Todays reading has to do with how clearly and honestly we see our present circumstances.
The reading goes on to say that we should be at peace and not fall victim to harboring resentment and self-pity.
The reading suggests that when we compare our lives with that of others that it is then that the destructive
emotion of self-pity is allowed to take over.
It is when we take offense from what others do, that we are afflicted with resentment.If we feel what we have
done is right, then depending on the approval/applause of others should be irrelevant.
It is suggested that we should judge our own motives, to evaluate our actions, so that little by little, we can bring
them in line with our own standards and ideals.
Todays Reminder:
Nothing has the power to hurt my feelings and stir up unwholesome emotions in me unless I allow it.I will do what is
given me to do.I will do it as well as I can.That will be my inner security against which all outside battering will be powerless.
Labor not as one who is wretched, nor yet as one who would be pitied or admired.Direct yourself to one thing only, to
put yourself in motion and to check yourself at all times.~ Marcus Aurelius:Meditations
I have to admit this was a hard one, because for the most part I had been emotionally beaten up to think that I was an
unacceptable partner who was not capable of any meaningful interpersonal relationships.So I did a lot of work with
Step 5 and Step 6. I learned that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and stop resenting AH in order too get to
a confidence level where he could not hurt me emotionally anymore.You see the resentment and the self-pity are
roadblocks. I now research my motives and actions going forward in order to know that whatever AH hurls at me,
that it is the disease that is talking and that I am not this bad person he would like me to believe I am.It is not
easy, but I must ask myself, when the chaos begins, what started it and if I said something without using the THINK
tool. Was it thoughtful, helpful, intelligent or/and kind.
Love and light to you all today!!
Lyne said
Jan 21, 2021
This is a great reading and share Debb--thanks for your service! I've made good progress in the pity dept. as I now try to take responsibility for me, my behaviors, and outcomes. Honestly, I often struggle with anger and resentment towards my A, because so much help is available and none is taken. I ask HP to remove my character defects every morning, and I try to see the good my A does, which is plentiful, than focus on the problems. Keeping balanced is a daily challenge, but with program I am making headway. Progress not perfection ODAT.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jan 21, 2021
Thank you Debb for your service ans share.
Like Lyne shared, I ask my HP to remove my defects each day. To help me to sow kindness.
I had to eventually realize that feeling sorry for myself and my situation only hurt my daily well-being. It took a "hot minute" for me to understand this! Oh well, progress not perfection!
Enjoy your day everyone! and
JerryF said
Jan 21, 2021
I remember first when I first saw this wisdom on the board and literature. I was clear and informative and helpful 40 plus years and I still find the daily value in it for my recovery. Thanks ladies for your support. (((hugs)))
DavidG said
Jan 21, 2021
"Get off the pity pot" was the message I heard. "The poor me's".
Much easier said than done. Awareness-acceptance-action. [C2C]
I think I was on that journey for some time. I think I was getting slow improvement along the way...
...willpower, alone wasn't enough... I did need extra help. ...
Thanks Debbs, and y'all...
WendyP said
Jan 21, 2021
Hi, I loved this reading, and try not to get into the Pity Pit, sometimes it is not easy to do. As life and other people are not easy to live with, it's hard to do, and keep up all the time. Because I am a Human Being and not perfect.
Where I am now, today, I don't blame other people, and now that I can't be hurt unless I let others to do that to me. But the truth is that others do hurt me, life hurts me, and I have taken the time, when I am down, I stop and ask myself, " Am I feeling sorry for myself, hurt, or, am I grieving.?"
To me there is a great deal of difference of feeling pity to that of Grieving.
Love Wendy P.
SunnyFrogs said
Jan 21, 2021
I admit there are times I fall deep into self pity. It's usually when I've been triggered and my PTSD symptoms are in high gear. The old helpless, hopeless, "no way out" feelings rear their ugly heads and take me down. Thankfully they don't temd to last very long , not like they used to, I always pull myself back out, pull myself up and carry on. I don't usually wallow in self pity otherwise though,or at least I try not to. I think it's only natural to think sometimes "omg my life sucks, I hate my life", etc. when dealing with an A. I think it would be pretty abnormal to not think or feel that way at times actually.
And resentment, I am still working on that one and most likely always will have to work at it. I can get myself so worked up with my own thoughts of all the things that have hurt me or upset me. Lately I have been trying to get busy doing something when I'm starting to let my mind go there. I have been meditating way more than usual, listening to podcasts, finding little things to do around the house,anything to keep my mind distracted. One day last week I was so full of resentment(and anger) that I got in the tub and started scrubbing it and cussing, I did that for about an hour straight. By the time I was done I not only felt much better but my tub was spotless. I know I eventually need to face all the resentment head on and deal with it, maybe with the help of a professional, but for right now I am just trying to avoid and distract from it.
I am a work in progress. Slowly but surely....
Debb said
Jan 21, 2021
God, I know it is so so hard to lose the resentment.
I do struggle with it everyday. I promise myself each morning when I wake, after I say my prayers, that
I am going to use this new day as a clean slate. Then I have to face AH and I'm reminded that I have to
stay quiet, because anything I say might be misunderstood and create chaos. I think to myself, this really
is a lousy way to live. I then depart to Steps 1 & 2 and then Steps 5 & 6 to remind myself that this is not
a good way to live, that I have my HP, my friends, life & Al-Anon. I have my health to think about and my cat
that I just adore. There are so many things that I can be proud of that I have done throughout my life
that AH can never take away from me. Two beautiful and successful children that I am so proud of. So
each day is a struggle, just like everyone who has shared here, there is no perfect way to do this, but there is
a right way that each of us can work towards in our own way thanks to Al-Anon. {{HUGS}}
-- Edited by Debb on Thursday 21st of January 2021 09:14:58 PM
SunnyFrogs said
Jan 22, 2021
I'm sorry you seem to go through the same as I do Debb.
It's hard,it really is.
Debb said
Jan 22, 2021
SF, thank you but you do not need to feel sorry for me!! I totally can
relate to your circumstances, that is why I share, because you will see
that it is not unusual, hard, but not unusual and we are here for each
other, all of us ODAT. {{HUGS}}
Iamhere said
Jan 22, 2021
Thank you Debb for your service. It's been a long cycle for me of competing and comparing my insides to what others show me on the outside. That practice fed my thinking and feeling that I truly did have it worse than others on a regular basis. Thus, I spent a ton of time having pity parties, and truly believing I had the worse life, marriage, husband, kids, etc. in 'the world'...
Recovery helped me find my sanity in this area, and so many other areas. What I know now is that all humans carry baggage and burden; nobody has it easy/perfect. We all have hills and valleys, and my experience is no better or worse than another. The longer I spend comparing/competing with others and/or in self-pity, the more I am moving away from my spiritual axiom. That's my happy place - when I am able to practice unconditional acceptance & love and truly place my trust in my HP that what is ... is exactly what's supposed to be.
My best action/tools for self-pity, resentments & blaming of others is gratitude lists and acceptance. At any point that I wonder if my life is 'the worst', I am usually reminding by taking action or being of service that others are suffering too. It is without fail that when I am shown my life is truly pretty darn good when I'm in the present and focused on me. I am human and I have my moments of doubt, insecurity, etc. and I am also grateful for this program that gives me tools to help me get to a better place, over & over again.
I don't like to visit that place of self-pity and extreme sadness for long. It tends to lead to unhealthy thinking and a waste of my energy. I really believe now, as I age, that we only get one shot at this thing called life and recovery reminds I have choices how I do, live, love and experience this thing called life. Grateful for the shares, grateful for the ESH & grateful for Al-Anon.
Love & Light all - it's been a busy week here between volunteering at the golf course and chasing down vaccines for my parents and husband in 2 different states. Glad you're all here and glad you're a part of my journey!
Maresie888 said
Jan 23, 2021
Well I am pretty much up against the wall
Got a huge bill
Working overtime to pay it
New therapist
New grief grouo
Lots of new
And lots of the same old
That is the same routine, same challenges, no dog (still at my friends house)
No money and no social life
Doing better with boundaries
All the reasons to dive into.self pity but not going there
Have also had huge break throughs on insights. Major improvements
SunnyFrogs said
Jan 23, 2021
Thanks @Debb
It actually does help so much when we realize we're not alone in what we go through. I am grateful that others can be open and honest here and share their expereinces.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jan 23, 2021
"To me there is a great deal of difference of feeling pity to that of Grieving."
I felt that this sentence by WendyP needed to be highlighted. Because I have recently come to the awareness that my particular "pity pot" is about grieving for my old life. My marriage of 29 years. Who helped me with this awareness? Why, my sponsor of course! It took someone who was outside of me (my thoughts and memories) to point this out.
It's been 2 years since the divorce was finalized, and I can still grieve. Who knew? (Well, I guess my sponsor knew! )
I appreciate this thread and everyone's wisdom!
&
bud said
Jan 23, 2021
Great topic and shares!
This nails my triggers as of late... and then my story-telling starts (I weave a great yarn and then convince myself it's true ). This post and thread help so much, as beating myself up and being grumpy for feeling "less than" has been surfacing a lot...
and when I slow down, I feel grateful - I have many blessings to count, even though life in general feels far from perfect - it is in the slow moments with a quiet mind that I am able to feel self-love.
Debb said
Feb 11, 2021
Since this post, I've been seeking and researching a better answer to dealing with my resentment.
When I hand them over to my HP that is when I got relief. I literally did not know I could do that.
Step 2. says "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
Step 6. says "We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." and
Step 7. says "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."
I thought that asking to remove our shortcomings and defects was just that, asking, I did not
know that I could hand over those resentments over to him/her to discard. Quiet an effective
mental exercise with immediate results I may add!
At first I was like, how can it give my ugly resentments to HP??? But little did I know is that
he/she wants them! I am simply amazed and need to share this.
DavidG said
Feb 11, 2021
Lovely share, Debb... a subtle but succinct insight.
Todays reading has to do with how clearly and honestly we see our present circumstances.
The reading goes on to say that we should be at peace and not fall victim to harboring resentment and self-pity.
The reading suggests that when we compare our lives with that of others that it is then that the destructive
emotion of self-pity is allowed to take over.
It is when we take offense from what others do, that we are afflicted with resentment. If we feel what we have
done is right, then depending on the approval/applause of others should be irrelevant.
It is suggested that we should judge our own motives, to evaluate our actions, so that little by little, we can bring
them in line with our own standards and ideals.
Todays Reminder:
Nothing has the power to hurt my feelings and stir up unwholesome emotions in me unless I allow it. I will do what is
given me to do. I will do it as well as I can. That will be my inner security against which all outside battering will be powerless.
Labor not as one who is wretched, nor yet as one who would be pitied or admired. Direct yourself to one thing only, to
put yourself in motion and to check yourself at all times. ~ Marcus Aurelius: Meditations
I have to admit this was a hard one, because for the most part I had been emotionally beaten up to think that I was an
unacceptable partner who was not capable of any meaningful interpersonal relationships. So I did a lot of work with
Step 5 and Step 6. I learned that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and stop resenting AH in order too get to
a confidence level where he could not hurt me emotionally anymore. You see the resentment and the self-pity are
roadblocks. I now research my motives and actions going forward in order to know that whatever AH hurls at me,
that it is the disease that is talking and that I am not this bad person he would like me to believe I am. It is not
easy, but I must ask myself, when the chaos begins, what started it and if I said something without using the THINK
tool. Was it thoughtful, helpful, intelligent or/and kind.
Love and light to you all today!!
Like Lyne shared, I ask my HP to remove my defects each day. To help me to sow kindness.
I had to eventually realize that feeling sorry for myself and my situation only hurt my daily well-being. It took a "hot minute" for me to understand this! Oh well, progress not perfection!
Enjoy your day everyone!
I remember first when I first saw this wisdom on the board and literature. I was clear and informative and helpful 40 plus years and I still find the daily value in it for my recovery. Thanks ladies for your support. (((hugs)))
Much easier said than done. Awareness-acceptance-action. [C2C]
I think I was on that journey for some time. I think I was getting slow improvement along the way...
...willpower, alone wasn't enough... I did need extra help.
...
Hi, I loved this reading, and try not to get into the Pity Pit, sometimes it is not easy to do. As life and other people are not easy to live with, it's hard to do, and keep up all the time. Because I am a Human Being and not perfect.
Where I am now, today, I don't blame other people, and now that I can't be hurt unless I let others to do that to me. But the truth is that others do hurt me, life hurts me, and I have taken the time, when I am down, I stop and ask myself, " Am I feeling sorry for myself, hurt, or, am I grieving.?"
To me there is a great deal of difference of feeling pity to that of Grieving.
Love Wendy P.
And resentment, I am still working on that one and most likely always will have to work at it. I can get myself so worked up with my own thoughts of all the things that have hurt me or upset me. Lately I have been trying to get busy doing something when I'm starting to let my mind go there. I have been meditating way more than usual, listening to podcasts, finding little things to do around the house,anything to keep my mind distracted. One day last week I was so full of resentment(and anger) that I got in the tub and started scrubbing it and cussing, I did that for about an hour straight. By the time I was done I not only felt much better but my tub was spotless. I know I eventually need to face all the resentment head on and deal with it, maybe with the help of a professional, but for right now I am just trying to avoid and distract from it.
I am a work in progress. Slowly but surely....
God, I know it is so so hard to lose the resentment.
I do struggle with it everyday. I promise myself each morning when I wake, after I say my prayers, that
I am going to use this new day as a clean slate. Then I have to face AH and I'm reminded that I have to
stay quiet, because anything I say might be misunderstood and create chaos. I think to myself, this really
is a lousy way to live. I then depart to Steps 1 & 2 and then Steps 5 & 6 to remind myself that this is not
a good way to live, that I have my HP, my friends, life & Al-Anon. I have my health to think about and my cat
that I just adore. There are so many things that I can be proud of that I have done throughout my life
that AH can never take away from me. Two beautiful and successful children that I am so proud of. So
each day is a struggle, just like everyone who has shared here, there is no perfect way to do this, but there is
a right way that each of us can work towards in our own way thanks to Al-Anon. {{HUGS}}
-- Edited by Debb on Thursday 21st of January 2021 09:14:58 PM
It's hard,it really is.
relate to your circumstances, that is why I share, because you will see
that it is not unusual, hard, but not unusual and we are here for each
other, all of us ODAT. {{HUGS}}
Recovery helped me find my sanity in this area, and so many other areas. What I know now is that all humans carry baggage and burden; nobody has it easy/perfect. We all have hills and valleys, and my experience is no better or worse than another. The longer I spend comparing/competing with others and/or in self-pity, the more I am moving away from my spiritual axiom. That's my happy place - when I am able to practice unconditional acceptance & love and truly place my trust in my HP that what is ... is exactly what's supposed to be.
My best action/tools for self-pity, resentments & blaming of others is gratitude lists and acceptance. At any point that I wonder if my life is 'the worst', I am usually reminding by taking action or being of service that others are suffering too. It is without fail that when I am shown my life is truly pretty darn good when I'm in the present and focused on me. I am human and I have my moments of doubt, insecurity, etc. and I am also grateful for this program that gives me tools to help me get to a better place, over & over again.
I don't like to visit that place of self-pity and extreme sadness for long. It tends to lead to unhealthy thinking and a waste of my energy. I really believe now, as I age, that we only get one shot at this thing called life and recovery reminds I have choices how I do, live, love and experience this thing called life. Grateful for the shares, grateful for the ESH & grateful for Al-Anon.
Love & Light all - it's been a busy week here between volunteering at the golf course and chasing down vaccines for my parents and husband in 2 different states. Glad you're all here and glad you're a part of my journey!
Well I am pretty much up against the wall
Got a huge bill
Working overtime to pay it
New therapist
New grief grouo
Lots of new
And lots of the same old
That is the same routine, same challenges, no dog (still at my friends house)
No money and no social life
Doing better with boundaries
All the reasons to dive into.self pity but not going there
Have also had huge break throughs on insights. Major improvements
It actually does help so much when we realize we're not alone in what we go through. I am grateful that others can be open and honest here and share their expereinces.
"To me there is a great deal of difference of feeling pity to that of Grieving."
I felt that this sentence by WendyP needed to be highlighted. Because I have recently come to the awareness that my particular "pity pot" is about grieving for my old life. My marriage of 29 years. Who helped me with this awareness? Why, my sponsor of course! It took someone who was outside of me (my thoughts and memories) to point this out.
It's been 2 years since the divorce was finalized, and I can still grieve. Who knew? (Well, I guess my sponsor knew!
)
I appreciate this thread and everyone's wisdom!
This nails my triggers as of late... and then my story-telling starts (I weave a great yarn and then convince myself it's true
and when I slow down, I feel grateful - I have many blessings to count, even though life in general feels far from perfect - it is in the slow moments with a quiet mind that I am able to feel self-love.
When I hand them over to my HP that is when I got relief. I literally did not know I could do that.
Step 2. says "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
Step 6. says "We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." and
Step 7. says "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."
I thought that asking to remove our shortcomings and defects was just that, asking, I did not
know that I could hand over those resentments over to him/her to discard. Quiet an effective
mental exercise with immediate results I may add!
At first I was like, how can it give my ugly resentments to HP??? But little did I know is that
he/she wants them! I am simply amazed and need to share this.
Gr8 use of the steps- thanks, ma'am...
...