... Boundaries- I was told that the idea was to remove barriers and help create healthy boundaries.
In my world the generational boundaries were broken -damaged. Some non-existent. So I still struggle with what a boundary is.
At the moment I am thinking it might be about rituals of encounter. In my family culture the rituals were all about drinking together.
I went to Fiji last year- where the traditional rituals were around drinking kava. But some people and families treated this drink as "grog" and used it to get blotto.
In my home group we have only three members. Two weeks ago our new member said that a group hug was okay- but not an individual hug for her. Setting a boundary- good stuff!
So last night I had a warm hug with the other old-timer- but not with the newcomer. They had an individual hug together.
The newcomer asked me if I wanted to participate in some impro theatre sports in the community. Just two evening sessions. I wanted and needed to participate.
She was going to give me a flier. Was waiting at lat night's meeting to see if this would eventuate.
After the meeting was closed she raised the issue of the improvisation workshop. Good boundary- taking it outside of the group sharing arena. And the other old timer is aware of this too.
She didn't have the flier. She had my cell-phone number- but I don't have her's. But I invited her to text me the venue.
In our neck of the woods the future of Alanon hangs on a thread.
I am happy to share an activity out in the community with a member.
Any feedback welcome here... ...
...thanks.
SunnyFrogs said
Feb 25, 2021
Hi David
I've been listening to podcasts on Youtube about boundaries. They say they are how we teach others to treat us. I have been trying to put into practice what I've been
learning and it's not always easy to do. It feels empowering though when I set a boundary and consistently follow through. Consistency isn't quite there for me often enough yet though.
I hope the newcomer texts you and you get to participate.
DavidG said
Feb 25, 2021
Sunny... you affirmation here is awesome. The newcomer sent me a flier this morning.
I was talking with an an Alanon friend this morning- from this group. About how I tear up
from time to time- sometimes with empathy, and sometimes gratitude. Reading your response
I realised that you picked up my drift completely. You understood, you listened. So much of my life
was not like this. Thanks. ...
Lyne said
Feb 26, 2021
Thanks David and SunnyFrogs for these great shares. Boundaries for me is learning where I end and another begins. It is about stopping enmeshment (usually with addicts) and codependency. I don't want others to dictate how I feel or behave. I used to give others this power. Now I want to decide how I feel and how I behave based on what is healthy and good for me. It's taken years of alanon and practicing to not care if others do not approve or like my choices. My life has become about me and not others. (Of course when raising my son he had to come first most of the time.) But now he is an adult and it's been a hard habit to break, not putting his needs first. It's not easy being a grown up and alanon is not for sissies!
Debb said
Feb 26, 2021
Hello everyone!! Boundaries for me starts with me and how I treat and feel about me, then emanate from there.
Al-Anon has helped me to get in touch with my feelings and worth and most importantly to view my expectations
In my world the generational boundaries were broken -damaged. Some non-existent. So I still struggle with what a boundary is.
At the moment I am thinking it might be about rituals of encounter. In my family culture the rituals were all about drinking together.
I went to Fiji last year- where the traditional rituals were around drinking kava. But some people and families treated this drink as "grog" and used it to get blotto.
In my home group we have only three members. Two weeks ago our new member said that a group hug was okay- but not an individual hug for her. Setting a boundary- good stuff!
So last night I had a warm hug with the other old-timer- but not with the newcomer. They had an individual hug together.
The newcomer asked me if I wanted to participate in some impro theatre sports in the community. Just two evening sessions. I wanted and needed to participate.
She was going to give me a flier. Was waiting at lat night's meeting to see if this would eventuate.
After the meeting was closed she raised the issue of the improvisation workshop. Good boundary- taking it outside of the group sharing arena. And the other old timer is aware of this too.
She didn't have the flier. She had my cell-phone number- but I don't have her's. But I invited her to text me the venue.
In our neck of the woods the future of Alanon hangs on a thread.
I am happy to share an activity out in the community with a member.
Any feedback welcome here...
...
...thanks.
I've been listening to podcasts on Youtube about boundaries. They say they are how we teach others to treat us. I have been trying to put into practice what I've been
learning and it's not always easy to do. It feels empowering though when I set a boundary and consistently follow through. Consistency isn't quite there for me often enough yet though.
I hope the newcomer texts you and you get to participate.
I was talking with an an Alanon friend this morning- from this group. About how I tear up
from time to time- sometimes with empathy, and sometimes gratitude. Reading your response
I realised that you picked up my drift completely. You understood, you listened.
So much of my life
was not like this. Thanks.
...
Al-Anon has helped me to get in touch with my feelings and worth and most importantly to view my expectations
realistically.
I was happy to read that.