I hope I'm not breaking some rule about who can post daily readings and who can't, but I thought that since DavidG had mentioned that he was going to study Tradition 5 next year, and this reading was about Tradition 5, I didn't want to pass up the chance to write a post about it.
Tradition 5: Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.
Traditions are meant to be applied personally as well as to the group. This passage points out that the character defect of resentment can best be transformed into something positive by using compassion. How do we demonstrate compassion to ourselves and our loved one? We practice the principles of the program. Compassion needs to start with ourselves, and then it can flow out to others when we are forgiving of ourselves. The slogan 'Progress not Perfection' can be used if we are being too hard on ourselves. Welcoming newcomer's is also a way we can show the compassion that was shown to us when we first came into the program.
Working the Steps is another way I can be compassionate with myself and others. As I work the steps and understand the disease of alcoholism I become more compassionate towards the alcoholic and can learn to hate the disease and not the person. The reading points out that we become so full of compassion for others that it wells up inside of us and spills out onto others. In other words the program "works if you work it', a favorite saying of mine.
Compassion towards the alcoholic is not easy. They give us every reason to not show compassion to them, yet the fact that they are suffering from a disease should help us to demonstrate compassion towards them. For myself the only way to do that is to attend meetings, read the literature and come here to MIP and read the posts that you fine people share.
-- Edited by Overcome on Tuesday 8th of December 2020 06:45:46 PM
DavidG said
Dec 8, 2020
Lovely share, Overcome...
...I wanted to describe a part of my journey...
I don't think it is the literature- but, for me it is the pathway between compassion and empathy. I had lots and loads of compassion but it was all burnt up- by the A. and those he influenced. I was taken advantage of. Was used somewhat, but let it happen because i believed that people would love me if I loved them.
I began to let go and show compassion to myself too. I began to look after me- not in a selfish way, but in a self-caring way.
People around me began to respect me more- because I demonstrated the power of change- instead of trying to change everything around me, except for my lost self. ...
I used to worry a lot about when, or how, it was appropriate to share here.
I feel a powerful group conscience here... all the time now. I know for sure that if I got right out of line, or out of whack, someone would quietly PM me and let me know. Respect. Character.
I notice, with pride that the traffic into our group is steadily building. Members are sticking around. Old members are dropping back in. I think that this is what matters. ...
Let it begin with me... ...
Maresie888 said
Dec 10, 2020
I know for ne the issue is do they want to be helped?
My younger sister may never admot she has a problem
Certainly the qualifier never spoke about his addiction
His illnesses (one of thrm being related to his addiction)
certsinly
For me one of the ways I managed ny depression was being heroic tio others. Heroic going to get my sister when she ran away from home. None of my family ever mention it
Heroic taking care of the qualifier after I left him
Admittedly I had to resolve some issues with the dogs we had. I had to take them on.
Neverthelesss I went out of the way to help him. He certainly had been really abusive towards me by then
I had a lot of loose ends I had to resolve but I didnt have to take care of him as much as I did.
Eventually he went and dumoed himself on one of his Uncles
His Uncle knew what he was taking on.
Now I am far less heroic. Measurably so. However I neec to be heroic to myself
Maresie
Overcome said
Dec 10, 2020
After reading the responses to my post I think it warrants saying that compassion for the alcoholic and enabling the alcoholic are two different things. We can have compassion for the alcoholic by detaching with love and setting good boundaries. This keeps us from enabling the alcoholic and doing things that they could do for themselves, but rely on us to do for them if we let them. Having compassion for the alcoholic is the difference between stepping over them passed out on the floor, leaving them there to suffer the consequences of their choices and putting a blanket over them as we are stepping over them and leaving them on the floor. (This is an example given in one of our daily devotionals on the difference between 'detaching' and 'detaching with love.' The latter involves compassion.
I hope I'm not breaking some rule about who can post daily readings and who can't, but I thought that since DavidG had mentioned that he was going to study Tradition 5 next year, and this reading was about Tradition 5, I didn't want to pass up the chance to write a post about it.
Tradition 5: Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.
Traditions are meant to be applied personally as well as to the group. This passage points out that the character defect of resentment can best be transformed into something positive by using compassion. How do we demonstrate compassion to ourselves and our loved one? We practice the principles of the program. Compassion needs to start with ourselves, and then it can flow out to others when we are forgiving of ourselves. The slogan 'Progress not Perfection' can be used if we are being too hard on ourselves. Welcoming newcomer's is also a way we can show the compassion that was shown to us when we first came into the program.
Working the Steps is another way I can be compassionate with myself and others. As I work the steps and understand the disease of alcoholism I become more compassionate towards the alcoholic and can learn to hate the disease and not the person. The reading points out that we become so full of compassion for others that it wells up inside of us and spills out onto others. In other words the program "works if you work it', a favorite saying of mine.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Compassion towards the alcoholic is not easy. They give us every reason to not show compassion to them, yet the fact that they are suffering from a disease should help us to demonstrate compassion towards them. For myself the only way to do that is to attend meetings, read the literature and come here to MIP and read the posts that you fine people share.
-- Edited by Overcome on Tuesday 8th of December 2020 06:45:46 PM
...I wanted to describe a part of my journey...
I don't think it is the literature- but, for me it is the pathway between compassion and empathy. I had lots and loads of compassion but it was all burnt up- by the A. and those he influenced. I was taken advantage of. Was used somewhat, but let it happen because i believed that people would love me if I loved them.
I began to let go and show compassion to myself too. I began to look after me- not in a selfish way, but in a self-caring way.
People around me began to respect me more- because I demonstrated the power of change- instead of trying to change everything around me, except for my lost self.
...
I used to worry a lot about when, or how, it was appropriate to share here.
I feel a powerful group conscience here... all the time now. I know for sure that if I got right out of line, or out of whack, someone would quietly PM me and let me know. Respect. Character.
I notice, with pride that the traffic into our group is steadily building. Members are sticking around. Old members are dropping back in. I think that this is what matters.
...
Let it begin with me...
...
I know for ne the issue is do they want to be helped?
My younger sister may never admot she has a problem
Certainly the qualifier never spoke about his addiction
His illnesses (one of thrm being related to his addiction)
certsinly
For me one of the ways I managed ny depression was being heroic tio others. Heroic going to get my sister when she ran away from home. None of my family ever mention it
Heroic taking care of the qualifier after I left him
Admittedly I had to resolve some issues with the dogs we had. I had to take them on.
Neverthelesss I went out of the way to help him. He certainly had been really abusive towards me by then
I had a lot of loose ends I had to resolve but I didnt have to take care of him as much as I did.
Eventually he went and dumoed himself on one of his Uncles
His Uncle knew what he was taking on.
Now I am far less heroic. Measurably so. However I neec to be heroic to myself
Maresie