Today's Courage to Change page notes the value of coming to AlAnon and being heard after perhaps feeling trapped, desperate, and isolated. A healthy balance eventually emerges when our shares do not dominate meeting time or dive into deeply personal matters.
The Traditions suggest that the wellbeing of the group must come before an individual's need or wish to continue oversharing. This is where the value of a sponsor may come in: an opportunity to discuss a topic or personal issue more in depth without holding the group captive.
Reminder: Our needs are important and should not be ignored, but we may make use of the program more fully to ensure ours are met in a way that also allows all to benefit from the program and share their experience, strength, and hope.
Quote: "Personal details are better left to a Sponsor who can lend a consistent ear and keep a confidence - someone who knows all about you and accepts you as you are." - Sponsorship - What It's All About
---------------- AlAnon works because there is a place for everyone, a place where we are all equals. Our needs are not always measurably consistent and we may face times where we want or need more time than our meeting or space can provide.
This is where the fellowship side of the program can serve us well as we are able to dive deeper on a topic or troubling issue with a sponsor trusted friend in the program who may share valuable ESH.
Great reminder that we are not alone, there are always resources available through AlANon fellowship, and above all, our higher power is always there for us
Lyne said
Nov 3, 2020
Thank you Paul for your service and share. The ESH I have recvd from programs many resources has been invaluable. I do use a sponsor for my more personal issues. I was without one for several months after Bettys death, and it is helpful to have that special person again with whom I can dig a little deeper with. It is amazing that should I be in a horrible emotional place, there are many people, including the board, where I can reach out for support. Grateful member, Lyne
Freetime said
Nov 3, 2020
Thank you, Paul, for your service. I love how today's reading, like all of our literature, demonstrates a balanced attitude. For example, the differences between oversharing, sharing, and not sharing in a meeting -- and the alternatives we have, such as "oversharing" with a sponsor.
Certainly when I came into Al-Anon I felt trapped, desperate, and isolated. I shared at my first meeting, but I have no idea for how long. I'm pretty sure I didn't dominate, though, because this was a very healthy meeting where people would have known how to handle that. And I try to be understanding and forgiving when sometimes people go "Al-anon and on and on" with their share.
I heard somewhere -- maybe I heard it here -- to bring the "message" to our meeting and the "mess" to our sponsor.
Lyne, I too am so thrilled that I have a wonderful new sponsor who is helping me dig deeper (and not deeper into a hole of despair)!
-- Edited by Freetime on Tuesday 3rd of November 2020 02:04:13 PM
DavidG said
Nov 3, 2020
I agree and disagree with this reading. "It Depends".
My first group was like all-in wrestling. We were all discovering.
We read about the "poor me's" and the "pity pot" and the "pity party".
I cried out [inwardly]- I imperfectly entitled to my victimhood!
Actually- as i got better in myself- I had to address my oversharing. In another of these MIP I clocked up over 10,000 shares. And I needed all of these to find my feet, and to find myself.
I often feel that some groups should go out to 90 minutes.
That a large group could have three or four meetings a week- so each member gets a chance to attend,
and that over time, all who choose to get to share.
I like the model that our member Iam talks about with her group[s]- which meets the needs of all. Newcomers. People struggling through the steps, and older timers. Flexible.
I believe that there is always a certain amount of anxiety- in what we share, and when, and who with.
And thanks for this share, Paul, and Freetime, and Lyne.
I feel privileged to be here.
Iamhere said
Nov 3, 2020
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. I love to watch one grow in recovery - from the first meeting to finding their seat at the table and the change in the sharing. So many, myself included, don't share at the start - fearful of being judged or shushed or .... What kept me quiet was extreme mental confusion - my brain was on overdrive and quite honestly, I was afraid to start sharing fearing I'd never stop! I knew I did not want that to happen and truly don't like to be an over-sharer or the center of attention. I stayed silent and practiced listening simply because that's what I needed to do.
Balance is such a simple concept and one that I can struggle with when/if I am not spiritually fit. I am so not great at it yet all feels much closer when I just do what is suggested in our program. Getting and using a sponsor does help keep me balanced. Starting my day with prayer & meditation & a daily reader does help keep me balanced. Embracing what is instead of focusing on what was or what might be helps keep me balanced. I am reminded of what I was told early on - we each get to work this program in our own time and using the tools best suited for us....at the same time, each time you (meaning I) return to Iam's will, you will struggle, perhaps even slip. It's so important for me to continuously self-asses what is happening with me, within me - how I am seeing other people, places & things vs. the reality or facts.
You all know I'm a big believer in using the Pause button. It's served me so, so well simply because my first thought when faced with life on life's terms isn't usually the best or healthiest. I still can go right to defensive or justification as I still can take things personally. For me, a sponsor has been simply golden to help me see that how I see things quite often isn't balance, fair or even accurate. I stay most sane and balanced when I'm working the program, as designed with a sponsor who came before me...
Love and light all - we're having a great weather week so I spent a big part of the day golfing. I hope you are all having a marvelous day - find and keep your joy - it's a choice!
Today's Courage to Change page notes the value of coming to AlAnon and being heard after perhaps feeling trapped, desperate, and isolated. A healthy balance eventually emerges when our shares do not dominate meeting time or dive into deeply personal matters.
The Traditions suggest that the wellbeing of the group must come before an individual's need or wish to continue oversharing. This is where the value of a sponsor may come in: an opportunity to discuss a topic or personal issue more in depth without holding the group captive.
Reminder: Our needs are important and should not be ignored, but we may make use of the program more fully to ensure ours are met in a way that also allows all to benefit from the program and share their experience, strength, and hope.
Quote: "Personal details are better left to a Sponsor who can lend a consistent ear and keep a confidence - someone who knows all about you and accepts you as you are." - Sponsorship - What It's All About
----------------
AlAnon works because there is a place for everyone, a place where we are all equals. Our needs are not always measurably consistent and we may face times where we want or need more time than our meeting or space can provide.
This is where the fellowship side of the program can serve us well as we are able to dive deeper on a topic or troubling issue with a sponsor trusted friend in the program who may share valuable ESH.
Great reminder that we are not alone, there are always resources available through AlANon fellowship, and above all, our higher power is always there for us
Thank you, Paul, for your service. I love how today's reading, like all of our literature, demonstrates a balanced attitude. For example, the differences between oversharing, sharing, and not sharing in a meeting -- and the alternatives we have, such as "oversharing" with a sponsor.
Certainly when I came into Al-Anon I felt trapped, desperate, and isolated. I shared at my first meeting, but I have no idea for how long. I'm pretty sure I didn't dominate, though, because this was a very healthy meeting where people would have known how to handle that. And I try to be understanding and forgiving when sometimes people go "Al-anon and on and on" with their share.
I heard somewhere -- maybe I heard it here -- to bring the "message" to our meeting and the "mess" to our sponsor.
Lyne, I too am so thrilled that I have a wonderful new sponsor who is helping me dig deeper (and not deeper into a hole of despair)!
-- Edited by Freetime on Tuesday 3rd of November 2020 02:04:13 PM
My first group was like all-in wrestling. We were all discovering.
We read about the "poor me's" and the "pity pot" and the "pity party".
I cried out [inwardly]- I imperfectly entitled to my victimhood!
Actually- as i got better in myself- I had to address my oversharing. In another of these MIP I clocked up over 10,000 shares. And I needed all of these to find my feet, and to find myself.
I often feel that some groups should go out to 90 minutes.
That a large group could have three or four meetings a week- so each member gets a chance to attend,
and that over time, all who choose to get to share.
I like the model that our member Iam talks about with her group[s]- which meets the needs of all. Newcomers. People struggling through the steps, and older timers. Flexible.
I believe that there is always a certain amount of anxiety- in what we share, and when, and who with.
And thanks for this share, Paul, and Freetime, and Lyne.
I feel privileged to be here.
Balance is such a simple concept and one that I can struggle with when/if I am not spiritually fit. I am so not great at it yet all feels much closer when I just do what is suggested in our program. Getting and using a sponsor does help keep me balanced. Starting my day with prayer & meditation & a daily reader does help keep me balanced. Embracing what is instead of focusing on what was or what might be helps keep me balanced. I am reminded of what I was told early on - we each get to work this program in our own time and using the tools best suited for us....at the same time, each time you (meaning I) return to Iam's will, you will struggle, perhaps even slip. It's so important for me to continuously self-asses what is happening with me, within me - how I am seeing other people, places & things vs. the reality or facts.
You all know I'm a big believer in using the Pause button. It's served me so, so well simply because my first thought when faced with life on life's terms isn't usually the best or healthiest. I still can go right to defensive or justification as I still can take things personally. For me, a sponsor has been simply golden to help me see that how I see things quite often isn't balance, fair or even accurate. I stay most sane and balanced when I'm working the program, as designed with a sponsor who came before me...
Love and light all - we're having a great weather week so I spent a big part of the day golfing. I hope you are all having a marvelous day - find and keep your joy - it's a choice!