A Saturday share... clutter and an uncluttered mind...
DavidG said
Sep 11, 2020
Kia ora koutou... Howdy y'all... ...
Generally I would get up on Saturday morning and share something. It is much later in the day now. Being a member of this group is like having four or more meetings a week. The scope is immense.
And our members are drawn from every point in the globe- a great contrast and a great strength.
From time to time I have talked about the clutter in my world. My den, and my garage and yard...
I grew up in poverty and squalor- where lawns were never mowed- nothing was ever weeded and rubbish was just left round the back of the house. This created a fair bit of shame- over what was not my primary responsibility.
I wanted to fish up the lake. Had an old kayak in the back yard- and painted the hull- so I would have a stable fishing platform. I took it up the lake on Friday night and stowed it away amongst some thick willows.
But it felt a bit unstable and shaky for me. I did have a life preserver.
In my back garage I have an old yacht I rescued from under a hedge. It was my plan one day to have it on the lake again. But I have decided to scrap the darn thing- and stick with the kayak for leisure.
The yacht takes up a whole heap of space- and I find it hard to do stuff in my garage at the best of time.
In our county our landfill charges will go up 400% early next year. A good time to move on the old yacht.
I devote more and more time to my garden- both flowers and veges.
I have mentioned a fair bit about some gladioli bulbs I got at an Alanon assembly auction three years ago. And how only one was fruitful. I am slowly propagating from it... and it is my pride and joy- with four corms now.
Slowly the deep seated shame etches away... and I can stand straight with my shoulders back- gentle and relaxed.
It is taking some time- but Rome wasn't built in a day!
Thanks for this chance to share. ...
Lyne said
Sep 12, 2020
Unfortunately I also had a great deal of shame, about my FOO, the disheveled state of my childhood home, things my parents would do or say, my brother getting in trouble in school, not having the fashionable clothes the other kids had, etc. Following that I grew into having shame about my alcoholics, and other things. I guess feeling shame was a way of life along with fear and feeling worthless. And yes, it is taking a lifetime to overcome, but with the help of program I am doing it ODAT.
JerryF said
Sep 12, 2020
Lyne thanks for the honest share and reminders about what it was like back then. We didn't have boats in the yard but we had other stuff that made home home. As a young guy helping out the need for wages I had taken over a paper route from my elder brother and worked that daily. It took 2 to 3 hours from being away from the rest of the family which grew largely when I got into program. My sponsor suggested that I learn what ever I could in order to keep me separate from the disease and those who suffered from it (ME!!) and so I did a detachment (separation) from my family of origin and lots of close friends. I didn't so much get lonely as I started to see many of the problem in my life caused by who I was forming relationships with. My family, maternal and paternal we alcoholic and addict and we had sooo much trouble with the disease that we didn't know anything about. I came to know that I didn't know about alcoholism and addiction when I got here and didn't know that I didn't know. That didn't make things easier...it made it so much worse.
Working the program; steps, traditions, slogans, literature Experiences, Strengths and Hope from others and following the examples of the elders...saved my life and I got introduced to a Power Greater than myself who I hang around with constantly so I can listen to His guidance and suggestions constantly.
Keep coming back cause this works when we work it. ((((Hugs))))
Maresie888 said
Sep 13, 2020
I grew up in poverty too. I also grew up with a mother who was a hoarder right ip until she died.
I have my own issues with hoarding. I have been decluttering but it is hard going
Maresie
DavidG said
Sep 14, 2020
Thanks, Lyne, Jerry and Maresie... ...
Three years ago I would not recall your three names in sequence, let alone the spelling!
I used to joke that a trouble shared was a trouble doubled!
A little bit of humour, and an ounce of gratitude does go along way for me.
Thanks for being here! ...
DavidG said
Sep 14, 2020
Wednesday 15th. Morning...
I don't think that we can share enough-in my world.
I have been trying to reduce the noise- and the clutter- in my sharing here, with this group.
I have always been a good listener- almost to a fault!
But i must reach a balance and share some too!
I have two sheep here- clearing up the ranks growth on a small property we have.
We have a tenant in the house- which used to pay the mortgage. Thankfully the mortgage is gone now... ...
I do have a list of 8 or 15 chores i need to do. Some more important than others...
When i was growing up on the farm this list- of things to do kept on getting longer and longer.
What happened I began to take over responsibility for the adult in my life. Their world was disintegrating.
So I was on a slippery slope that got steeper and steeper.
So I developed survival skills- but they were not a very good adaptation, really.
My SO wants me to go out to the vineyards. Because of lockdown wages have gone up to $NZ 25 per hour.
But on the two or three properties we own my time is worth about $40 and hour. In terms of equity, rather than money earned.
It is spring here, of course- and the sun is streaming in.
i have done this activity a lot in recent years. A form of journalling i choose to call squirrelling.
Identical to the shares I would have shared at an Alanon meeting.
But maybe here I get the equivalent of three of four meetings a week here, with MIP Alanon.
And so do a lot of other people! ...
...and there is really no time limit.
Getting back to my topic this morning:- I still have to show a certain amount of discipline.
I no longer have a lot of pressing current issues. I see these surface here- and I appreciate this enormously...
It does serve to keep me in touch with the core issues of Alanon.
When I began working the programme here- my posts were chocker full of typos.
A necessary beginning. Now not so much at all.
Progress, not perfection... ...
Maresie888 said
Sep 20, 2020
This week I.managed to some central parts of my to.do.list done. Then I was vfc exhausted
Unfortunately the pandemic causes every single thing to be complicated. Normally a visit to.my favorite coffee house is smooth and plannable. Now with the covid 19.changed it is a dismal chore of ridiculous obstacles.
Multiply that by times ten when it comes to medical.issues. just getting into the facility takes 15 minutes. I have a host of nedical issues ti deal with
So unfortunately to do lists are pretty hard to work on during the pandemic.
I will have to work on acceptance around that because there is no end in sight with the psndemic
I also have to work on.ways to not get to exhaustion because it is too hard to come back from it. My.days of rebounding are over
Maresie
Lyne said
Sep 21, 2020
Hi David. My mom was a hoarder and my A is a hoarder. Our home together has areas that I am horrified that anyone will see. Occasionally we need a worker for help with something, and my A feels nothing about the mountains of mess. In my home where I live near my son, I do not have mountains of unwanted and unused things. I will admit I do get clutter in my head now and then, but program helps me straighten that out!
DavidG said
Sep 21, 2020
We had an orchard in the day- I am talking about the '60's here. Our kitchen and dining room were seperate- and old mining shack. During the year the table, and the whole dining area would disappear under clothing- and all sorts of stuff. And we would eat off of the table in the kitchen. Our aunt, with six kids, would arrive in the summer and clean out the room. [Our once went home and back to work after New Year]. She cleaned and cooked during the fruit season. Tidy home, tidy mind could be my motto.
I am trying to complete a book- have done all the research.
I do have trouble completing projects... but manage some tasks from time to time.
Progress, not perfection.
DavidG said
Sep 21, 2020
This me me, in our kitchen.
There is a coal range, just to the left...
Maresie888 said
Sep 21, 2020
I lived under piles of clothes in the house i grew up in. My mother moved. She took all that clutter with her. Thstis rooms full of it.
I have been decluttering. I.was stymied by the heat. When temperatires are over 100 degree's moving bags of stuff is not oractical
I have managed to move a lot of stuff. Moving in.and out of my apartment was complicated by having so much stuff.
That is one project I.intend to.work on over the holidays.
Making progress has to be measured.
My.former roommate's home is full of clutter. His yard is full of clutter. He had a roommate who was kind enough to leave him a roomful of clutter and a car in the diveway.
I know how oppressive clutter is. One of my big goals is and was to have a comfortable home. I know I have a whole inventory over having clutter. The qualifier was a hoarder. He oicked up all manner of things and stacked them up.
I am resolute I will never live with another hoarder. 4 months with the roommate was enough. Piles of clothes everywhere No room for me. That is not to say I did not bring too much stuff with me.
Having enough is a hard one for me. Having the right things to be comfortable is another
Growing up in a house with a hoarder is a form of neglect. In.so many ways the neglect is one of the hardest things I have to work on.
The affect of growing up.under that mountain of stuff (all of it old and useless). Is insidious.
I had a boyfriend a few years ago who was also a hoarder.
It is a form of obsessuve compulsive disorder. The issue was a huge probkem that I eventually had to walk away from.
I have worked diligently since I have been back in my partment on this. The heat wave stopped me being able to donate things lthat is not to mention the fires). Now I have to get back on track i know how out of control these issues get.
Thank you for bringing uo this topic.
Maresie
DavidG said
Sep 21, 2020
I will take that image down now... I replaced it with one of my brother, cousin, pony and dog. May choose another...
...my clutter is beyond manageable- after years of letting go... it is manageable and i find things I could use or treasure.
Kia ora koutou... Howdy y'all...
...
Generally I would get up on Saturday morning and share something. It is much later in the day now. Being a member of this group is like having four or more meetings a week. The scope is immense.
And our members are drawn from every point in the globe- a great contrast and a great strength.
From time to time I have talked about the clutter in my world. My den, and my garage and yard...
I grew up in poverty and squalor- where lawns were never mowed- nothing was ever weeded and rubbish was just left round the back of the house. This created a fair bit of shame- over what was not my primary responsibility.
I wanted to fish up the lake. Had an old kayak in the back yard- and painted the hull- so I would have a stable fishing platform. I took it up the lake on Friday night and stowed it away amongst some thick willows.
But it felt a bit unstable and shaky for me. I did have a life preserver.
In my back garage I have an old yacht I rescued from under a hedge. It was my plan one day to have it on the lake again. But I have decided to scrap the darn thing- and stick with the kayak for leisure.
The yacht takes up a whole heap of space- and I find it hard to do stuff in my garage at the best of time.
In our county our landfill charges will go up 400% early next year. A good time to move on the old yacht.
I devote more and more time to my garden- both flowers and veges.
I have mentioned a fair bit about some gladioli bulbs I got at an Alanon assembly auction three years ago. And how only one was fruitful. I am slowly propagating from it... and it is my pride and joy- with four corms now.
Slowly the deep seated shame etches away... and I can stand straight with my shoulders back- gentle and relaxed.
It is taking some time- but Rome wasn't built in a day!
Thanks for this chance to share.
...
Lyne thanks for the honest share and reminders about what it was like back then. We didn't have boats in the yard but we had other stuff that made home home. As a young guy helping out the need for wages I had taken over a paper route from my elder brother and worked that daily. It took 2 to 3 hours from being away from the rest of the family which grew largely when I got into program. My sponsor suggested that I learn what ever I could in order to keep me separate from the disease and those who suffered from it (ME!!) and so I did a detachment (separation) from my family of origin and lots of close friends. I didn't so much get lonely as I started to see many of the problem in my life caused by who I was forming relationships with. My family, maternal and paternal we alcoholic and addict and we had sooo much trouble with the disease that we didn't know anything about. I came to know that I didn't know about alcoholism and addiction when I got here and didn't know that I didn't know. That didn't make things easier...it made it so much worse.
Working the program; steps, traditions, slogans, literature Experiences, Strengths and Hope from others and following the examples of the elders...saved my life and I got introduced to a Power Greater than myself who I hang around with constantly so I can listen to His guidance and suggestions constantly.
Keep coming back cause this works when we work it. ((((Hugs))))
Thanks, Lyne, Jerry and Maresie...
...
Three years ago I would not recall your three names in sequence, let alone the spelling!
I used to joke that a trouble shared was a trouble doubled!
A little bit of humour, and an ounce of gratitude does go along way for me.
Wednesday 15th. Morning...
I don't think that we can share enough-in my world.
I have been trying to reduce the noise- and the clutter- in my sharing here, with this group.
I have always been a good listener- almost to a fault!
But i must reach a balance and share some too!
I have two sheep here- clearing up the ranks growth on a small property we have.
We have a tenant in the house- which used to pay the mortgage. Thankfully the mortgage is gone now...
...
I do have a list of 8 or 15 chores i need to do. Some more important than others...
When i was growing up on the farm this list- of things to do kept on getting longer and longer.
What happened I began to take over responsibility for the adult in my life. Their world was disintegrating.
So I was on a slippery slope that got steeper and steeper.
So I developed survival skills- but they were not a very good adaptation, really.
My SO wants me to go out to the vineyards. Because of lockdown wages have gone up to $NZ 25 per hour.
But on the two or three properties we own my time is worth about $40 and hour. In terms of equity, rather than money earned.
It is spring here, of course- and the sun is streaming in.
i have done this activity a lot in recent years. A form of journalling i choose to call squirrelling.
Identical to the shares I would have shared at an Alanon meeting.
But maybe here I get the equivalent of three of four meetings a week here, with MIP Alanon.
And so do a lot of other people!
...
...and there is really no time limit.
Getting back to my topic this morning:- I still have to show a certain amount of discipline.
I no longer have a lot of pressing current issues. I see these surface here- and I appreciate this enormously...
It does serve to keep me in touch with the core issues of Alanon.
When I began working the programme here- my posts were chocker full of typos.
A necessary beginning. Now not so much at all.
Progress, not perfection...
...
We had an orchard in the day- I am talking about the '60's here. Our kitchen and dining room were seperate- and old mining shack. During the year the table, and the whole dining area would disappear under clothing- and all sorts of stuff. And we would eat off of the table in the kitchen. Our aunt, with six kids, would arrive in the summer and clean out the room. [Our once went home and back to work after New Year]. She cleaned and cooked during the fruit season. Tidy home, tidy mind could be my motto.
I am trying to complete a book- have done all the research.
I do have trouble completing projects... but manage some tasks from time to time.
Progress, not perfection.
This me me, in our kitchen.
There is a coal range, just to the left...
I will take that image down now... I replaced it with one of my brother, cousin, pony and dog. May choose another...
...my clutter is beyond manageable- after years of letting go... it is manageable and i find things I could use or treasure.