So my so called sober husband went to a party the other night and stayed over sleeping in our car as he was having a few. For a number of years now he had been saying he wasnt drinking at all. I always had my suspicions which has been proven true now.
Its like i dont know what to do with this. Ive been an alanon member for over 12 years and had made our home alcohol free. I cant control what he does away from me. He knows i cant be around drinking or drunk people.
Guess its up to me to do what I need to do - first things first. Think im beginning to mourn. Thinking of the promises, the lies, etc memories coming through.
Back to the first 3 steps again - I cant, He can so I will let Him.
Thank you for listening
Freetime said
May 3, 2021
Welcome, Hello! I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad that you came and shared the program tools you are using.
Even though we Al-Anons know the deal, the steps, the 3 C's, -- it still hurts to see the disease in action. I understand what you said about beginning to mourn. I too experienced this grief about what has been lost and fears for the future. Thankfully, I did not have to go through it alone.
Please feel free to come back here and share. Everyone here understands.
Debb said
May 3, 2021
Welcome {{Hello}} from me as well and also sorry for what brings you to the MIP forum.
You are right about returning to the Al-Anon steps, we all do that on a regular basis,
that is what Al-Anon does for us, it is always there to go back too for a refresher!!
I too would like to say that you are always welcome to talk with us anytime.
Bettertomorrow said
May 3, 2021
Welcome Hello and sorry that you are going through this again.
Unfortunately it's the nature of the disease that it is just waiting to rear its head again but it sounds like you have wonderful awareness of yourself.
I agree about the sadness and the mourning. Just because I logically know that I need to mourn the demise of my own marriage to AH, it doesn't necessarily make it any easier to let go of the dream and plans we once had. I just have to remind myself that the person I made those plans and dreams with is long gone. I also gently remind myself that the pre Alanon me is also long gone and even though things still feel tough, I do have some tools to make it better for myself, just as it sounds as though you have.
Hugs (())
a4l said
May 3, 2021
I guess the positive to Squares one through 12 are the corresponding steps to transcend them. I feel a deep sigh at the thought of having to skip back through squares but I know that when I still want something from someone with alcoholism those squares are a part and parcel of loving them-and that's ok. I accept that in this imperfect world, I will from time to time have to skip through the squares and climb the steps again. Sending lots of support your way. Keep coming back.
Maresie888 said
May 3, 2021
Welcome Hello
I don't believe I ever really go back to square 1. It is a new evolution of square 1. After all once you have program under your belt it is a new understanding of living. Disappointment is a big trigger for me. I get disappointed when I am waiting for some significant event. I really want to run the whole show
I am so glad you have made it this far. Knowing where to go is such a significant resource
For me the big issue in dealing with alcoholism is all my unmet needs. What do I do with them.
It is extremely painful to find out that I cannot get them met by the alcoholic
Maresie
Iamhere said
May 4, 2021
I too send a warm welcome to you. I'm also sorry for what brings you here. I am glad to hear that you're already an Al-Anon member and you're headed back to step one. I return to Step One often simply because a part of me can easily 'forget' how powerless I really, really am.
I hope you are gentle with you. I fully understand the mourning - it's part of the process. There's never any shame in putting ourselves first - which I can also forget to do. Please keep coming back, know that you are not alone and that there is always hope/help in recovery.
Lyne said
May 5, 2021
{{{Hello}}}. What struck me about your post is that yes, your situation is tragic, the same way mine has been for me. But since you are already in program, you are not a brand new beginner. That was such a hard part for me 8 yrs ago. I came to alanon to fix my A, and learned that I cannot. The steps and slogans and having a sponsor were things I didnt want. I was really lost and an emotional train wreck. So to hear you talking program you are not at square oneheck no. I see you as being ahead of the game.
Jen61 said
May 5, 2021
I am sorry you are going through all of this. All the lies have stayed with me. It is hard to trust.. Take care and welcome to MIP
Even though we Al-Anons know the deal, the steps, the 3 C's, -- it still hurts to see the disease in action. I understand what you said about beginning to mourn. I too experienced this grief about what has been lost and fears for the future. Thankfully, I did not have to go through it alone.
Please feel free to come back here and share. Everyone here understands.
You are right about returning to the Al-Anon steps, we all do that on a regular basis,
that is what Al-Anon does for us, it is always there to go back too for a refresher!!
I too would like to say that you are always welcome to talk with us anytime.
Welcome Hello and sorry that you are going through this again.
Unfortunately it's the nature of the disease that it is just waiting to rear its head again but it sounds like you have wonderful awareness of yourself.
I agree about the sadness and the mourning. Just because I logically know that I need to mourn the demise of my own marriage to AH, it doesn't necessarily make it any easier to let go of the dream and plans we once had. I just have to remind myself that the person I made those plans and dreams with is long gone. I also gently remind myself that the pre Alanon me is also long gone and even though things still feel tough, I do have some tools to make it better for myself, just as it sounds as though you have.
Hugs (())
I guess the positive to Squares one through 12 are the corresponding steps to transcend them. I feel a deep sigh at the thought of having to skip back through squares but I know that when I still want something from someone with alcoholism those squares are a part and parcel of loving them-and that's ok. I accept that in this imperfect world, I will from time to time have to skip through the squares and climb the steps again. Sending lots of support your way. Keep coming back.
Welcome Hello
I don't believe I ever really go back to square 1. It is a new evolution of square 1. After all once you have program under your belt it is a new understanding of living. Disappointment is a big trigger for me. I get disappointed when I am waiting for some significant event. I really want to run the whole show
I am so glad you have made it this far. Knowing where to go is such a significant resource
For me the big issue in dealing with alcoholism is all my unmet needs. What do I do with them.
It is extremely painful to find out that I cannot get them met by the alcoholic
Maresie
I hope you are gentle with you. I fully understand the mourning - it's part of the process. There's never any shame in putting ourselves first - which I can also forget to do. Please keep coming back, know that you are not alone and that there is always hope/help in recovery.