I am struggling with an addicted daughter who is out of control. She totaled her car last week and the next day went out and financed another. Now because of her horrific driving record she cannot afford the insurance and wants my husband and I to cosign the loan so she can go back on ours (where she has been since she started driving 3 years ago). WE ARE NOT COSIGNING, but I am wondering if anybody knows if we would be liable God forbid anything should happen with her and that car and it not being insured. It is in her name not ours
Any advise would be helpful.
Thanks
DavidG said
Mar 3, 2021
Hi Mama... ...sometimes, in our group meetings we do mot comment at all.
Other times we can give opinions, but not advice, mostly. We give each other the chance to work things out for ourselves.
Sometimes the situations are dire. If someone is in danger, we certainly remind them.
Your daughter is in danger- of losing everything. Her life even.
in Alanon some of us- many of us- have faced life threatening situations.
Our groups work, because we join forces in finding solutions to common issues.
Sometimes we don't have all the answers- and hopefully when I don't- I say so... and keep looking... ...
Without members, Mama, our groups would fade away. So joining together like this- helps everyone.
DavidG.
mamamary1964 said
Mar 3, 2021
David, I am well aware that she is a danger to herself and others, but I am powerless to do anything about it. I think "advise" was not the correct word, I'm wondering perhaps if someone else has had the same experience. Sometimes hearing about others experiences with the similar situations helps a bit. I know I have to detach from her and I am prepared to do so, we will offer help, but not financial, and if she doesn't want to take it, then she needs to leave. It breaks my heart but I know we can't live this way.
Thanks for your response.
DavidG said
Mar 3, 2021
Mama...
I am "dealing" with a nephew who has been addicted. Maybe still is. He and his partner have had their two boys taken off them and put into care. My family system is rife with addiction. In the beginning I did not know where to turn, or where to look. It does get easier to understand, and to know how to respond, over time.
We have members here- who are closer to the issue than I am... but I am introducing myself because I belong here. ...
In our closing we say this:- Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will come to realise that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened."
As I hear you I can tell you have an open mind.
I come from a rural culture, and if I sometimes seem a bit too familiar, please bear this in mind. ...
Alanon came to this town with the construction crews building huge dam on the valley floor.
From the day I joined I need looked back. ...
Debb said
Mar 3, 2021
Hi Mamamary, I would ask an attorney or if you cannot afford one, maybe ask your local free legal assistance organization.
Hope you find your answers and hope your daughter will be safe as well. Let us know what you find out.
Iamhere said
Mar 3, 2021
Hey Mama - I am assuming you're in the US....as best I understand, each state has different laws about 'this' and liability. In our situation and in our state, so long as our son was not on our insurance, and we had no ownership in the vehicle, we were not liable.
I will admit that I talked to a lawyer, the police and my insurance guy - trying to protect our assets. This is one of this situations where talking to official local resources might provide some peace of mind. It's a great question and one that I chased as well.
To me, this falls under 'courage to change the things I can' - if you can get answers that give you some peace about liability, it's self-care. Hang in there - you're not alone...
TeaP said
Mar 5, 2021
Hi Mama- many libraries have free legal advice or drop-in hours. During Covid your library, may coordinate a call with you and the attorney.
I am struggling with an addicted daughter who is out of control. She totaled her car last week and the next day went out and financed another. Now because of her horrific driving record she cannot afford the insurance and wants my husband and I to cosign the loan so she can go back on ours (where she has been since she started driving 3 years ago). WE ARE NOT COSIGNING, but I am wondering if anybody knows if we would be liable God forbid anything should happen with her and that car and it not being insured. It is in her name not ours
Any advise would be helpful.
Thanks
Hi Mama... ...sometimes, in our group meetings we do mot comment at all.
Other times we can give opinions, but not advice, mostly. We give each other the chance to work things out for ourselves.
Sometimes the situations are dire. If someone is in danger, we certainly remind them.
Your daughter is in danger- of losing everything. Her life even.
in Alanon some of us- many of us- have faced life threatening situations.
Our groups work, because we join forces in finding solutions to common issues.
Sometimes we don't have all the answers- and hopefully when I don't- I say so... and keep looking...
...
Without members, Mama, our groups would fade away. So joining together like this- helps everyone.
DavidG.
Thanks for your response.
Mama...
I am "dealing" with a nephew who has been addicted. Maybe still is. He and his partner have had their two boys taken off them and put into care. My family system is rife with addiction. In the beginning I did not know where to turn, or where to look. It does get easier to understand, and to know how to respond, over time.
We have members here- who are closer to the issue than I am... but I am introducing myself because I belong here.
...
In our closing we say this:- Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will come to realise that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened."
As I hear you I can tell you have an open mind.
I come from a rural culture, and if I sometimes seem a bit too familiar, please bear this in mind.
...
Alanon came to this town with the construction crews building huge dam on the valley floor.
From the day I joined I need looked back.
...
Hope you find your answers and hope your daughter will be safe as well. Let us know what you find out.
I will admit that I talked to a lawyer, the police and my insurance guy - trying to protect our assets. This is one of this situations where talking to official local resources might provide some peace of mind. It's a great question and one that I chased as well.
To me, this falls under 'courage to change the things I can' - if you can get answers that give you some peace about liability, it's self-care. Hang in there - you're not alone...