Some good things to say and actions to avoid drama
mamalioness said
Apr 3, 2021
Some good things to avoid drama
While searching the web for something completely different, I ran across this list of neutral responses...
That's interesting.
Let me think about that.
Thank you for the information.
Thank you for supporting me.
I'll have to ponder that one.
Wow.
Hmmmmm.
Golly-gee.
Really?
You don't say.
You could be right.
I never thought of it that way.
Thanks for the feedback.
I appreciate your perspective.
That's food for thought.
I hear you.
I hear what you're saying.
I can see where you are coming from.
That's fascinating.
Sounds like you've got it under control.
I trust your ability to handle.
Maybe so.
That could be.
Let me check and get back to you.
That's one way to look at it.
I don't know; what do you think?
Oh.
Ah-ha.
and Perfectly Acceptable - Silence!!!
I've learned in the rooms of Al-Anon that using neutral response is a great way to detach from sticky situations. When my first thought is not polite, kind, honest or useful, I consider these phrases. The more I keep my mouth shut, the more trouble and drama I am able to avoid. When silence isn't possible, I try to use neutral responses to avoid getting drawn into an argument, someone else's business or something I'm not ready to respond to in depth.
Iamhere said
Apr 3, 2021
Rose - I must laugh at myself. I read this and it felt/seemed familiar to me....I posted it back in 2018 here:
-- Edited by Iamhere on Saturday 3rd of April 2021 09:40:48 PM
DavidG said
Apr 3, 2021
Mama... ...I trend towards the "no cross-talk" guidelines at my f2f meeting. Finding it powerful.
With time to chill-out after the formal part of the meeting, if members want to and need to.
I find the phrase, out of all those you list, which is the most powerful- is:- -yes I hear you-.
And when there is something serious
or significant to say- there are listeners.
mamalioness said
Apr 3, 2021
Oh my gosh, IAH. I swear I did not know I stole your 2018 post LOL that is so funny. It was so good I ripped it off LOL but are usually tell in the body somewhere where I got it and I didnt do it this time. Im sorry I hope I didnt step on a boundary I found this in my recovery literature that I keep in my email under ACA and Al-Anon and I just happened to look and opened the folder and I thought oh how cool! Im gonna share this on both boards. I hope I didnt step on a boundary I did not mean to. But I thought it was great stuff LOL I should not be surprised that it belonged to you because you always come up with good stuff
Debb said
Apr 4, 2021
Good listing you two!! LOL Thanks!!
Iamhere said
Apr 4, 2021
No worries Rose - I literally was laughing @ me....Nighttime is not prime thinking time for me, and I stopped in to see what's up @ MIP. I began to read your share and it felt familiar. I did a quick search here and found that I too had stumbled upon this a few years back....I 'borrowed' from another at the time. So, no harm - no foul at all.
I love how recovery works - there are days/moments when I am focused on a concept, emotion, feeling/other and google is my friend! I was thinking just this morning how blessed we are to have the internet, the vast collection of date/other at our fingertips. What a gift and yet, I (hopefully not alone) at times enter a subject and the results drive me crazy!! So, I can even get frustrated with a gold mine of data/information - ha.ha.ha...
mamalioness said
Apr 4, 2021
Hey IAH. I had to laugh about what you said about Google. I am the exact same way LOL. But for the most part yes we are lucky to have it I have learned so much like for example the physiotherapy Im doing for my back and it is helping so much I am literally controlling the spasms where yeah my trainer helped me a lot but I got a ton of info off of Google and YouTube and I am spasm free now longer than I can remember and also to being with my feelings and allowing the feelings and accepting the feelings and just letting them pass through me so I can release them that has helped too. I do a lot of research on Google and it has been really a blessing but I had to laugh at what you said and I thought oh good Im not the only one that feels that way LOL
And Im glad that I didnt step on a boundary with you because I would never ever intentionally do that to anybody and its so weird I usually put a note somewhere on the bottom that I got it from so-and-so or such and such an author or whatever and if they are somebody in my circle like a Recovery fellow traveler, I thank them. So I goofed up all the way around LOL
I hope you are having a super Easter, I am not sure what Im going to do today Im thinking maybe go to the gym and hang out with my friends but I dont know Ive been sitting here just giving thanks to my Lord for all my blessings
Daffodils said
Apr 4, 2021
Great list Mamalioness... invaluable tools . I am familiar with "You could be right " and AH usually responds in kind making it easier for me to apologize when (gasp) I discover I am wrong. Another one is "Why do you ask?" and I patiently wait for an answer ...works well for people who ask pointed, personal questions. As an aside, lately HP ties my tongue when I'm about to respond with sarcasm...which saves a whole lot of drama. Thank you all for gracing me with your shares...it helps me live, love and laugh . Have a wonderful weekend.
mamalioness said
Apr 4, 2021
((((Debb)))))). LOL--Im glad that you enjoyed OUR post. I just love the way this is so kindly put in how to just literally put mental and emotional sunscreen when one is around toxic people especially narcissistic personalities, I have used the above comments so many times when I am around lets say not recovery people LOL and they work. Because theres nothing for the negative to grab onto so I am glad that I re-shared this post and I put it on next-door board as well because I dont think they have seen this. And this was too good not to share. Happy Easter lady! I hope you do something really fun today I am sipping a shake right now and contemplating what I do today
Some good things to avoid drama
While searching the web for something completely different, I ran across this list of neutral responses...
That's interesting.
Let me think about that.
Thank you for the information.
Thank you for supporting me.
I'll have to ponder that one.
Wow.
Hmmmmm.
Golly-gee.
Really?
You don't say.
You could be right.
I never thought of it that way.
Thanks for the feedback.
I appreciate your perspective.
That's food for thought.
I hear you.
I hear what you're saying.
I can see where you are coming from.
That's fascinating.
Sounds like you've got it under control.
I trust your ability to handle.
Maybe so.
That could be.
Let me check and get back to you.
That's one way to look at it.
I don't know; what do you think?
Oh.
Ah-ha.
and Perfectly Acceptable - Silence!!!
I've learned in the rooms of Al-Anon that using neutral response is a great way to detach from sticky situations. When my first thought is not polite, kind, honest or useful, I consider these phrases. The more I keep my mouth shut, the more trouble and drama I am able to avoid. When silence isn't possible, I try to use neutral responses to avoid getting drawn into an argument, someone else's business or something I'm not ready to respond to in depth.
Rose - I must laugh at myself. I read this and it felt/seemed familiar to me....I posted it back in 2018 here:
https://alanon.activeboard.com/t64765158/fyi-might-be-helpfulneutral-responses-for-detaching/
-- Edited by Iamhere on Saturday 3rd of April 2021 09:40:48 PM
Mama...
...I trend towards the "no cross-talk" guidelines at my f2f meeting. Finding it powerful.
With time to chill-out after the formal part of the meeting, if members want to and need to.
I find the phrase, out of all those you list, which is the most powerful- is:- -yes I hear you-.
And when there is something serious
or significant to say- there are listeners.
I love how recovery works - there are days/moments when I am focused on a concept, emotion, feeling/other and google is my friend! I was thinking just this morning how blessed we are to have the internet, the vast collection of date/other at our fingertips. What a gift and yet, I (hopefully not alone) at times enter a subject and the results drive me crazy!! So, I can even get frustrated with a gold mine of data/information - ha.ha.ha...
And Im glad that I didnt step on a boundary with you because I would never ever intentionally do that to anybody and its so weird I usually put a note somewhere on the bottom that I got it from so-and-so or such and such an author or whatever and if they are somebody in my circle like a Recovery fellow traveler, I thank them. So I goofed up all the way around LOL
I hope you are having a super Easter, I am not sure what Im going to do today Im thinking maybe go to the gym and hang out with my friends but I dont know Ive been sitting here just giving thanks to my Lord for all my blessings