Todays reading asks and answers the question why have we all come to Al-Anon for help. It suggests that as spouses/friends/children
of an alcoholic we want reassurance that in our "torn down" state of mind we need reassurance that we are not the cause of the drinking.
Our self-esteem has been damaged and we really need to be "somebody."
The reading also suggests that we do not seek approval and praise but that we want "inner confidence" that we are "worthy of respect."
Todays reminder:
"The restoration of self-esteem is one of Al-Anons prime functions. It doesn't encourage a big ego view of ourselves, but in helping us
to see ourselves as we really are, we learn to sort out our good qualities, and on that foundation to build stronger, better personalities."
Quote:
"I am grateful for what Al-Anon is doing for me. I am relieved to know that I can have a better picture of myself than I came in with,
and that I must respect and like myself as a person before I can begin to grow."
My ESH:
Al-Anon is an amazing program!! I not only learned to respect myself by honestly working this program, but I learned to respect the
alcoholic in my life, no matter what they do. I never could have imagined that this was possible we I remember my state of mind
when I first arrived on the doorstep of Al-Anon and MIP. The program works when you work it and just love that everyone can work
the program at their own pace and take what they need as they progress.
Very grateful to Al-Anon, the MIP family and my HP.
Lyne said
May 13, 2021
Thank you for your service and ESH Debb. Program has helped me with my self-esteem which was severely damaged in my childhood, and then the damaged continued with many A's.
Betty especially helped with the overhaul and repair of how I saw myself, but all the parts of alanon get credit. I've come to love and respect myself, and not to depend on others for that. With my A I'm still working on the respect part, but our marriage is definitely going through a bit of a positive growth spurt. I'm grateful for that.
Daffodils said
May 13, 2021
Good Morning Debb . Thank you for your service and ESH from you and Lyne. I came to AlAnon because in a moment of grace, I chose life. After reaching out to many support options, the ESH of members gave me confidence to get honest and the process involved seemed doable. I could admit my faults, learn about the disease, feel safe to share about a range of feelings from anger, frustration, self pity, to suicide ideation without fearing I'd be locked up or shunned. Needless to say, I have had growth spurts and have learned that this new way of life (AlAnon style), is the greatest gift I have ever received. It helps me clean up issues from childhood to present day. It has given me an awesome relationship with my Higer Power and that is all I really need. Have a great day.
JerryF said
May 13, 2021
Daffodils!! I am so blessed to get my "stuff" back this morning and then get your "stuff" to read along with remembering "how it works" which I also learned coming into program long ago. I remember clearly and happily the process I learned by listening, listening, listening and then practicing, practicing, practicing over and over. It was for, me in learning to do what worked for others, rather than trying to re-invent my square wheel and leaving the round one out of reach. I read your post and can hear my former sponsors voice with the lessons of "duplicate"...meaning "duplicate" what works for others and humbly practice it yourself.
He then gave me the definition of "humbly" which I hold close to heart again after the read. "Humbly...Being teachable". Thank you HP...Thank you Don.T...Thank you Daffodils. (((hugs))).
Daffodils said
May 13, 2021
Thank you Jerry. I will keep an open mind (and heart as my sponsor says)
SunnyFrogs said
May 13, 2021
Good afternoon. Appreciate all the shares here.
My self esteem has greatly improved but I definitely need to keep working at it. Most days I do love myself,but then other days,like today,those old thoughts and memories come back to haunt me and it's hard to not succumb to them.
Nothing feels more miserable than beating yourself up inside just for existing(is it obvious my PTSD symptoms have been triggered?)
But, with the help of all of you and this program I know all of this will pass.
(Sorry for such a negative share)
Iamhere said
May 13, 2021
Happy Thursday MIP. Thank you Debb for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I had no idea what I truly wanted or needed when I got to Al-Anon other than a fix for my alcoholics. I truly was in denial about who I was, how I contributed, how insane/ill I'd become and that there was a way out.
Al-Anon, one day at a time, has given me freedom to be authentic, healthy and much more sane. I am content with improvement in who I am and how I am and had to learn to let go of trying to be perfect. All I know is when I slow things down, practice using what's suggested in this program, keep my focus on me, my days are greatly improved - significantly so - than when I arrived.
I can't honestly say I understand how my self-esteem and worth became so, so low. Most likely, the sum total of many past experiences. Yet, I do know now that I can honor myself, love myself and act with humility, grace and esteem and feel tons better. So, so many suggestions in this program have served me well -- and perhaps, for the first time that I'm aware of, I'm comfortable in my own skin -- most of the time.
I started my day golfing and am going out for 9 holes this evening. We are to have rain for the next few days so...with a beautiful sunshine filled day and a willing mind/body, why not? What a gift it is to spend my life/days doing what makes me happy vs. what I think I should be doing! Al-Anon has allowed me the freedom to just be me and enjoy what is... Do what makes you happy - it matters!!
Maresie888 said
May 13, 2021
Thank you so much for this topic
When I was in full flamboyant war with the qualifier having no self esteem was the norm
Then when the qualifier needed something he was expert at knowing how to build my self esteem
That is quite a talent to be able to tear someone down one moment and boost them the next
The issue was that I looked outside myself to boost my self esteem. I certainly have that issue. I still want valuation. However when I do not get it the whole the world no longer crashes.
I am of course often wondering how to manage my self esteem.
However today my self esteem is not in that orecariousbplace where I hand it over to other people to manage.
Maresie
I have had to
mamalioness said
May 14, 2021
Debbie thank you for your post in your service. I can relate to the respecting of self and the alcoholic, sadly my mother was already passed away when I got into the program and learned of all the good things about her that I just didnt see in my anger and bitterness but I do now and if she were alive and we were to talk things over, I would speak my truth but I would do it in a kind and loving way and tell her yes, youre drinking Impacted me in that you failed to protect me but I get it because she was escaping from him too and the only way she could was with alcohol but she was a good and honest and honorable person and I see myself as a good and honest an honorable person and I couldnt see that until I got into program and worked step four over and over and over
I have my moments where I get mad at me when I am not paying attention and I do not treat myself with respect at that, I get really angry when I cannot pay attention and I do something stupid and sabotage myself, yeah I get down on me pretty bad but I am slowly slowly and I mean slowly improving on that and I am more into positive self talk and telling myself and good job, you did good
Which before I didnt do.
SunnyFrogs said
May 14, 2021
SunnyFrogs wrote:
Good afternoon. Appreciate all the shares here.
My self esteem has greatly improved but I definitely need to keep working at it. Most days I do love myself,but then other days,like today,those old thoughts and memories come back to haunt me and it's hard to not succumb to them.
Nothing feels more miserable than beating yourself up inside just for existing(is it obvious my PTSD symptoms have been triggered?)
But, with the help of all of you and this program I know all of this will pass.
(Sorry for such a negative share)
Quoting myself 'cause today my symptoms have lessened and I'm glad I exist.
Todays reading asks and answers the question why have we all come to Al-Anon for help. It suggests that as spouses/friends/children
of an alcoholic we want reassurance that in our "torn down" state of mind we need reassurance that we are not the cause of the drinking.
Our self-esteem has been damaged and we really need to be "somebody."
The reading also suggests that we do not seek approval and praise but that we want "inner confidence" that we are "worthy of respect."
Todays reminder:
"The restoration of self-esteem is one of Al-Anons prime functions. It doesn't encourage a big ego view of ourselves, but in helping us
to see ourselves as we really are, we learn to sort out our good qualities, and on that foundation to build stronger, better personalities."
Quote:
"I am grateful for what Al-Anon is doing for me. I am relieved to know that I can have a better picture of myself than I came in with,
and that I must respect and like myself as a person before I can begin to grow."
My ESH:
Al-Anon is an amazing program!! I not only learned to respect myself by honestly working this program, but I learned to respect the
alcoholic in my life, no matter what they do. I never could have imagined that this was possible we I remember my state of mind
when I first arrived on the doorstep of Al-Anon and MIP. The program works when you work it and just love that everyone can work
the program at their own pace and take what they need as they progress.
Very grateful to Al-Anon, the MIP family and my HP.
Betty especially helped with the overhaul and repair of how I saw myself, but all the parts of alanon get credit. I've come to love and respect myself, and not to depend on others for that. With my A I'm still working on the respect part, but our marriage is definitely going through a bit of a positive growth spurt. I'm grateful for that.
Daffodils!! I am so blessed to get my "stuff" back this morning and then get your "stuff" to read along with remembering "how it works" which I also learned coming into program long ago. I remember clearly and happily the process I learned by listening, listening, listening and then practicing, practicing, practicing over and over. It was for, me in learning to do what worked for others, rather than trying to re-invent my square wheel and leaving the round one out of reach. I read your post and can hear my former sponsors voice with the lessons of "duplicate"...meaning "duplicate" what works for others and humbly practice it yourself.
He then gave me the definition of "humbly" which I hold close to heart again after the read. "Humbly...Being teachable". Thank you HP...Thank you Don.T...Thank you Daffodils. (((hugs))).
My self esteem has greatly improved but I definitely need to keep working at it. Most days I do love myself,but then other days,like today,those old thoughts and memories come back to haunt me and it's hard to not succumb to them.
Nothing feels more miserable than beating yourself up inside just for existing(is it obvious my PTSD symptoms have been triggered?)
But, with the help of all of you and this program I know all of this will pass.
(Sorry for such a negative share)
Al-Anon, one day at a time, has given me freedom to be authentic, healthy and much more sane. I am content with improvement in who I am and how I am and had to learn to let go of trying to be perfect. All I know is when I slow things down, practice using what's suggested in this program, keep my focus on me, my days are greatly improved - significantly so - than when I arrived.
I can't honestly say I understand how my self-esteem and worth became so, so low. Most likely, the sum total of many past experiences. Yet, I do know now that I can honor myself, love myself and act with humility, grace and esteem and feel tons better. So, so many suggestions in this program have served me well -- and perhaps, for the first time that I'm aware of, I'm comfortable in my own skin -- most of the time.
I started my day golfing and am going out for 9 holes this evening. We are to have rain for the next few days so...with a beautiful sunshine filled day and a willing mind/body, why not? What a gift it is to spend my life/days doing what makes me happy vs. what I think I should be doing! Al-Anon has allowed me the freedom to just be me and enjoy what is... Do what makes you happy - it matters!!
Thank you so much for this topic
When I was in full flamboyant war with the qualifier having no self esteem was the norm
Then when the qualifier needed something he was expert at knowing how to build my self esteem
That is quite a talent to be able to tear someone down one moment and boost them the next
The issue was that I looked outside myself to boost my self esteem. I certainly have that issue. I still want valuation. However when I do not get it the whole the world no longer crashes.
I am of course often wondering how to manage my self esteem.
However today my self esteem is not in that orecariousbplace where I hand it over to other people to manage.
Maresie
I have had to
I have my moments where I get mad at me when I am not paying attention and I do not treat myself with respect at that, I get really angry when I cannot pay attention and I do something stupid and sabotage myself, yeah I get down on me pretty bad but I am slowly slowly and I mean slowly improving on that and I am more into positive self talk and telling myself and good job, you did good
Which before I didnt do.
Quoting myself 'cause today my symptoms have lessened and I'm glad I exist.
Lol
Just felt like updating.