There are now some new technical terms to describe some of our issues in recovery
One of them is #backdraft# that is when we start applying boundaries, regulating our emotions and doing better self care we sometimes have to deal with even more symptoms
The other issue of course is when we begin to set boundaries with certain people they resist more
So for me personally when I push hard on my recovery which I have been able to do this month the results will not ge instant
I am constantly working on my boundaries. Even the small adjustments are difficult. People do not respond well to boundaries. One way I had to do boundaries was to be irritable and set boundaries by default. Well tine to throw that one out I am not willing to give people ammunition
In some ways it can be fun
When my boundary radar is going off I get to try different responses. Certain people do not let up
Well now I.have different ways to respond to
What a gift to have fun in recovery!
Maresie
SunnyFrogs said
Jan 20, 2021
Sorry I missed this somehow.
I've not heard the term "backdraft" before, I've heard of backlash though,maybe that's the same thing?
Setting and keeping boundaries is hard, especially with those that are,and have been,a part of our daily life for so long. They want things to always stay the same. And they will do and say whatever they can to keep things the same.
I'm glad you're having fun with boundaries and recovery. I'm sure not finding it fun at all but it does feel empowering when I set boundaries and keep them.
Debb said
Jan 21, 2021
I hear you Maresie, when I keep to myself AH gets edgy because he has no
excuse to rant. I find this situation, the peace, something I am not willing
to go back on.
DavidG said
Jan 21, 2021
Good topic Maresie. I found many of the concepts we use have different names for the same thing.
I might say also: "resistance". Understanding our journey is essential... ...
Lyne said
Jan 22, 2021
Interesting to hear new terms in recovery. To me, boundaries = limit setting. I have many opportunities to practice, not only with my A but now with a hormonal, pre-teen granddaughter. Years ago I did not have these tools. I felt run over by a freight train that I did not know how to stop, over and over and over again. No more! Things have changed. Grateful member. :)
bud said
Jan 23, 2021
Great topic Maresie and loved the shares! I was unaware of the term, but I have felt it many times in my life.
Boundaries are hard for me too... I feel the fear and do them anyway. When the other person resists, it gets mighty uncomfortable. I notice that some people act wounded and retaliate, which hurts.
Today, I take a deep breath in and let it go as I ask my HP to put me where he wants me. I know I do not want to generally feel uncomfortable with people that I choose to surround myself with. Today I told myself that it no longer seems like the good friendship, but rather one of convenience ... and it's ok... time to direct my energy and attention to the things that truly matter.
I am grateful.
Maresie888 said
Jan 23, 2021
Odlly enough some people who talk about boumdaries are the ones who lash out when you.set a boundsry with them
Funny how that is
Now I expect that
You have to give up.people pleasing when you have boundaries
Maresie
Maresie888 said
Jan 24, 2021
I think the issue with boumdaries for me is that on some level the fawn response worked
Indeed I think in many respects the fawn response was the best I could do.
Now I have to move beyond people pleasing
So much of boundary making is non verbal and a constant negotiation with myself
Maresie888 said
Jan 24, 2021
Backdraft is about sometimes as we get better we suddenlymstart to feel worse.
For example the more I dive into the issues I haf with the qualufier the harder it is. I am tremendously sad I was bullied. I am sad I did not have a partner. I am sad that I did not have skills to draw on.
In many ways the more boundaried I am with the former roommate the worse I feel. His behavior used to be terribly triggering for me
So now I am in another space, a better space but for a time it hurts to be there. Backdraft has been called the beginning of healing
There are now some new technical terms to describe some of our issues in recovery
One of them is #backdraft# that is when we start applying boundaries, regulating our emotions and doing better self care we sometimes have to deal with even more symptoms
The other issue of course is when we begin to set boundaries with certain people they resist more
So for me personally when I push hard on my recovery which I have been able to do this month the results will not ge instant
I am constantly working on my boundaries. Even the small adjustments are difficult. People do not respond well to boundaries. One way I had to do boundaries was to be irritable and set boundaries by default. Well tine to throw that one out I am not willing to give people ammunition
In some ways it can be fun
When my boundary radar is going off I get to try different responses. Certain people do not let up
Well now I.have different ways to respond to
What a gift to have fun in recovery!
Maresie
I've not heard the term "backdraft" before, I've heard of backlash though,maybe that's the same thing?
Setting and keeping boundaries is hard, especially with those that are,and have been,a part of our daily life for so long. They want things to always stay the same. And they will do and say whatever they can to keep things the same.
I'm glad you're having fun with boundaries and recovery. I'm sure not finding it fun at all but it does feel empowering when I set boundaries and keep them.
excuse to rant. I find this situation, the peace, something I am not willing
to go back on.
I might say also: "resistance". Understanding our journey is essential...
...
Boundaries are hard for me too... I feel the fear and do them anyway. When the other person resists, it gets mighty uncomfortable. I notice that some people act wounded and retaliate, which hurts.
Today, I take a deep breath in and let it go as I ask my HP to put me where he wants me. I know I do not want to generally feel uncomfortable with people that I choose to surround myself with. Today I told myself that it no longer seems like the good friendship, but rather one of convenience ... and it's ok... time to direct my energy and attention to the things that truly matter.
I am grateful.
Odlly enough some people who talk about boumdaries are the ones who lash out when you.set a boundsry with them
Funny how that is
Now I expect that
You have to give up.people pleasing when you have boundaries
Maresie
Indeed I think in many respects the fawn response was the best I could do.
Now I have to move beyond people pleasing
So much of boundary making is non verbal and a constant negotiation with myself
For example the more I dive into the issues I haf with the qualufier the harder it is. I am tremendously sad I was bullied. I am sad I did not have a partner. I am sad that I did not have skills to draw on.
In many ways the more boundaried I am with the former roommate the worse I feel. His behavior used to be terribly triggering for me
So now I am in another space, a better space but for a time it hurts to be there. Backdraft has been called the beginning of healing
Maresie