A bottle of wine at least every day by 10 pm anything can get her arguing
defensive, why is this happening to me stuff stuff falls, things break, bangs knee or breaks nail
i work very hard for you and you criticize me. Not ! Taking anything I say as being critical
she starts at 5 so how do I limit or slow or break the chain she never wishes to discuss but acknowledges she has a problem going on 7 year
DavidG said
May 18, 2021
Hi Stepaddy,
Family 101- is to continue loving the person- but not the problem.
The person is not the problem- drinking is... ...
Lyne said
May 19, 2021
Welcome stepaddy. Unfortunately there is no quick fix to find in alanon. Most of us have learned as much as it disappointed us, well let me speak for myself, the only person I can control and fix is me. I didnt think I needed fixing but discovered I had been hammered by alcoholism, and my A never did and never will do what I ask, insist on, threaten, etc. I learned to focus on myself, and as I got stronger and healthier, I was then able to make the decisions I needed to. We are now together 29 years and finally there is some progress with my A.
The only advice I can suggest is to give alanon a try. Everyone in this program knows some of what you are going through, and as we try to heal ourselves we can find strength, hope, and wisdom through our members.
Debb said
May 19, 2021
Welcome to MIP Stepaddy, glad you found us to share with.
We learn in Al-Anon to keep the focus on ourselves and not the alcoholic.
Suggest that you find a local group near you and some readers that we all use.
Again, glad you found us to share with and please keep coming back!!
stepdaddy - I too send a warm welcome to you. Glad you found MIP and glad that you shared. Your story sounds exactly like my mother and my father is the caretaker as she also has dementia. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, for which there is no cure. It's considered a family disease as almost everyone in the family/friend circle is affected.
Denial in both the drinker and the family is a huge element of the disease. If recovery is desired for either, there is hope and help! We (MIP) are a group of family/friends affected by the drinking in another. Most of us are members of Al-Anon, which has a super-sized, full of information website that may be of help to you. Living with an active drinker can be hell on earth and certainly too much for one person alone. We don't offer advice, just suggestions and share our own experience, strength and hope with each other.
I hope you keep coming back and I strongly suggest some reading around the website. You are not alone!!!
JerryF said
May 19, 2021
Aloha Stepaddy and welcome again to the MIP board from this victim of the disease also. My wifes were alcoholic,addicts as was my families on both sides and many of my friends and associates were also seriously affected some up to and including death. I also got that close while the exception being finally giving up the fight and entering the Al-Anon Family Groups.
So much of my change came from surrendering to those who have been helped by others in this program. I was taught much....soooo much by the others and my life changed. I have gone on to pass what I have learned to others allowing and helping them to find the recovery the program promises if we but allow ourselves to listen, learn, and practice what worked for others.
"for which there is no cure" was mentioned in the previous share which is true. Part of my journey included college and medical institution example. I did not originally believe while so often not listening until I also included listening with my eyes to those whose lives changed right before me.
My early sponsor convinced me that the definition for humility was listen, listen, listen and practice, practice, practice.
Those who helped me save my sanity and life are here on these pages. You can have what we have if you are willing.
A bottle of wine at least every day by 10 pm anything can get her arguing
defensive, why is this happening to me stuff stuff falls, things break, bangs knee or breaks nail
i work very hard for you and you criticize me. Not ! Taking anything I say as being critical
she starts at 5 so how do I limit or slow or break the chain she never wishes to discuss but acknowledges she has a problem going on 7 year
Hi Stepaddy,
Family 101- is to continue loving the person- but not the problem.
The person is not the problem- drinking is...
...
The only advice I can suggest is to give alanon a try. Everyone in this program knows some of what you are going through, and as we try to heal ourselves we can find strength, hope, and wisdom through our members.
We learn in Al-Anon to keep the focus on ourselves and not the alcoholic.
Suggest that you find a local group near you and some readers that we all use.
Again, glad you found us to share with and please keep coming back!!
al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/
al-anon.org/for-members/members-resources/literature/feature-publications/
Denial in both the drinker and the family is a huge element of the disease. If recovery is desired for either, there is hope and help! We (MIP) are a group of family/friends affected by the drinking in another. Most of us are members of Al-Anon, which has a super-sized, full of information website that may be of help to you. Living with an active drinker can be hell on earth and certainly too much for one person alone. We don't offer advice, just suggestions and share our own experience, strength and hope with each other.
I hope you keep coming back and I strongly suggest some reading around the website. You are not alone!!!
Aloha Stepaddy and welcome again to the MIP board from this victim of the disease also. My wifes were alcoholic,addicts as was my families on both sides and many of my friends and associates were also seriously affected some up to and including death. I also got that close while the exception being finally giving up the fight and entering the Al-Anon Family Groups.
So much of my change came from surrendering to those who have been helped by others in this program. I was taught much....soooo much by the others and my life changed. I have gone on to pass what I have learned to others allowing and helping them to find the recovery the program promises if we but allow ourselves to listen, learn, and practice what worked for others.
"for which there is no cure" was mentioned in the previous share which is true. Part of my journey included college and medical institution example. I did not originally believe while so often not listening until I also included listening with my eyes to those whose lives changed right before me.
My early sponsor convinced me that the definition for humility was listen, listen, listen and practice, practice, practice.
Those who helped me save my sanity and life are here on these pages. You can have what we have if you are willing.
Keep coming back, this works when you work it.
