I appreciate that AA came up with various slogans and I have had to learn to interpret them.  Everyday the bv wisdom of those slogans is a comfort to me. 

There is being paralyzed by fear which is obviously very clearly possible in.a pandemic. Then there is a healthy fear

I work at night. Due  to day light saving it is pretty dark at night. I am out in  semi rural area so certainly walking around at night i have to proceed cautiously.  I have to share this earth with others 

For those of us who come from a traumatic childhoox there is no proceed cautiously. Every day in my family of origin I had to deal with violent chaotic responses from my parents and indeed my siblings so there  was no safe harbor. 

 There is not much safe about being out inthe middle of the night 

I hve had to learn how to navigate the new normal of the pandemic. That means negotiating difficult situations daily.  Nothing is a given. Sometimes I do well with that. Al anon has helped me to learn how to forgive myself rather than beat kyself up or compare. Oh the pain of comparison!!  I have also had to learn to forgive myself for even considering interacting with vicious abusiv e peopl e who lash out and call people names. Their attack response can of course be understood in  a shame based concept.  Nevertheless having people lash out at me is no longer the normal  everyday experience for me.  Now it is the abnormal so I have to.adapt. 

I am far far far better at adapting one year in.  So much better so much more flexible. 

Thank you 

Maresie 

This week I have had good news abd bsd news. In the past it  would have been all bad news. 

Everything would return to ashes 

Now I can have good and bad. I.have the confidence to take care of myself 

I also have more  tools. I.cannot sut on my laureals 

I was listening to a lecture about depression. Depression being an in ability  to have pleasue in anything.  I am a long way from that. 

I am also of course very curious.   i am a voracious reader.

I try to push myself forward 

I am optimistic and pragmatic. 

I have faith. I had none before 

I also have trust in myself. I do not throw that trust around easily 

I gave my trust to.others in some kind of blind faith fantasy before

Progress not oerfection. 

Maresie