I couldn't decide which reading I like better, so I will share both.
ODAT for March 12 says that we can be just as sick as alcoholics, with an obsession to "save" them. For our well-being, we need to learn that we cannot live another's life. When we focus on ourselves, this reading suggests, it is more likely the alcoholic will seek help. The quote is, "I pray I may learn it is not my function to direct or control another person, however close to me. I will also cease to be a crutch. I can live nobody's life but my own."
Courage to Change for March 12 says that my mood or my actions do not have to be based on someone else's mood, tone, or state of inebriation. I don't have to react when provoked, argue when presented with arguments, or believe harsh words. I can remember these provocations are coming from someone in pain, and I do not have to act in a way I don't want to. The reminder includes, "When faced with other people's destructive attitudes and behaviors, I can love their best and never feat their worst." The quote from In All Our Affairs is possibly my all-time favorite: "Detachment is not caring less, it's caring more for my own serenity."
--------------------------
These readings sum up a lot of what I have learned from Al-Anon: Live my life. Care about my serenity. Do not fear others, because I am able to keep myself safe. This is a complete 180-degree turnaround from how I thought and felt before.
I feel a bit doubtful when I read that when we change ourselves, the alcoholic may seek help -- because I know this is not guaranteed. Sometimes it does not happen. In my situation, it actually did happen -- although too late to save the alcoholic's life, it did open the door for redemption for both of us. Amazingly, it has enabled me to "love their best" -- and that did not seem possible when I came to Al-Anon.
Have a great day, MIP friends.
SunnyFrogs said
Mar 12, 2021
Good morning.And thanks.
I do believe I was sicker than my AH. At times I know that I still can be if I don't keep myself in check. It's so easy to let go of Alanon even just a little bit and slip back. I know I have no choice but to keep working this program unless I wanna go back and stay stuck in the old ways. Letting go of a person and allowing them to just be is hard, it's really hard to not feel responsible for and obligated to someone you love so much. It's so hard to not want to fix or save them. I am slowly learning how to be responsible for and to save myself, which is something I have never done.
As far as others moods and actions and my own, I am doing so much better at not allowing myself to get so caught up in whatever random mood AH is in. It can be so hard at times,especially when I am already not feeling well, if I am stressed,tired,etc. I am learning that the most important thing is for me to focus on myself and self care in order to hold onto my serenity. And when I do, it seems like it does kinda change AH's behavior and moods, I guess it's kinda hard for him to fight with someone when they refuse to step into the ring with him all the time.
I have not been feeling too well the past few days but today I am feeling much better.So I do know it will be easier to do what I need to do in order to have peace today.
Debb said
Mar 12, 2021
Thank you Freetime for today's two readings, your service and for yours and Sunnyfrogs ESH.
I do believe, as do you both about yourselves, that I myself was as sick as the alcoholic in my life.
When I found MIP and Al-Anon I was in the midst of trying to change him, and the chaotic engagements
and arguments were quite the normal occurrences. The gaslighting was unbearable because it was,
invariably, always directed at me in the form of personal attacks. I have emotionally moved so
far past these situations, AH doesn't have any reason anymore to engage in these tactics, because I
have learned to mind my own business and detach with love. My largest lesson was what alcoholism
was and why it does what it does to people who are alcoholics and who have to live with alcoholics.
Learning that I could not cause, control or cure it lifted a great weight off my shoulders and with the
help of my HP I am able to release myself from resentment and anger. Very grateful member indeed!!
Lyne said
Mar 12, 2021
Thanks FT for your service and for all the above great shares. Yes alanon has taught me a lot of skills for living. Those readings sum up some very important lessons. I couldn't see how sick I had become, and it took awhile to come out of denial and face myself needing help. That was a very important step. Then there is the breaking of codependency. I had relied on my A and other addicts to determine my feelings and behaviors. None of that was good for me but to change has taken persistent attention and practice. I'm doing life much better now, but still need this program and practice. ODAT.
Iamhere said
Mar 12, 2021
Happy Friday MIP - thank you Freetime for your service and the dailies - it feels super cool to get a 2 for 1 today! Ha!!
Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I too believe I was as sick, if not sicker, than my A(s). With the best of intentions, I inserted myself right square into the middle of so many things that just were not my business. This truly kept me in a perpetual cycle of insanity, anxiety, fear, misery, etc. Until I got to Al-Anon, I truly felt and thought it was 'my job' to take care of others 'like this'.
Embracing what's suggested in Al-Anon and practicing it as best I can helped me see that truly loving another is letting them go to do what they do and let them save themselves. Changing me has not been an easy process, yet far more rewarding than I ever imagined. It's fulfilling to be able to just offer to be of service to another in crisis - self-inflicted or not - and wait to be asked instead of jumping right into the middle with both feet.
I still worry, and then remember that prayer/meditation calms me. I still get disappointed, and then remember we all have our own HP and that calms me. I still get sad, and then remember that hope is far better than gloom/doom which brightens my mood. I do try to start my day the Al-Anon way, choose to be joyful and positive and try to hold onto it. This program has given me tons of choices and tools to use one day at a time to be a different, hopefully better version of me.
We've got weather that's moved in with rain expected for a few days. We really, really need the moisture so a welcome change. I finally got my AH scheduled for his first vaccine shot. I'm in the past phase of our state because of age so it will be a bit for me. I'm still doing my part to pause/stop the spread, but am so, so ready for change and more freedom! Love and light to all - happy weekend!
I couldn't decide which reading I like better, so I will share both.
ODAT for March 12 says that we can be just as sick as alcoholics, with an obsession to "save" them. For our well-being, we need to learn that we cannot live another's life. When we focus on ourselves, this reading suggests, it is more likely the alcoholic will seek help. The quote is, "I pray I may learn it is not my function to direct or control another person, however close to me. I will also cease to be a crutch. I can live nobody's life but my own."
Courage to Change for March 12 says that my mood or my actions do not have to be based on someone else's mood, tone, or state of inebriation. I don't have to react when provoked, argue when presented with arguments, or believe harsh words. I can remember these provocations are coming from someone in pain, and I do not have to act in a way I don't want to. The reminder includes, "When faced with other people's destructive attitudes and behaviors, I can love their best and never feat their worst." The quote from In All Our Affairs is possibly my all-time favorite: "Detachment is not caring less, it's caring more for my own serenity."
--------------------------
These readings sum up a lot of what I have learned from Al-Anon: Live my life. Care about my serenity. Do not fear others, because I am able to keep myself safe. This is a complete 180-degree turnaround from how I thought and felt before.
I feel a bit doubtful when I read that when we change ourselves, the alcoholic may seek help -- because I know this is not guaranteed. Sometimes it does not happen. In my situation, it actually did happen -- although too late to save the alcoholic's life, it did open the door for redemption for both of us. Amazingly, it has enabled me to "love their best" -- and that did not seem possible when I came to Al-Anon.
Have a great day, MIP friends.
I do believe I was sicker than my AH. At times I know that I still can be if I don't keep myself in check. It's so easy to let go of Alanon even just a little bit and slip back. I know I have no choice but to keep working this program unless I wanna go back and stay stuck in the old ways. Letting go of a person and allowing them to just be is hard, it's really hard to not feel responsible for and obligated to someone you love so much. It's so hard to not want to fix or save them. I am slowly learning how to be responsible for and to save myself, which is something I have never done.
As far as others moods and actions and my own, I am doing so much better at not allowing myself to get so caught up in whatever random mood AH is in. It can be so hard at times,especially when I am already not feeling well, if I am stressed,tired,etc. I am learning that the most important thing is for me to focus on myself and self care in order to hold onto my serenity. And when I do, it seems like it does kinda change AH's behavior and moods, I guess it's kinda hard for him to fight with someone when they refuse to step into the ring with him all the time.
I have not been feeling too well the past few days but today I am feeling much better.So I do know it will be easier to do what I need to do in order to have peace today.
I do believe, as do you both about yourselves, that I myself was as sick as the alcoholic in my life.
When I found MIP and Al-Anon I was in the midst of trying to change him, and the chaotic engagements
and arguments were quite the normal occurrences. The gaslighting was unbearable because it was,
invariably, always directed at me in the form of personal attacks. I have emotionally moved so
far past these situations, AH doesn't have any reason anymore to engage in these tactics, because I
have learned to mind my own business and detach with love. My largest lesson was what alcoholism
was and why it does what it does to people who are alcoholics and who have to live with alcoholics.
Learning that I could not cause, control or cure it lifted a great weight off my shoulders and with the
help of my HP I am able to release myself from resentment and anger. Very grateful member indeed!!
Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I too believe I was as sick, if not sicker, than my A(s). With the best of intentions, I inserted myself right square into the middle of so many things that just were not my business. This truly kept me in a perpetual cycle of insanity, anxiety, fear, misery, etc. Until I got to Al-Anon, I truly felt and thought it was 'my job' to take care of others 'like this'.
Embracing what's suggested in Al-Anon and practicing it as best I can helped me see that truly loving another is letting them go to do what they do and let them save themselves. Changing me has not been an easy process, yet far more rewarding than I ever imagined. It's fulfilling to be able to just offer to be of service to another in crisis - self-inflicted or not - and wait to be asked instead of jumping right into the middle with both feet.
I still worry, and then remember that prayer/meditation calms me. I still get disappointed, and then remember we all have our own HP and that calms me. I still get sad, and then remember that hope is far better than gloom/doom which brightens my mood. I do try to start my day the Al-Anon way, choose to be joyful and positive and try to hold onto it. This program has given me tons of choices and tools to use one day at a time to be a different, hopefully better version of me.
We've got weather that's moved in with rain expected for a few days. We really, really need the moisture so a welcome change. I finally got my AH scheduled for his first vaccine shot. I'm in the past phase of our state because of age so it will be a bit for me. I'm still doing my part to pause/stop the spread, but am so, so ready for change and more freedom! Love and light to all - happy weekend!