"A sponsor or trusted Al-Anon friend can help me see that I have value just as I am."
The reading in Courage to Change today is about being an individual/comparing ourselves to others. Each snowflake is different... everyone has a unique thumbprint, and despite our common problems that brings us together in Al-Anon, we are each a unique individual.
The author speaks about comparing themselves to others... they called it a "defect of character." They spoke of how this defect had plagued them all their life, and how it even rolled over into their Al-Anon practice, focusing on how others seemed to be grasping the program more quickly, had the 'right' things to say when they shared, and seemed more popular. They judged themselves using this standard and didn't like how they measured up. They then spoke of how in time, they realized they were like the snowflake and the thumbprint... unique, and they're growth in the program cannot and should not be compared to anyone else's. We are all doing the best we can.
After I read today's C2C reading, I felt it was important to begin with the Reminder. It is my opinion that when many of us come to AL-Anon, we are so broken that we no longer feel like we have any value as a person... our spiritual tanks are empty, and we are barely surviving. Some, like the author and myself, may have had years of not feeling worthy, and even when "working" our programs, we still compare ourselves to others - always with the "Negative Nelly" voice in our heads. After 2 forays into Al-Anon I understand myself better and know that comparison has always been a character defect for me. While "Control" is a flaw that affects others, "Comparison" works to steal myserenity and self-worth. I am grateful that Al-Anon gives me the tools and the support of people who "get it" to help me overcome these character flaws... Step 7: "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."
I want to let the forum members know that I will need to take a break from my Saturday service. I am dealing with family issues and I am feeling completely overwhelmed. Thank you for allowing me to be of Service in this manner. I absolutely love the Dailies, as they are a touchstone for me.
Hoping that you all have a safe, healthy & peaceful weekend!
&
DavidG said
Feb 13, 2021
Thanks for your service here, PnP... ...and i hope things sort out for you- in the long run.
I am not sure if I compare, or not. In the past i would have given 'lip service' to the reading
and passed on. There was a time where I saw the steps going up to an empty space. To a space
where I toppled and fell. And landed back at step one. Maybe the pattern of my life? So then I
pictured the steps like the numbers on the clock. A place where there was peace and continuity.
And, at this point my focus was on steps 10,11,12. Refining and defining my recovery journey.
I see lots and lots of value in the daily readings from our three readers. A lot of my journey I had
brain fog, as I see it now. The readings renew my learning and fuel my insight.
At the same time- if the reading does not fit my day- I feel free to have a personal share, on a topic
of my choosing. Raising an issue, I myself need to address...
...I am no longer a newcomer. It has taken me all these years to realise this. Something I wanted to try,
for this year was to move from Step 12 to Tradition 5.
A part of this had been to link up with a f2f group locally, and with our district assembly. In this neck of
the woods our groups are tiny- and barely surviving.
One thing I didn't know- and wanted to ask, PnP.
Is there someone here, in this group- who allocates slots for people to share from ODAT, C2C and Hope 4 Today?
Thanks.
DavidG.
PosiesandPuppies said
Feb 13, 2021
David - There was a time that I wanted to rush through the Steps. Like I was checking off the boxes... every box checked? Yes? Then my life would right itself... I found out that wasn't the case at all. I can relate to the metaphor of going up the steps to an empty space then toppling and falling.
As for your question: I had asked Iamhere in a PM - since it was this member that had asked me to sub for "their" day once, and I enjoyed that. I just mentioned I noticed Saturday didn't have a poster for the Daily, and could I be of Service there. Thankfully, she said, "Yes."
DavidG said
Feb 13, 2021
...yes, thanks PnP... I guessed that Betty was once the "go-to" person.
And now it is Iam... ...she is a person I respect highly. ...
Debb said
Feb 13, 2021
Thank you PNP for today's reading and to David as well for both your ESH replies.
I can see how comparing yourself to someone else's progress would kind of stall one's own
progress, because now your focus is on someone else's life instead of your own. That is the
beauty of Al-Anon though isn't it? If anyone gets stuck they should talk it out with
members or a sponsor so that they get the constructive input they need to move on and also
to hear that they are not alone. It is common to feel that maybe you are not doing as well as
someone else is, especially in the beginning of their journey with the Steps and Traditions of
Al-Anon.
PNP, sorry that you are having difficulties and hope that you find the time and solutions you need.
I will miss your posts!! {{{HUGS}}}
SunnyFrogs said
Feb 13, 2021
Hi everyone.
I had said in another post that I need to just be grateful for the progress I've made instead of comparing myself to others. I know I need to be patient and keep practicing to get to where I want and need to be. As I do make those little baby steps it's becoming easier to accept and be grateful for where I am right now.
That being said,if it wasn't for comparison and reading how others work the program and the peace and serenity they've been able to attain I wouldn't have made it this far.
So I guess I don't see it as a "defect" since it has been a helpful and positive thing for me.
Maresie888 said
Feb 13, 2021
Dear PnP
I am so grateful for your service. Thank you so much for speaking up for what you need. This may be a time of great stress for you. However your modelling of setting limits is a great boon to those of us who are struggling to manage self xare. Even when you are struggling you are a model for others how to manage life on life's terms
Please take note I admire your humility and tenancity very mucg Self care is at long last the touchstone of my program. I am so glad to see and learn of ways to taje care of myself tactfully and assertively.
Maresie
Iamhere said
Feb 14, 2021
Happy Sunday all - thank you PnP for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your ESH & shares. I could write a novel or 10 on how very damaging competing & comparing has been for my during my entire life. I will not bother, but instead just say that I accept and embrace this is not a good habit/practice for me and at any point I begin or try to compete with another or compare myself/life/program to another, I always, always end up in a place of lost faith, peace and joy.
I did my typical Sunday 'thing' today - which is including the sermon of Joel Osteen. I always hear something of value and then there are times where I wonder if he is in recovery just because the message is either aligned with our suggestions or should be (IMHO). It was called, 'Rule Your Atmosphere' if anyone is interested. For me, I need as many reminders as I can embrace & learn from about how to best maneuver through this thing called life.
Before I came to recovery, I felt I had a 'handle' on what adulting is, what love is, what loyalty is, and I could go on and on and on. It never dawned on me that each of us can have a different definition or belief on the same word/topic and both be correct. I had such black/white thinking, which either drove the competing/comparing or was an output. I don't know which came first, yet I do know that for me, I really, really had to dig deeply within to redesign 'me'. The steps were the process for me that allowed me to examine who I was, who I wanted to be and what can be left behind to get there. I believe for my own program and recovery that most, if not all of my defects are actually just assets exploited.
For example, competing & comparing for me led to self-loathing, self-attacking and self-deprecating. Had I gone through this 'process' to learn, grow and/or change, it wouldn't be so unhealthy. One of the best gifts of recovery for me is the awareness and willingness to be wrong and to learn from every experience in some way - large or small.
Sending you tons of positive energy PnP and hope you'll reach out if you need anything from your MIP family. I'll get the daily covered on Saturdays and we will be sure to keep your seat warm. (((Hugs))) to all.
Today's Reminder:
"A sponsor or trusted Al-Anon friend can help me see that I have value just as I am."
The reading in Courage to Change today is about being an individual/comparing ourselves to others. Each snowflake is different... everyone has a unique thumbprint, and despite our common problems that brings us together in Al-Anon, we are each a unique individual.
The author speaks about comparing themselves to others... they called it a "defect of character." They spoke of how this defect had plagued them all their life, and how it even rolled over into their Al-Anon practice, focusing on how others seemed to be grasping the program more quickly, had the 'right' things to say when they shared, and seemed more popular. They judged themselves using this standard and didn't like how they measured up. They then spoke of how in time, they realized they were like the snowflake and the thumbprint... unique, and they're growth in the program cannot and should not be compared to anyone else's. We are all doing the best we can.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After I read today's C2C reading, I felt it was important to begin with the Reminder. It is my opinion that when many of us come to AL-Anon, we are so broken that we no longer feel like we have any value as a person... our spiritual tanks are empty, and we are barely surviving. Some, like the author and myself, may have had years of not feeling worthy, and even when "working" our programs, we still compare ourselves to others - always with the "Negative Nelly" voice in our heads. After 2 forays into Al-Anon I understand myself better and know that comparison has always been a character defect for me. While "Control" is a flaw that affects others, "Comparison" works to steal my serenity and self-worth. I am grateful that Al-Anon gives me the tools and the support of people who "get it" to help me overcome these character flaws... Step 7: "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."
I want to let the forum members know that I will need to take a break from my Saturday service. I am dealing with family issues and I am feeling completely overwhelmed. Thank you for allowing me to be of Service in this manner. I absolutely love the Dailies, as they are a touchstone for me.
Hoping that you all have a safe, healthy & peaceful weekend!
I am not sure if I compare, or not. In the past i would have given 'lip service' to the reading
and passed on. There was a time where I saw the steps going up to an empty space. To a space
where I toppled and fell. And landed back at step one. Maybe the pattern of my life? So then I
pictured the steps like the numbers on the clock. A place where there was peace and continuity.
And, at this point my focus was on steps 10,11,12. Refining and defining my recovery journey.
I see lots and lots of value in the daily readings from our three readers. A lot of my journey I had
brain fog, as I see it now. The readings renew my learning and fuel my insight.
At the same time- if the reading does not fit my day- I feel free to have a personal share, on a topic
of my choosing. Raising an issue, I myself need to address...
...I am no longer a newcomer. It has taken me all these years to realise this. Something I wanted to try,
for this year was to move from Step 12 to Tradition 5.
A part of this had been to link up with a f2f group locally, and with our district assembly. In this neck of
the woods our groups are tiny- and barely surviving.
One thing I didn't know- and wanted to ask, PnP.
Is there someone here, in this group- who allocates slots for people to share from ODAT, C2C and Hope 4 Today?
Thanks.
DavidG.
David -
There was a time that I wanted to rush through the Steps. Like I was checking off the boxes... every box checked? Yes? Then my life would right itself... I found out that wasn't the case at all. I can relate to the metaphor of going up the steps to an empty space then toppling and falling.
As for your question: I had asked Iamhere in a PM - since it was this member that had asked me to sub for "their" day once, and I enjoyed that. I just mentioned I noticed Saturday didn't have a poster for the Daily, and could I be of Service there. Thankfully, she said, "Yes."
And now it is Iam... ...she is a person I respect highly.
...
I can see how comparing yourself to someone else's progress would kind of stall one's own
progress, because now your focus is on someone else's life instead of your own. That is the
beauty of Al-Anon though isn't it? If anyone gets stuck they should talk it out with
members or a sponsor so that they get the constructive input they need to move on and also
to hear that they are not alone. It is common to feel that maybe you are not doing as well as
someone else is, especially in the beginning of their journey with the Steps and Traditions of
Al-Anon.
PNP, sorry that you are having difficulties and hope that you find the time and solutions you need.
I will miss your posts!! {{{HUGS}}}
Hi everyone.
I had said in another post that I need to just be grateful for the progress I've made instead of comparing myself to others. I know I need to be patient and keep practicing to get to where I want and need to be. As I do make those little baby steps it's becoming easier to accept and be grateful for where I am right now.
That being said,if it wasn't for comparison and reading how others work the program and the peace and serenity they've been able to attain I wouldn't have made it this far.
So I guess I don't see it as a "defect" since it has been a helpful and positive thing for me.
I am so grateful for your service. Thank you so much for speaking up for what you need. This may be a time of great stress for you. However your modelling of setting limits is a great boon to those of us who are struggling to manage self xare. Even when you are struggling you are a model for others how to manage life on life's terms
Please take note I admire your humility and tenancity very mucg Self care is at long last the touchstone of my program. I am so glad to see and learn of ways to taje care of myself tactfully and assertively.
Maresie
I did my typical Sunday 'thing' today - which is including the sermon of Joel Osteen. I always hear something of value and then there are times where I wonder if he is in recovery just because the message is either aligned with our suggestions or should be (IMHO). It was called, 'Rule Your Atmosphere' if anyone is interested. For me, I need as many reminders as I can embrace & learn from about how to best maneuver through this thing called life.
Before I came to recovery, I felt I had a 'handle' on what adulting is, what love is, what loyalty is, and I could go on and on and on. It never dawned on me that each of us can have a different definition or belief on the same word/topic and both be correct. I had such black/white thinking, which either drove the competing/comparing or was an output. I don't know which came first, yet I do know that for me, I really, really had to dig deeply within to redesign 'me'. The steps were the process for me that allowed me to examine who I was, who I wanted to be and what can be left behind to get there. I believe for my own program and recovery that most, if not all of my defects are actually just assets exploited.
For example, competing & comparing for me led to self-loathing, self-attacking and self-deprecating. Had I gone through this 'process' to learn, grow and/or change, it wouldn't be so unhealthy. One of the best gifts of recovery for me is the awareness and willingness to be wrong and to learn from every experience in some way - large or small.
Sending you tons of positive energy PnP and hope you'll reach out if you need anything from your MIP family. I'll get the daily covered on Saturdays and we will be sure to keep your seat warm. (((Hugs))) to all.