At one time I went to.12 step meetings several times per day.
One speaker stated that 70% of persons who go to 12 step meetings never do a 4th step
For me the 4th step was indeed daunting. I did not want to.disclose how angry resentful and grief stricken I was. For the past few months I have been in a grief course and have noted that many of my symptoms were related to grief. Getting to the point of some relief over that grief has helped immensely. Going to any lengths for my recovery meant putting a lot of time in studying
The other issue is being an essential worker in these trying t ik me has been very difficult. Normally there are a few barriers out there to cushion some issues. Having to go out there day in day out and show up for work has been difficult. However out of every difficulty comes great growth. Being able to stick it out being independent, self reliant has been so key. Then there is the issue of being willing to look at myself and all my.shkry comings. Getting accurate feedback from other people has been very helpful
In much of the literature on the 5th step it states that after the 5th step all relationships change .
That has certainly been true for me of late. Every relationship I gave has changed. I no longer look to others to validate me. Therefore I am not so dependent and resentful of others.
I most certainly have to deal with difficult people (after all I am a essential worker and have to work every day. I am entirely self reliant. Working tends to bring with it some truly remarkable challenges. However those challenges truly donnotnoverwhelm me now. In fact their inspire to to reach new levels of recovery. Step 5 is indeed a turning point.
Step 5 meant that I stopped being dependent on others and could stand on my.own two feet and face whatever was coming rather than live in dread and fear.
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Sunday 16th of May 2021 10:09:49 PM
SunnyFrogs said
May 17, 2021
Thanks for sharing your growth and progress. It's good to read positive outcomes from working this program.
You and I have talked privately about grief. I had said nah,that's not something I struggle with. I honestly didn't think it was because I was only associating grief with losing a loved one. Sure,I lost my Dad but it's not been something that has overtaken my life.
I was surprised when a couple of months ago my therapist said I am grieving. It has taken me this long to absorb his words and realize he's probably right.
I didn't realize before that grief doesn't mean just death. It can be any major loss or regret. Even dealing with an A can cause grief from the loss of what life used to be.
And now I need to learn how to allow myself to grieve.
Debb said
May 17, 2021
Thank you as well for sharing Maresie, it is so good to see that you are doing well!!
I took a look at my early Step 5 work (six years ago) and am sharing it as well with you.
How has step five helped me understand the exact nature of my wrong? Through this journey, I had to
face that my fears and lack of confidence made me difficult to get along with, because I was always
afraid for myself. What a poor personality quality that was. I knew it wasn't right!! I am so glad that I
was able to put my finger on it, with the help of Al-Anon and work it out.
How does accepting my humanness release me from guilt and shame? Understanding that the fear, resentment
and lack of confidence that I developed from AH's verbal abuse was holding me back from being a compassionate
human being with others and myself. Understanding the effect that 13 years of feeling sorry and hurt had such a
negative affect on my personality and how all that chaos created a person that was so self conscious and not
human was an epiphany! I am much more relaxed and now cope much better with AH and his verbal abuse, I do
not take any of it personally any more, I just walk away and the next day tell him he owes me an apology. I have
had much more confidence in myself, that if it all falls apart, it is not the end of the world. HP saw fit that the
lessons that I had to learn would make a better person of me and He was absolutely correct!!
Thank you for the topic!!
Daffodils said
May 17, 2021
Thank you Maresie for this topic. After reading it, I spent a good hour scoffing over 70% of people completing it...wondering how this can be proved if this is an anonymous program. Then it dawned on me, one of my specialties is changing focus from the key message. I have been dragging my feet on step 4 because I dread the idea of step 5. When I see me on paper, I sure look different from my mind's eye. I can handle sharing it with God, but another human being? Anyways, my sponsor has been pressing the point that step 4 is a demonstration of my commitment to this process. I will restart the work following directions (not my improved version). LOL And in concert with today's reading, I'll stay in today and not obsess about step 5. The shares above encourage me to do the work because it seems to have paid huge dividends . Thank you all.
Maresie888 said
May 17, 2021
Daffodils
I think the statistic was from treatment I should qualify that was in AA .
In fact many people get sober on step one
The issue is do we want our lives to change. I have recently had to look at trauma bonding. I certainly bonded with the qualifier over hurt, not feeling confident, feeling less than. feeling lost and most of all lonely. I was incredibly lonely because of course I did not have myself
I have had to address what brought me into the program. It was not by chance that I met and then stayed with an alcoholic addict for years
Daffodils said
May 18, 2021
Thank you Maresie for your kindness. Your valuable information/shares propel me to get into action and do the work on myself.
DavidG said
May 18, 2021
Thanks Maresie.
I had this person staring and glaring at me- and quoted the akronym N.U.T.S.
Not Using The Steps. But this person was gaslighting me, badly. And letting
themselves down on their journey. Today I believe that The Steps should be gentle
for us. Easy to do and to carry out.
Today, day by day, I demonstrate the fruits of my own recovery as best we can.
And also demonstrate how I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and begin again. ...
[That last line, more or less, sums up the 12 Steps, for me. ...]
Daffodils said
May 19, 2021
Thank you TT for insight that sharing with another validates I'm not alone, wasn't abandoned or terminally unique. As I work on Step 4, I can see how fear has controlled me. My resistance to be open is fear of being vulnerable and judged. I also see that others have suffered way more trauma than I-hanging on to the hurts justified my self pity and resistance to change What was then, is not now. No words can convey my gratitude for HP placing members of this board, AlAnon in my life. I feel excited about life; like a kid when I got my shiny new bike! Have a fantastic day.
At one time I went to.12 step meetings several times per day.
One speaker stated that 70% of persons who go to 12 step meetings never do a 4th step
For me the 4th step was indeed daunting. I did not want to.disclose how angry resentful and grief stricken I was. For the past few months I have been in a grief course and have noted that many of my symptoms were related to grief. Getting to the point of some relief over that grief has helped immensely. Going to any lengths for my recovery meant putting a lot of time in studying
The other issue is being an essential worker in these trying t ik me has been very difficult. Normally there are a few barriers out there to cushion some issues. Having to go out there day in day out and show up for work has been difficult. However out of every difficulty comes great growth. Being able to stick it out being independent, self reliant has been so key. Then there is the issue of being willing to look at myself and all my.shkry comings. Getting accurate feedback from other people has been very helpful
In much of the literature on the 5th step it states that after the 5th step all relationships change .
That has certainly been true for me of late. Every relationship I gave has changed. I no longer look to others to validate me. Therefore I am not so dependent and resentful of others.
I most certainly have to deal with difficult people (after all I am a essential worker and have to work every day. I am entirely self reliant. Working tends to bring with it some truly remarkable challenges. However those challenges truly donnotnoverwhelm me now. In fact their inspire to to reach new levels of recovery. Step 5 is indeed a turning point.
Step 5 meant that I stopped being dependent on others and could stand on my.own two feet and face whatever was coming rather than live in dread and fear.
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Sunday 16th of May 2021 10:09:49 PM
You and I have talked privately about grief. I had said nah,that's not something I struggle with. I honestly didn't think it was because I was only associating grief with losing a loved one. Sure,I lost my Dad but it's not been something that has overtaken my life.
I was surprised when a couple of months ago my therapist said I am grieving. It has taken me this long to absorb his words and realize he's probably right.
I didn't realize before that grief doesn't mean just death. It can be any major loss or regret. Even dealing with an A can cause grief from the loss of what life used to be.
And now I need to learn how to allow myself to grieve.
I took a look at my early Step 5 work (six years ago) and am sharing it as well with you.
How has step five helped me understand the exact nature of my wrong? Through this journey, I had to
face that my fears and lack of confidence made me difficult to get along with, because I was always
afraid for myself. What a poor personality quality that was. I knew it wasn't right!! I am so glad that I
was able to put my finger on it, with the help of Al-Anon and work it out.
How does accepting my humanness release me from guilt and shame? Understanding that the fear, resentment
and lack of confidence that I developed from AH's verbal abuse was holding me back from being a compassionate
human being with others and myself. Understanding the effect that 13 years of feeling sorry and hurt had such a
negative affect on my personality and how all that chaos created a person that was so self conscious and not
human was an epiphany! I am much more relaxed and now cope much better with AH and his verbal abuse, I do
not take any of it personally any more, I just walk away and the next day tell him he owes me an apology. I have
had much more confidence in myself, that if it all falls apart, it is not the end of the world. HP saw fit that the
lessons that I had to learn would make a better person of me and He was absolutely correct!!
Thank you for the topic!!
Daffodils
I think the statistic was from treatment I should qualify that was in AA .
In fact many people get sober on step one
The issue is do we want our lives to change. I have recently had to look at trauma bonding. I certainly bonded with the qualifier over hurt, not feeling confident, feeling less than. feeling lost and most of all lonely. I was incredibly lonely because of course I did not have myself
I have had to address what brought me into the program. It was not by chance that I met and then stayed with an alcoholic addict for years
Thanks Maresie.
I had this person staring and glaring at me- and quoted the akronym N.U.T.S.
Not Using The Steps. But this person was gaslighting me, badly. And letting
themselves down on their journey. Today I believe that The Steps should be gentle
for us. Easy to do and to carry out.
Today, day by day, I demonstrate the fruits of my own recovery as best we can.
And also demonstrate how I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and begin again.
...
[That last line, more or less, sums up the 12 Steps, for me.
...]