The author of the reading for Monday, 2/22, relates that making decisions were impossible because the imposed standards were too high. They only wanted to make decisions that would get them exactly what they wanted, or they preferred not to make them at all. Over time, the author learned that decisions did not have to be made alone. In fact, many options for help were available: HP, meetings, gut feelings, and ESH from program members. And they eventually decided that decision-making could be one of lifes great adventures, each crossroad bringing a new challenge.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I had a different spin on this subjectI feared making a decision because I was afraid of making the wrong one. And that wrong decision could bring me ridicule, embarrassment, shame, etc. I could then obsess about my bad decision and beat myself up for quite some time. Life used to be so hard.
I just love the positivity of this reading! Its program at work, it makes sense, and ODAT using alanon we can achieve our goals without fear or ridiculous expectations. Grateful member here.
DavidG said
Feb 21, 2021
Nice reading, Lyne. I was in a funk, or a fog reading these the reading the first time round. [Now possibly called C-PTSD?]
And group time was very limited- at the best of times... ...
Progress not perfection is the slogan that brings to mind. "Do it my way, or not at all". "My way, or the railway!"
I resisted these impulses myself- very much so. But they are very much the culture i sprung from.
The mind along cannot shift the effect. Patience, contemplation, handing over to dear sweet HP... desperation too!
I have had a massive hole in my back yard. 2.5 years deep, and across. To soak storm water away. 18 months there.
[Having a breather from carting in smooth round rocks right now! .]
But we had a sad series of leaks. From the roof. And twice up through the concrete floor. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
Not to mention the cost- letting the exchequer build up again.
And the more immediate issues. But the time has arrived when I am able to tackle this one.
A metaphor for my life, really... ...
Grateful too, Lyne... sigh... sob... thanks so much... ...
Debb said
Feb 22, 2021
This reading gave me pause to think!! Thank you Lyne for your service and to you and David for both your ESH.
I had a tendency, in my younger days, to obsess about difficult decisions as well, mostly that I would rue the day,
if they were bad ones, but in the midst of the alcoholic chaos I have allowed it to cause me to make hasty and irrational
decisions. Allowing the chaos to cloud my judgement and perspective. Since Al-Anon I have discovered that my lack of
patience and fear were driving my quick decision making skills and have come to realize that working on my personal
perspective was a much clearer way to finding the facts that I needed to make a more comfortable decision or not.
Not making a decision was not in my realm years ago, so I have come along way with this program!
Daffodils said
Feb 22, 2021
Good Day Everyone. Thank you Lyne for an excellent post. I rarely made decisions that best suited me. I opted to please others then seethe with resentment.
The best decision I have made this year is to actively participate in my recovery. I perused this board for months afraid to post a reply because I had not joined a group and was not well versed in Al-Anon.
The pandemic forced me to take action such as listening to speakers online, sourcing literature and sharing a bit.
David's reference on Compound PTSD is relevant to me (I have formal diagnosis). I had ceased treatment due to a personality clash with a therapist.
My HP placed an angel in my path who has encouraged me to resume therapy with someone else who is a better fit.
I feel better browsing the board not feeling like a "creepy crawler".
I accept that my shares are not as profound as many I read. I am a work in progress and I am given what I need.
Have a wonderful day
Eileen
Freetime said
Feb 22, 2021
Good morning, all. Daffodils/Eileen -- I am so glad that you shared and feel comfortable joining in. I believe everyone who joins the discussion makes us a stronger community.
I too remember making decisions based on others' expectations, or what I thought were their expectations. I remember the day a therapist said to me, "All I hear you saying is what HE thinks. What do YOU think?" And I was totally flummoxed -- I had never thought of that before, it was like a foreign language, an idea from another planet. I remember the day, many years later, when I realized in Al-Anon that the journey I was embarking on was about my own recovery. What a concept!
Today I am deciding to have a good day! I wish the same to all of you.
Iamhere said
Feb 22, 2021
Happy Monday MIP. Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH.
Eileen - I too am glad you stepped out of 'the shadows' and joined us. I got a chuckle out of the 'creepy crawler' mention - made me literally laugh out loud!
BR (Before Recovery), I considered myself an 'excellent' decision-maker. Of course, that grading was based on the insanity this disease brings and my drive to want/need perfect(ion). So, I would gather ALL the facts and proceed accordingly. Unfortunately, what I didn't know then that I am more aware of now is I considered my feelings as facts, thus they always entered the process. Needless to say, there are/were many, many outcomes that were disastrous for me and those I love resulting from my 'excellence'.
What I know now is that I and all I encounter are imperfectly perfect. In my more humble, spiritual nature of a recovering person, I can admit I do not know best for another and at times, not even for me. I still gather facts, yet set aside perfection for practical. I'm also truly trying to live One Day at a Time, so if I feel uncertain or pressured, I will take the simpler path - an answer for today that will usually allow me more time for tomorrow/next day.
I am better today at allowing others to make their own decisions, and only offer input when asked. I had to learn in recovery that if I wanted others to respect my boundaries, I needed to respond in kind. My A(s) get really annoyed when I offer unsolicited advice as do others not affected by this disease. So, I am mindful of how I engage with those I care about more mindful that BR of boundaries, mine and others.
I am moved by the quote today as well from As We Understood. . . "When I used to make specific requests (of God), I was so busy waiting for them to be granted that I didn't realize the answers were staring me in the face." This speaks to me!!
I am giddy (my word of the day) that the sun is shining AND the snow is melting! The golf course did not open today (darn it) but hopefully tomorrow. We have a lovely forecast for most of the week - hopeful to get out and golf a few days...I am most peaceful in the outdoors so this will be a nice change considered we've been the frozen tundra for the past few weeks! Joy is my daily goal - finding it and keeping it and not giving it away! (((Hugs)))
Maresie888 said
Feb 22, 2021
Lynne
Thank you so much for your service. I am committed to moving forward. Every day to make small decisions to move forward to a better life. EVERY day is a challenge. A good challenge
SunnyFrogs said
Feb 22, 2021
Hello everyone.
It's always been hard for me to make decisions, especially huge or important ones. I think it's been because of low confidence in myself. I am sure as I progress in this program that will become easier for me.
PK said
Feb 23, 2021
Making decisions is something Ive done even as a child when gathering the neighborhood chums for a game of hopscotch. As I grew older it became one of my strengths, but there was a cost. It cost me lightheartedness, vulnerability and an awareness of what I really wanted. These days most decisions or choices are made from a more relaxed, contemplative place. I give myself more time to mull things over with me and a dear friend thats been a part of al Anon for many years. Thanks for listening and for your shares.
The author of the reading for Monday, 2/22, relates that making decisions were impossible because the imposed standards were too high. They only wanted to make decisions that would get them exactly what they wanted, or they preferred not to make them at all. Over time, the author learned that decisions did not have to be made alone. In fact, many options for help were available: HP, meetings, gut feelings, and ESH from program members. And they eventually decided that decision-making could be one of lifes great adventures, each crossroad bringing a new challenge.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I had a different spin on this subjectI feared making a decision because I was afraid of making the wrong one. And that wrong decision could bring me ridicule, embarrassment, shame, etc. I could then obsess about my bad decision and beat myself up for quite some time. Life used to be so hard.
I just love the positivity of this reading! Its program at work, it makes sense, and ODAT using alanon we can achieve our goals without fear or ridiculous expectations. Grateful member here.
And group time was very limited- at the best of times...
...
Progress not perfection is the slogan that brings to mind. "Do it my way, or not at all". "My way, or the railway!"
I resisted these impulses myself- very much so. But they are very much the culture i sprung from.
The mind along cannot shift the effect. Patience, contemplation, handing over to dear sweet HP... desperation too!
I have had a massive hole in my back yard. 2.5 years deep, and across. To soak storm water away. 18 months there.
[Having a breather from carting in smooth round rocks right now!
.]
But we had a sad series of leaks. From the roof. And twice up through the concrete floor. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
Not to mention the cost- letting the exchequer build up again.
And the more immediate issues. But the time has arrived when I am able to tackle this one.
A metaphor for my life, really...
...
Grateful too, Lyne... sigh... sob... thanks so much...
...
I had a tendency, in my younger days, to obsess about difficult decisions as well, mostly that I would rue the day,
if they were bad ones, but in the midst of the alcoholic chaos I have allowed it to cause me to make hasty and irrational
decisions. Allowing the chaos to cloud my judgement and perspective. Since Al-Anon I have discovered that my lack of
patience and fear were driving my quick decision making skills and have come to realize that working on my personal
perspective was a much clearer way to finding the facts that I needed to make a more comfortable decision or not.
Not making a decision was not in my realm years ago, so I have come along way with this program!
Good morning, all. Daffodils/Eileen -- I am so glad that you shared and feel comfortable joining in. I believe everyone who joins the discussion makes us a stronger community.
I too remember making decisions based on others' expectations, or what I thought were their expectations. I remember the day a therapist said to me, "All I hear you saying is what HE thinks. What do YOU think?" And I was totally flummoxed -- I had never thought of that before, it was like a foreign language, an idea from another planet. I remember the day, many years later, when I realized in Al-Anon that the journey I was embarking on was about my own recovery. What a concept!
Today I am deciding to have a good day! I wish the same to all of you.
Eileen - I too am glad you stepped out of 'the shadows' and joined us. I got a chuckle out of the 'creepy crawler' mention - made me literally laugh out loud!
BR (Before Recovery), I considered myself an 'excellent' decision-maker. Of course, that grading was based on the insanity this disease brings and my drive to want/need perfect(ion). So, I would gather ALL the facts and proceed accordingly. Unfortunately, what I didn't know then that I am more aware of now is I considered my feelings as facts, thus they always entered the process. Needless to say, there are/were many, many outcomes that were disastrous for me and those I love resulting from my 'excellence'.
What I know now is that I and all I encounter are imperfectly perfect. In my more humble, spiritual nature of a recovering person, I can admit I do not know best for another and at times, not even for me. I still gather facts, yet set aside perfection for practical. I'm also truly trying to live One Day at a Time, so if I feel uncertain or pressured, I will take the simpler path - an answer for today that will usually allow me more time for tomorrow/next day.
I am better today at allowing others to make their own decisions, and only offer input when asked. I had to learn in recovery that if I wanted others to respect my boundaries, I needed to respond in kind. My A(s) get really annoyed when I offer unsolicited advice as do others not affected by this disease. So, I am mindful of how I engage with those I care about more mindful that BR of boundaries, mine and others.
I am moved by the quote today as well from As We Understood. . . "When I used to make specific requests (of God), I was so busy waiting for them to be granted that I didn't realize the answers were staring me in the face." This speaks to me!!
I am giddy (my word of the day) that the sun is shining AND the snow is melting! The golf course did not open today (darn it) but hopefully tomorrow. We have a lovely forecast for most of the week - hopeful to get out and golf a few days...I am most peaceful in the outdoors so this will be a nice change considered we've been the frozen tundra for the past few weeks! Joy is my daily goal - finding it and keeping it and not giving it away! (((Hugs)))
Lynne
Thank you so much for your service. I am committed to moving forward. Every day to make small decisions to move forward to a better life. EVERY day is a challenge. A good challenge
It's always been hard for me to make decisions, especially huge or important ones. I think it's been because of low confidence in myself. I am sure as I progress in this program that will become easier for me.