I am just writing to vent becasue I am so frightened right now. I am no stranger to addiction (both my son (drugs) and husband (alcohol) WERE addicts) This is different it's my baby and my only little girl. She totaled her car on Tuesday (in my name of course) and went out and financed another in her name on Wednesday. When she realized how much the insurance was going to be she begged me to cosign, I told her NO before she went and did it and did not back down and will not back down. She does not need to be behind the wheel of a car. I really thought she had been doing well in her sobriety (she finished rehab in August) and was going to meetings and seemed to be doing great that's the only reason I was allowing her to drive in the first place. Long story short, she split and won't come home unless we "help" her by cosigning. she was told NO by both my husband and myself so she now decided she is going to drive this financed car (and God knows how she got financing) with no insurance. My prayer is she gets pulled over and the car get towed, my fear is she gets into another accident and hurts somebody! Not really looking for advice as I know I have to sit back and watch her fight her secret war. She isn't allowed in the home if she is actively using. I just need some words of encouragement or maybe a story with a happy ending.
Thanks guys
Debb said
Mar 1, 2021
Welcome MamaMary1964 to MIP and glad you found us to vent with {{SMILES}}.
My one and only daughter, was not an addict, but bi-polar and would not accept to get psychological help.
I let her move back in with me and, at the time, my new husband. She was so so difficult to live with and
would not seek the help she needed that we had to help her find her own place. She lost her job, got
evicted, ended up in jail because she would not comply with the sheriffs, lost all her belongings and car
which my husband and I were able to salvage and store for her, because she ended up on Christmas Day
in a homeless shelter (all the time still refusing to talk with me or get help). The homeless shelter had
her committed because she caused so much trouble in the shelter. When she got out she was assigned to
a halfway house and from their she thought she would escape and join the Marines. She could not hack
basic training and went to Florida until she ran out of funds and showed up back on our door step via
a taxi from the airport. Two separate stints in the behavioral health ward at the local hospital over a
period of 8 years and she is now living on her own making a good living and on the right meds.
You just have to stick to your guns (so to speak) because when you do, you are doing your daughter
the best favor ever. {{HUGS}}
mamamary1964 said
Mar 1, 2021
Thank you for that "happy ending" story. My daughter has some psychiatric issues as well that's when she started to self-medicate. I am very happy that your daughter has become self-sufficient and can only pray that will happen for mine as well.
Debb said
Mar 1, 2021
MamaMary1964, glad to oblige and please keep coming back to chat whenever you would like too!!
Will keep you and your family in my prayers.
-- Edited by Debb on Monday 1st of March 2021 06:20:55 PM
Iamhere said
Mar 1, 2021
Welcome to MIP MamaMary1964 - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I've only got boys and both are addicts/alcoholics. They're still young - 28 and 26 and only through my own recovery did I find my happy ending. One is sober, one is not. At times over the last 10 years, they've both been sober/clean and they've both been active. It's a horrible disease and so very, very painful to watch those we gave birth to self-destruct with this disease.
My happy ending comes from standing back, putting me first and letting them 'adult' as they see fit. Both have been to jail, wrecked cars, treatment centers, mental health centers, prison, debt and more. Yet, as I write this, both are gainfully employed, for today, and alive. Neither of these seemed possible just a few short years ago.
What's happened here is when we stopped providing a soft landing, both have hit the ground hard, on their backsides. Neither of mine are truly happy with me for getting sane and working on recovery - I closed the open door policy of our home, closed the family bank, stopped with loans, etc. We also had a hard boundary of living here/being sober/clean.
So, it sounds like you're doing all you know to do to protect yourself and 'love her from across the street'. It's maddening, frustrating, sad, etc. all at once - I hear you...you are not alone. Hang in there and keep coming back (to vent, or not)!!
mamamary1964 said
Mar 2, 2021
Thank you Lori! It is nice to hear that somehow they figure it out. My daughter is a literal hot mess - stubborn, manipulative and oh so dramatic! I know I have to let her crash and burn and to be honest this has been a long time coming. My husband and son found sobriety through Christ who in His grace and mercy removed the desire completely, my daughter, well she refuses to surrender to Christ or anybody for that matter. She is going to do what she wants, when she wants with no thought for her own safety or the safety of anybody who may get in her path. I know I am powerless and I know I have to surrender this all to the Lord; Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Most of the time, I'm strong but I admit there are times the enemy starts to whisper in my ear and I so want to go back to my enabling. I won't but man the desire to fix everything (even though it actually makes it worse) is something I just can't shake. Again, thanks for listening.
I am just writing to vent becasue I am so frightened right now. I am no stranger to addiction (both my son (drugs) and husband (alcohol) WERE addicts) This is different it's my baby and my only little girl. She totaled her car on Tuesday (in my name of course) and went out and financed another in her name on Wednesday. When she realized how much the insurance was going to be she begged me to cosign, I told her NO before she went and did it and did not back down and will not back down. She does not need to be behind the wheel of a car. I really thought she had been doing well in her sobriety (she finished rehab in August) and was going to meetings and seemed to be doing great that's the only reason I was allowing her to drive in the first place. Long story short, she split and won't come home unless we "help" her by cosigning. she was told NO by both my husband and myself so she now decided she is going to drive this financed car (and God knows how she got financing) with no insurance. My prayer is she gets pulled over and the car get towed, my fear is she gets into another accident and hurts somebody! Not really looking for advice as I know I have to sit back and watch her fight her secret war. She isn't allowed in the home if she is actively using. I just need some words of encouragement or maybe a story with a happy ending.
Thanks guys
My one and only daughter, was not an addict, but bi-polar and would not accept to get psychological help.
I let her move back in with me and, at the time, my new husband. She was so so difficult to live with and
would not seek the help she needed that we had to help her find her own place. She lost her job, got
evicted, ended up in jail because she would not comply with the sheriffs, lost all her belongings and car
which my husband and I were able to salvage and store for her, because she ended up on Christmas Day
in a homeless shelter (all the time still refusing to talk with me or get help). The homeless shelter had
her committed because she caused so much trouble in the shelter. When she got out she was assigned to
a halfway house and from their she thought she would escape and join the Marines. She could not hack
basic training and went to Florida until she ran out of funds and showed up back on our door step via
a taxi from the airport. Two separate stints in the behavioral health ward at the local hospital over a
period of 8 years and she is now living on her own making a good living and on the right meds.
You just have to stick to your guns (so to speak) because when you do, you are doing your daughter
the best favor ever. {{HUGS}}
Thank you for that "happy ending" story. My daughter has some psychiatric issues as well that's when she started to self-medicate. I am very happy that your daughter has become self-sufficient and can only pray that will happen for mine as well.
MamaMary1964, glad to oblige and please keep coming back to chat whenever you would like too!!
Will keep you and your family in my prayers.
-- Edited by Debb on Monday 1st of March 2021 06:20:55 PM
My happy ending comes from standing back, putting me first and letting them 'adult' as they see fit. Both have been to jail, wrecked cars, treatment centers, mental health centers, prison, debt and more. Yet, as I write this, both are gainfully employed, for today, and alive. Neither of these seemed possible just a few short years ago.
What's happened here is when we stopped providing a soft landing, both have hit the ground hard, on their backsides. Neither of mine are truly happy with me for getting sane and working on recovery - I closed the open door policy of our home, closed the family bank, stopped with loans, etc. We also had a hard boundary of living here/being sober/clean.
So, it sounds like you're doing all you know to do to protect yourself and 'love her from across the street'. It's maddening, frustrating, sad, etc. all at once - I hear you...you are not alone. Hang in there and keep coming back (to vent, or not)!!