't want to discuss because I know it's gonna lead to upset or an argument,I want that response to become a habit instead of allowing myself to be pulled in.
It actually worked while at home with AH. I got to practice saying it at least 4 different times.
It didn't, however,work while in the car and on the road together though. So when it didn't work and he continued talking,I allowed him to and then said " I have my own personal thoughts and opinions that differ from yours so let's just agree to disagree' and then I said nothing else about it. I got to practice that a few times within a couple of hours.
I read somewhere that it takes like 10 days to create a new habit. I don't know if that's true or not but I guess I will find out.
I've been asking my HP to help me with this and I do feel it's do-able with practice and help.
Have a great day everyone.
Debb said
Jun 3, 2021
Thank you TT and Lyne for your ESH and to Daffodils and SunnyFrogs you are both doing great
and I commend you both for all that have accomplished for yourselves!!!
DavidG said
Jun 3, 2021
Debb, and y'all...
I realised a wee while ago that most of the readings went in one ear and out the other.
My home group now reads from all three readers. My previous group did not allow me to read from Hope for Today.
Because one person reckoned that it was not conference approved!
But our current group round here is flexible. Like if we get a newcomer- we all do a step one- to encourage sharing.
I always had diaries- but there are massive gaps in them- where I said nothing.
Here at MIP Alanon we have readings here every day- and we get to write out responses, just like this one! ...
So stuff starts to filter into the crowded mind!
I love the 3 "A"s... awareness, acceptance and action. So I can spend 6 or 8 weeks, just reflecting on those words..
At the moment I am still focussing on JADE. Not fully kosher for Alanon, but Hey! It is progress, not perfection.
Not sure what topic is whirling around here in my share- but as least I am here, and trying to make sense of this world.
Thanks...
Debb said
Jun 3, 2021
Many thanks DavidG for your thoughts!!
Iamhere said
Jun 3, 2021
Thank you Debb for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I started my day volunteering at the golf course. For the first time, nobody showed up to relieve me. We all typically arrive 10-15 minutes early to share any need to know info, and transition. Well....I started getting antsy about 15 minutes out and forced myself to wait until 'shift end' to actually inquire.
Trust me when I say that 'this' was truly forced. I had that intuition nudging me that nobody was coming, and a part of me was a bit anxious/frustrated about it. Well....I truly had to accept that it's not the end of the world that I was stuck at a place I enjoy for an addition 30-40 minutes. It is moments like this where I truly see my growth and progress.
It's been a taxing week for me. I know that and those I share with know that. Yet, this person who does what I do - volunteers at the golf course does not know that and certainly did not forget to show up to harm/annoy me. It is these 'changes' in real life that help me understand the value of this program - in all my affairs.
I did not understand choices either when I arrived. In my way of thinking (a bit insane and warped), I had a variety of duties/roles by virtue of being a wife, friend, daughter, employee, etc. It had never crossed my mind that my way might vary from another person's nor did I realize how much pressure I placed on doing these 'roles' 'perfectly' or 'my best'. As I reflect on who I was and what motivated me, it makes me sad at times simply because I set myself up (nobody else did) over and over and over again to feel unsuccessful or like a failure.
I know for me today that just working to be authentic to myself and in all my affairs gives me the most peace and genuine joy. I mention the pause often simply because it's been the best/easiest tool for me to stop myself from leaving my hula-hoop. Time and time and time again, that pause has helped me keep myself in check with the ultimate reward of my own serenity/joy. It is in working these steps that self-discovery has shown me that my way certainly wasn't the best way and resulted in me getting to 'here' - recovery.
I'm exhausted - worked longer than planned today and golfed twice yesterday. It's a good tired though - a physical tired vs. an emotional tired. We are still finding our way with our recent loss and I am humbly staying in my place being of service when/as asked. Make it a great Thursday all!
mamalioness said
Jun 3, 2021
Thank you Debbie for your service
My thing has always been control and fighting stuff I dont like. Today I learned something new about myself in that everything I attempted seemed to be snake bitten
So I just did like what water does--I did not bang my head against these obstacles and brick walls, I just went around or over or under, I gave all these stupid things non-resistance. And though they were one thing after another and seemingly nonstop, I did not fight them--and in the end I realized I may not be able to stop stupid irritations but I can stop being stressed out by it by just not fighting it. There will be days like this and I think I am finally learning to just give it non-resistance and cast the burden onto my higher power. And I kept telling myself this is temporary, this too shall pass
Todays reading suggests that if we want to correct a bad habit, daily practice of a good replacement is what Al-Anon helps us strive for.
It is also suggested that, "we learn we cannot go on functioning as we have been, impulsively and automatically, if we hope to improve our lives."
The reading goes on to say that if we "want peace of mind", we must realize that it "does not depend on conditions outside us". Honestly looking
at our motives can reveal what we resent and fear. Figuring out what causes our distress and frustration can help us determine those bad habits
that we need to replace.
Todays Reminder:
"A program of self-recognition and self-change reads easy and does hard." "Many failures come from trying to do too much too fast -- and from
expecting results overnight." "I will search out just one fault, one bad habit, and work to eliminate that." "As I observe the changes this effort
brings about in my outside circumstances, I will find the courage to keep on changing myself for the better".
Quote:
"It is no easy thing for a principle to become a man's own unless each day he maintain it and work it out in his life". (Epictetus)
ESH:
I found that working Step 7 helped me tremendously with finding what fears drive my bad habits. The following is what I wrote:
How did I find inability to ask God to remove my shortcomings? Hard to admit one has shortcomings, but once I realized that the
difficult times were made all the more difficult because of my pride ... it is now easier to look within myself and ask HP for help.
How has the pain caused by my shortcomings brought me the ability I need to ask for help? Realizing no one is an island and
everyone needs help at various times in their lives and holding on to my ego, pride and fear only holds me back from growing
and accepting that this is my life with all it's shortcomings, if I am going to make it a success I have to take responsibility for
the parts of me that need to change.
What obstacles have I faced in working step seven? I still have work to do with building my confidence, which is the force behind
my fears.
What helps me to hold habit in check and recognize an opportunity for personal growth? The realization that if I am to make a
success of my life, that I will have to face those fears of failure, loss and mistakes and rely on HP that he has greater plans for
me to grow and prosper.
I hope I have helped!!!
Wishing the MIP family a wonderful day!!
"Todays reading suggests that if we want to correct a bad habit, daily practice of a good replacement is what Al-Anon helps us strive for"
Tbh sometimes it feels a bit eerie to come here and read what I need at the time. I'm not sure how that happens but it does.
Coincidentally, yesterday I began saying "I'm not having this conversation right now"(in a polite way though) and then walking away. If there's something I don't want to discuss because I know it's gonna lead to upset or an argument,I want that response to become a habit instead of allowing myself to be pulled in.
It actually worked while at home with AH. I got to practice saying it at least 4 different times.
It didn't, however,work while in the car and on the road together though. So when it didn't work and he continued talking,I allowed him to and then said " I have my own personal thoughts and opinions that differ from yours so let's just agree to disagree' and then I said nothing else about it. I got to practice that a few times within a couple of hours.
I read somewhere that it takes like 10 days to create a new habit. I don't know if that's true or not but I guess I will find out.
I've been asking my HP to help me with this and I do feel it's do-able with practice and help.
Have a great day everyone.
and I commend you both for all that have accomplished for yourselves!!!
I realised a wee while ago that most of the readings went in one ear and out the other.
My home group now reads from all three readers. My previous group did not allow me to read from Hope for Today.
Because one person reckoned that it was not conference approved!
But our current group round here is flexible. Like if we get a newcomer- we all do a step one- to encourage sharing.
I always had diaries- but there are massive gaps in them- where I said nothing.
Here at MIP Alanon we have readings here every day- and we get to write out responses, just like this one!
...
So stuff starts to filter into the crowded mind!
I love the 3 "A"s... awareness, acceptance and action. So I can spend 6 or 8 weeks, just reflecting on those words.
.
At the moment I am still focussing on JADE. Not fully kosher for Alanon, but Hey! It is progress, not perfection.
Not sure what topic is whirling around here in my share- but as least I am here, and trying to make sense of this world.
Thanks...
Trust me when I say that 'this' was truly forced. I had that intuition nudging me that nobody was coming, and a part of me was a bit anxious/frustrated about it. Well....I truly had to accept that it's not the end of the world that I was stuck at a place I enjoy for an addition 30-40 minutes. It is moments like this where I truly see my growth and progress.
It's been a taxing week for me. I know that and those I share with know that. Yet, this person who does what I do - volunteers at the golf course does not know that and certainly did not forget to show up to harm/annoy me. It is these 'changes' in real life that help me understand the value of this program - in all my affairs.
I did not understand choices either when I arrived. In my way of thinking (a bit insane and warped), I had a variety of duties/roles by virtue of being a wife, friend, daughter, employee, etc. It had never crossed my mind that my way might vary from another person's nor did I realize how much pressure I placed on doing these 'roles' 'perfectly' or 'my best'. As I reflect on who I was and what motivated me, it makes me sad at times simply because I set myself up (nobody else did) over and over and over again to feel unsuccessful or like a failure.
I know for me today that just working to be authentic to myself and in all my affairs gives me the most peace and genuine joy. I mention the pause often simply because it's been the best/easiest tool for me to stop myself from leaving my hula-hoop. Time and time and time again, that pause has helped me keep myself in check with the ultimate reward of my own serenity/joy. It is in working these steps that self-discovery has shown me that my way certainly wasn't the best way and resulted in me getting to 'here' - recovery.
I'm exhausted - worked longer than planned today and golfed twice yesterday. It's a good tired though - a physical tired vs. an emotional tired. We are still finding our way with our recent loss and I am humbly staying in my place being of service when/as asked. Make it a great Thursday all!
My thing has always been control and fighting stuff I dont like. Today I learned something new about myself in that everything I attempted seemed to be snake bitten
So I just did like what water does--I did not bang my head against these obstacles and brick walls, I just went around or over or under, I gave all these stupid things non-resistance. And though they were one thing after another and seemingly nonstop, I did not fight them--and in the end I realized I may not be able to stop stupid irritations but I can stop being stressed out by it by just not fighting it. There will be days like this and I think I am finally learning to just give it non-resistance and cast the burden onto my higher power. And I kept telling myself this is temporary, this too shall pass
IAH and Mamalioness you should be so proud!!