Good morning MIP & Happy Saturday to all. Today's reading is about the First Tradition of our program, "Personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity." Many of us, prior to recovery, experienced anxious moments at work or in family settings when it was decision time. We would worry about making 'everyone' happy as we sought the 'perfect' solution.
We learn in Al-Anon that 'our common welfare should come first' and practice expressing ourselves, listening to others and accepting the outcome that is decided which will benefit the greatest number, whether it's ours or not. As we grow, change and continue practicing our recovery in this program, we typically find most of the suggestions work well beyond the rooms - practicing as best we can in 'all our affairs'.
Reminder: Do I try to force my will on others in group situations, or am I learning to respect their rights as well as my own? I can feel secure in my opinions if I keep the group's best interest at heart.
Quote from The Twelve Steps and Traditions: "Unity presents not only the necessary climate for the growth of Al-Anon as a whole but also the atmosphere in which each member within the group may acquire peace of mind."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the youngest of four and the only gal in my family, I was the 'tag-along' kid. I spent most of my youth at sporting events, activities, etc. that my older brothers participated in. I enjoyed myself yet truly wanted to be on the field instead of running around the complexes. I don't regret my youth - I had a great time and because I was the fourth child, did not have a clue how to express my wants/needs/voice, so did what was expected - tagged along.
In my teen years, hormones flowing freely, and tons of friends who had different family dynamics led me to rebel. I still had no idea how to express myself and thus began the battle of my will vs. the world. From that point on, I became a right-fighter and truly wanted my way and honestly didn't care what others wanted or thought. After all, didn't I know best for all?
When I arrived at recovery, I had absolutely no idea on how to digest the suggestions offered. I had survived on self-will and ego for so, so long, I had no trust in what others suggested, experienced, felt, etc. What I learned is that working the program as suggested instead of 'my way' works. When I started, and tried to pick/choose what I wanted to do and what I wanted to skip, it did not work - my pain, obsessions, worry, anger, etc. still controlled me (the disease).
Surrendering to the God of my Understanding and embracing the concept that there's a larger plan of which I am a small part helped me let go of my will, my way over time with practice. I genuinely care what others need today and fundamentally understand that it's perfectly OK for each person to have a different path to a different destination. When I talk less, listen actively and stay focused on the greater good of the group, family, other, I keep learning, growing, changing.
Make it a great day MIP family - supposed to golf today ... we shall see! We had rain most of yesterday and chances of more this afternoon. Since I get to play most days, I'm leaving the decision up to my nephew and his friend. I certainly already have a Plan B, and am excited about either/both. (((Hugs)))
Debb said
Apr 17, 2021
{{IAH}} Lovely ESH, thank you for your service and today's reading.
I did not want anyone to hurt me with their decisions that may affect me,
therefore, I had to control many situations, if it involved me and my life.
There is no doubt that most of that characteristic was innate, but I think
that how I was raised and a lack of understanding of who I was had much
to do about exacerbating my distrust. I was hollered at a lot as a kid and
expected to take care of the house and my two brothers from a young age.
There were many conflicting signals, so I learned to only trust myself.
Al-Anon has helped me to recognize those unfounded fears and trust not
only those around me but also to rely on my HP that there was that "larger
plan" at work for me as well. Grateful Al-Anon/MIP member!!!
Freetime said
Apr 17, 2021
Good morning, IAH, and thank you for this share! Have I ever wanted to impose my will on others without regard for the unity or welfare of the larger group? Well, yes, even though I like to think of myself as a flexible and understanding person.
Recently a question came up in the business meeting of my home group, which is currently meeting on Zoom. One person brought up a motion that we should tell people not to use the chat feature while any member is sharing. When I first heard that motion, I was 100% in agreement. I feel that listening is such an important part of a meeting, and if we are chatting, we are not listening respectfully. My feeling was that people should "shut up and listen." That is how I behave in the meeting.
There was discussion, and someone brought up the point that if a newcomer is present, they might desperately need that contact through the chat -- someone sharing their phone number, someone offering a welcome and encouragement to them -- and they might not get that loving contact if we forbid chatting throughout most of the meeting. That changed my mind, and perhaps some others too. The group conscience came to a decision to request no chatting while the lead speaker is speaking, but that it would be OK at other times. This decision respects everyone in the group -- newcomers and old-timers, those who need to chat and those like me who prefer to shut up.
It was great to see Tradition One at work!
Lyne said
Apr 18, 2021
Thanks for your service IAH and for all the wisdom above. Its interesting that there is always more for me to learn and to improve within myself. I spent my life as a doormat and wasnt imposing my will upon anyone! I became an obsessive list-maker to try and control my little life because so many things around me were out of control.
Then with my current A of 29 years, when the excessive alcohol use blossomed around the 15th year, I tried to control everything! Life as I new it was out of balance and I could not stand it.
Throughout my work life I was part of many groups imposed upon me. I tried to keep a low profile and stay out of harms way. In the field of mental health, some of the folks in charge did not have such great mental health!
As I grow and gain health, I find I am able to speak up in my program groups, without imposing my will. My first sponsor had taught me the idea about always having a QTIPquit taking it personally. I think in general I just handle life better. Grateful member always.
mamalioness said
Apr 20, 2021
Dear IAH---that was a hell of a post! I could sure relate. What turns me on about this program so much is that it is a community where everybody matters where everybody counts and yeah I could relate to what you said about self will an ego and cherry picking what part of the program I work and what I kind of let by, I had to laugh when I saw that because I thought oh my god if that isnt me, I do not know what is. Thanks for your service and your lovely share
Good morning MIP & Happy Saturday to all. Today's reading is about the First Tradition of our program, "Personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity." Many of us, prior to recovery, experienced anxious moments at work or in family settings when it was decision time. We would worry about making 'everyone' happy as we sought the 'perfect' solution.
We learn in Al-Anon that 'our common welfare should come first' and practice expressing ourselves, listening to others and accepting the outcome that is decided which will benefit the greatest number, whether it's ours or not. As we grow, change and continue practicing our recovery in this program, we typically find most of the suggestions work well beyond the rooms - practicing as best we can in 'all our affairs'.
Reminder: Do I try to force my will on others in group situations, or am I learning to respect their rights as well as my own? I can feel secure in my opinions if I keep the group's best interest at heart.
Quote from The Twelve Steps and Traditions: "Unity presents not only the necessary climate for the growth of Al-Anon as a whole but also the atmosphere in which each member within the group may acquire peace of mind."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the youngest of four and the only gal in my family, I was the 'tag-along' kid. I spent most of my youth at sporting events, activities, etc. that my older brothers participated in. I enjoyed myself yet truly wanted to be on the field instead of running around the complexes. I don't regret my youth - I had a great time and because I was the fourth child, did not have a clue how to express my wants/needs/voice, so did what was expected - tagged along.
In my teen years, hormones flowing freely, and tons of friends who had different family dynamics led me to rebel. I still had no idea how to express myself and thus began the battle of my will vs. the world. From that point on, I became a right-fighter and truly wanted my way and honestly didn't care what others wanted or thought. After all, didn't I know best for all?
When I arrived at recovery, I had absolutely no idea on how to digest the suggestions offered. I had survived on self-will and ego for so, so long, I had no trust in what others suggested, experienced, felt, etc. What I learned is that working the program as suggested instead of 'my way' works. When I started, and tried to pick/choose what I wanted to do and what I wanted to skip, it did not work - my pain, obsessions, worry, anger, etc. still controlled me (the disease).
Surrendering to the God of my Understanding and embracing the concept that there's a larger plan of which I am a small part helped me let go of my will, my way over time with practice. I genuinely care what others need today and fundamentally understand that it's perfectly OK for each person to have a different path to a different destination. When I talk less, listen actively and stay focused on the greater good of the group, family, other, I keep learning, growing, changing.
Make it a great day MIP family - supposed to golf today ... we shall see! We had rain most of yesterday and chances of more this afternoon. Since I get to play most days, I'm leaving the decision up to my nephew and his friend. I certainly already have a Plan B, and am excited about either/both. (((Hugs)))
I did not want anyone to hurt me with their decisions that may affect me,
therefore, I had to control many situations, if it involved me and my life.
There is no doubt that most of that characteristic was innate, but I think
that how I was raised and a lack of understanding of who I was had much
to do about exacerbating my distrust. I was hollered at a lot as a kid and
expected to take care of the house and my two brothers from a young age.
There were many conflicting signals, so I learned to only trust myself.
Al-Anon has helped me to recognize those unfounded fears and trust not
only those around me but also to rely on my HP that there was that "larger
plan" at work for me as well. Grateful Al-Anon/MIP member!!!
Recently a question came up in the business meeting of my home group, which is currently meeting on Zoom. One person brought up a motion that we should tell people not to use the chat feature while any member is sharing. When I first heard that motion, I was 100% in agreement. I feel that listening is such an important part of a meeting, and if we are chatting, we are not listening respectfully. My feeling was that people should "shut up and listen." That is how I behave in the meeting.
There was discussion, and someone brought up the point that if a newcomer is present, they might desperately need that contact through the chat -- someone sharing their phone number, someone offering a welcome and encouragement to them -- and they might not get that loving contact if we forbid chatting throughout most of the meeting. That changed my mind, and perhaps some others too. The group conscience came to a decision to request no chatting while the lead speaker is speaking, but that it would be OK at other times. This decision respects everyone in the group -- newcomers and old-timers, those who need to chat and those like me who prefer to shut up.
It was great to see Tradition One at work!
Then with my current A of 29 years, when the excessive alcohol use blossomed around the 15th year, I tried to control everything! Life as I new it was out of balance and I could not stand it.
Throughout my work life I was part of many groups imposed upon me. I tried to keep a low profile and stay out of harms way. In the field of mental health, some of the folks in charge did not have such great mental health!
As I grow and gain health, I find I am able to speak up in my program groups, without imposing my will. My first sponsor had taught me the idea about always having a QTIPquit taking it personally. I think in general I just handle life better. Grateful member always.