Todays ODAT talks about living in the days of calamity and hysteria, when alcoholism rules the way we lived and approached
our daily lives. But now that we have found Al-Anon we have the opportunity to see our problems with a better sense of
proportion and balance.
Todays Reminder:
Now that I am in Al-Anon, I am no longer alone. I have learned to comfort and encourage others, and that gives me a fresh
approach to my own difficulties. I can help others, and they can help me.
Woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up. (Ecclesiastes)
Poise and courage were the two words used in todays reading to describe the gifts that Al-Anon gives us.
I had neither when I arrived on the doorstep of MIP and Al-Anon. I was scared and emotionally beaten up.
MIP, the Al-Anon Steps and my HP were instrumental in helping me understand and learn that the fear, resentment and lack
of confidence that I developed from AH's disease and verbal abuse was holding me back from being a compassionate human
being with others and myself. Understanding the effect that 18 years of feeling sorry and hurt had such a negative affect on
my personality and how all that alcoholic chaos created a person that was so self conscious and not human was an epiphany!
I am much more relaxed and now have the tools to detach and avert the situations that arise where AH can no longer verbally
abuse me.
Step five enhanced my understanding of how the disease of alcoholism affects me as well as the alcoholic. The alcoholic thrives
on creating chaos in order to justify their drinking. They do this by personally attacking those that are close to them, who must
live with them. Those who live with them must endure the attacks, but understand that the chaos is just a cover for the A's need
for excuses and reasons to drink and the abuse is uncalled for and should never be accepted. The tools of detaching with love,
minding our own business and having compassion for the alcoholic is a saving grace for everyone, and by removing ourselves
from the chaos with these tools, peace and serenity can be realized.
The realization that MIP, my HP and Al-Anon have helped me through all of this difficulty and that no matter what the reasons I
have become a better person, no matter what AH decides to do, I will no longer allow the disease or the abuse to hurt me anymore.
I am still a work in progress and take one day at a time, but the program works when you work it.
The greatest gift of Al-Anon is being able to give back to others so that the gift keeps on giving!!
Have a great day everyone!!
Lyne said
Mar 11, 2021
Thank you Debb for your service and to both of you above for amazing shares. I think you have summed up basically what alanon can do for a damaged human, speaking of myself of course! My reliance on others for a sense of self was just a circus. The fear and shame I carried for years was unbearable. My withdrawing from friends who were not A's was not helpful. And all the abuse I accepted-- that training came from my FOO from an older brother. I didn't know what respect was. Life is way different, better, and happy much of the time. I need to keep coming back but I don't mind at all. I resigned from the Doormat Club but don't ever want to slip back. Grateful member.
Iamhere said
Mar 11, 2021
Happy Thursday MIP. Thank you Debb for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. I was a broken human when I arrived. Today, I am grateful to be a member of recovery, living as best I can, one day at a time, realizing each day that I have so much to embrace and enjoy.
I really feel, deep within, that I am no longer alone. That, in and of itself, is a gift of recovery that can't be measured. I am really grateful for my spiritual growth and a loving relationship with the God of my understanding. I am just so vastly different in how I spend my 'resources' today - mind, heart, soul, energy, etc. Most days, I feel very, very centered - again, so different than when I arrived.
Off to golf shortly - make it a great day all...
DavidG said
Mar 11, 2021
Thanks Debbs, and y'all... ...
We had this reading at our F2F last night and discussed it. From meetings with 2 or 3 people- we have five last night!
In an assembly in that town I hear North American speakers- who were used to large meetings- speak with confidence and clarity. They always had a catch-phrase- that summed up their journey. [I suppose this is where our slogans originated from!]
I determined to say: "Ah went from the paralysis of analysis to an attitude of gratitude."
I was far from this point when I first said it. It did take time for me to heal and to have a while-hearted sense of gratitude.
But the seeds were sown. I kept going along- and it seems I did pick up brownie points.
SunnyFrogs said
Mar 12, 2021
Hi everyone.
I'm late to this one but it's an important one so here I am.
Living with an A is crazy making. OMG is it ever crazy making. When I think about my behavior before it really makes me cringe,especially since most of the time it was worse than AH's. An outsider most likely would have thought I was the A,not him.
I have not made a miraculous change or anything but my life really is slowly improving. It feels empowering when I can work this program and hold onto my peace(and sanity). I no longer beat myself up(as much) when I fall back into old ways, instead I just pick myself up and carry on.
It helps so much knowing I am not alone in this unless I choose to be. I do have choices and options and the more I experience that the better it makes my life. I make the choice to work the program. I make the choice to avoid drama, I make the choice to walk away from unacceptable behavior...I have choices. And I thoroughly enjoy coming here and reading shares, knwoing others totally get it is helping me most I do believe.
I don't feel so broken like I did before commiting to this program. Maybe a little cracked still but definitely not broken.
Freetime said
Mar 12, 2021
SunnyFrogs, I love what you said, "still cracked but not broken." That certainly described me as I got more and more into the program. I believe that now, when life throws things at me, my "cracks" might get shaken up and start to destabilize me, but now I have the glue to put me back together.
Maresie888 said
Mar 13, 2021
Sunnyfrogs
I would not for me say that living with an alcoholic is my.core issue. I came to live with an alcoholic because I have anxious atrachment. On some levels I felt the alcoholic was familiar Dysfunctionsl enmeshed families are familiar to be. Dysfunctional people who get overwhelmed have been incredibly familiar to me.
Being in al anon I have learned boundaries, being calm in the face of a storm. What I was looking for in a relationship did not happen, the sense of worth, the sense that I mattered, being appreciated. The qualifier was most certainly not capable of that. In so many ways I knew that very early in the relationship. Then things happened as they always do
For me so much of my life issues have been helped by al anon. Not answering when people are provocative, establishing limits, being around people who are working on themselves rather than not interested
So al anon certainly helped me tremendously. However I am not free of anxious attachment and other issues which still have a significant affect on my life
Being boundaryless was a terrible vulnerability.
Being #other# focused was also an incredible liability and really sad
Nevertheless I am still here, still inspired and looking to thrive
I do not feel broken or cracked. I feel very hopeful for all of us in the post Covid world
Todays ODAT talks about living in the days of calamity and hysteria, when alcoholism rules the way we lived and approached
our daily lives. But now that we have found Al-Anon we have the opportunity to see our problems with a better sense of
proportion and balance.
Todays Reminder:
Now that I am in Al-Anon, I am no longer alone. I have learned to comfort and encourage others, and that gives me a fresh
approach to my own difficulties. I can help others, and they can help me.
Woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up. (Ecclesiastes)
Poise and courage were the two words used in todays reading to describe the gifts that Al-Anon gives us.
I had neither when I arrived on the doorstep of MIP and Al-Anon. I was scared and emotionally beaten up.
MIP, the Al-Anon Steps and my HP were instrumental in helping me understand and learn that the fear, resentment and lack
of confidence that I developed from AH's disease and verbal abuse was holding me back from being a compassionate human
being with others and myself. Understanding the effect that 18 years of feeling sorry and hurt had such a negative affect on
my personality and how all that alcoholic chaos created a person that was so self conscious and not human was an epiphany!
I am much more relaxed and now have the tools to detach and avert the situations that arise where AH can no longer verbally
abuse me.
Step five enhanced my understanding of how the disease of alcoholism affects me as well as the alcoholic. The alcoholic thrives
on creating chaos in order to justify their drinking. They do this by personally attacking those that are close to them, who must
live with them. Those who live with them must endure the attacks, but understand that the chaos is just a cover for the A's need
for excuses and reasons to drink and the abuse is uncalled for and should never be accepted. The tools of detaching with love,
minding our own business and having compassion for the alcoholic is a saving grace for everyone, and by removing ourselves
from the chaos with these tools, peace and serenity can be realized.
The realization that MIP, my HP and Al-Anon have helped me through all of this difficulty and that no matter what the reasons I
have become a better person, no matter what AH decides to do, I will no longer allow the disease or the abuse to hurt me anymore.
I am still a work in progress and take one day at a time, but the program works when you work it.
The greatest gift of Al-Anon is being able to give back to others so that the gift keeps on giving!!
Have a great day everyone!!
I really feel, deep within, that I am no longer alone. That, in and of itself, is a gift of recovery that can't be measured. I am really grateful for my spiritual growth and a loving relationship with the God of my understanding. I am just so vastly different in how I spend my 'resources' today - mind, heart, soul, energy, etc. Most days, I feel very, very centered - again, so different than when I arrived.
Off to golf shortly - make it a great day all...
We had this reading at our F2F last night and discussed it. From meetings with 2 or 3 people- we have five last night!
In an assembly in that town I hear North American speakers- who were used to large meetings- speak with confidence and clarity. They always had a catch-phrase- that summed up their journey. [I suppose this is where our slogans originated from!]
I determined to say: "Ah went from the paralysis of analysis to an attitude of gratitude."
I was far from this point when I first said it. It did take time for me to heal and to have a while-hearted sense of gratitude.
But the seeds were sown. I kept going along- and it seems I did pick up brownie points.
I'm late to this one but it's an important one so here I am.
Living with an A is crazy making. OMG is it ever crazy making. When I think about my behavior before it really makes me cringe,especially since most of the time it was worse than AH's. An outsider most likely would have thought I was the A,not him.
I have not made a miraculous change or anything but my life really is slowly improving. It feels empowering when I can work this program and hold onto my peace(and sanity). I no longer beat myself up(as much) when I fall back into old ways, instead I just pick myself up and carry on.
It helps so much knowing I am not alone in this unless I choose to be. I do have choices and options and the more I experience that the better it makes my life. I make the choice to work the program. I make the choice to avoid drama, I make the choice to walk away from unacceptable behavior...I have choices. And I thoroughly enjoy coming here and reading shares, knwoing others totally get it is helping me most I do believe.
I don't feel so broken like I did before commiting to this program. Maybe a little cracked still but definitely not broken.
I would not for me say that living with an alcoholic is my.core issue. I came to live with an alcoholic because I have anxious atrachment. On some levels I felt the alcoholic was familiar Dysfunctionsl enmeshed families are familiar to be. Dysfunctional people who get overwhelmed have been incredibly familiar to me.
Being in al anon I have learned boundaries, being calm in the face of a storm. What I was looking for in a relationship did not happen, the sense of worth, the sense that I mattered, being appreciated. The qualifier was most certainly not capable of that. In so many ways I knew that very early in the relationship. Then things happened as they always do
For me so much of my life issues have been helped by al anon. Not answering when people are provocative, establishing limits, being around people who are working on themselves rather than not interested
So al anon certainly helped me tremendously. However I am not free of anxious attachment and other issues which still have a significant affect on my life
Being boundaryless was a terrible vulnerability.
Being #other# focused was also an incredible liability and really sad
Nevertheless I am still here, still inspired and looking to thrive
I do not feel broken or cracked. I feel very hopeful for all of us in the post Covid world