Doing the Fourth Step inventory, the author of today's reading thought they were doing it all wrong. Then they realized, with Higher Power's help, that their life-long problem had been that they always felt inadequate -- no matter what they were doing, it wasn't good enough. Now they have a better perspective on this self-doubt. It was an effect of living for years with problem drinkers. Now they recognize the feeling for what it is, accept that it is a feeling, and don't assume that feeling is valid.
Today's Reminder: Step Four offers me a chance to find some balance. It helps me to identify the things I've been telling myself about myself, and to learn whether or not those things are true. Today I will take one of my assumptions about myself and hold it up to the light. I may find that it stems from habit rather than reality.
Quote from Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage: "Let me realize...that self-doubt and self-hate are defects of character that hinder my growth."
---------------------------
When I got into Al-Anon and heard about Step Four, I assumed it would be about confessing to all that was wrong and bad about myself. I was in so much despair that I was willing to do that, if that's what it would take to recover. I would have to uncover my character defects, and I was quite sure I had a lot of them, since my self-esteem was not great.
But guess what? As today's quote states, self-doubt and self-hate are defects of character! My character! And it can only do me good to remove them. Thinking that I have too many defects is not balanced, it's defective! I can grow more by recognizing my strengths, since my self-i,age was unbalanced.
These days, I am a lot kinder to myself -- which is exactly what my sponsor suggested. Being kind to myself, I have more capacity to be understanding and kind to others.
Iamhere said
Sep 11, 2020
Good morning MIP - thank you Freetime for your service, the daily and your share. I too arrived at Al-Anon with a whole set of 'meisms' that I didn't even know were 'there'....It is the process of Step work that helped me better see me and change me. I am more open and willing today to accept me as I am, grow and change as I can and just find my joy in what I do, one day at a time.
My sponsor gently yet persistently kept asking me, "What is it about you or within you that takes 'that' personally?" I struggled to answer this question and similar ones for a long, long while. As more was revealed to me, I did struggle from self-esteem, self-doubt and a belief that I was inferior to others. Filled with more fear than I could manage, identify or handle, my coping mechanism was to either fight or flight - I had absolutely no knowledge on how to compromise and/or process events objectively.
With practice and a deep belief that my HP wants me and all others to be truly happy, joyous and free, I'm better today at changing that which I can - me. The steps of this program have given me many tools to live my life 'more better' and I am grateful.
Today, I choose to remember all those affected by the tragedy that happened to US 19 years ago. Betty has been on my mind as I know she felt pain each year on this day, recalling those she lost. For all who were directly or indirectly affected, please know I send prayers for comfort and peace for this solemn anniversary. (((Hugs))) to all!
Lyne said
Sep 11, 2020
Thanks FT for your service and for both above great shares. I came to alanon as a devoted doormat to many who abused and controlled me. It started in my FOO by a raging brother, and then continued for several decades by a variety of alcoholics. What a life! No self-esteem, no courage, a total loser is how I felt.
OMG those Steps, with the help of my sponsor, brought me to a new understanding of myself: acceptance. Yes, I have character defects, but I also have assets Betty made me look at. Part of my work with her was to name an asset of mine daily, and when I couldn't do it, she named one of mine easy as pie. What a gift it was working with her, and all that alanon has to offer.
Maresie888 said
Sep 11, 2020
How grear to.hear more takes of Betty
I.did not like the 4th step vecause of course I was already deeply.crotical of myself
Any more criticism and I.would just buckle umder
I was of course a #doormat# prome tsrget to be bullied as well as someone who was deeply lonely
The lonely issue has vern removed becuse of course I keep myself very very busy
I am moving towards z place of being responsible for my own happiness. That is a feat I.never would have realized before i.am grateful to be at that point
Maresie
DavidG said
Sep 11, 2020
I have done the steps four times- and sometimes wonder if i did them properly.
Progress, not perfection... step 10 is a good back-up.
mamalioness said
Sep 12, 2020
Ohhh Freetime, I loved your share (boy can i relate) and what you said about your experience on it (BOY can I relate) I thought step 4 was an indictment, a "bash me" session that MIGHT bring me some clarity and some direction....I hungered to be better, to do better to FEEL better, and like you, I am starting to be more kind , accepting of ME AS I AM....and step 4 is more balanced...i find myself saying "good job" and "you did good" on this or that....I see GOOD in me as much as the bad...and I can , with discipline and work, I CAN eliminate or at least manage the negative parts of me
Doing the Fourth Step inventory, the author of today's reading thought they were doing it all wrong. Then they realized, with Higher Power's help, that their life-long problem had been that they always felt inadequate -- no matter what they were doing, it wasn't good enough. Now they have a better perspective on this self-doubt. It was an effect of living for years with problem drinkers. Now they recognize the feeling for what it is, accept that it is a feeling, and don't assume that feeling is valid.
Today's Reminder: Step Four offers me a chance to find some balance. It helps me to identify the things I've been telling myself about myself, and to learn whether or not those things are true. Today I will take one of my assumptions about myself and hold it up to the light. I may find that it stems from habit rather than reality.
Quote from Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage: "Let me realize...that self-doubt and self-hate are defects of character that hinder my growth."
---------------------------
When I got into Al-Anon and heard about Step Four, I assumed it would be about confessing to all that was wrong and bad about myself. I was in so much despair that I was willing to do that, if that's what it would take to recover. I would have to uncover my character defects, and I was quite sure I had a lot of them, since my self-esteem was not great.
But guess what? As today's quote states, self-doubt and self-hate are defects of character! My character! And it can only do me good to remove them. Thinking that I have too many defects is not balanced, it's defective! I can grow more by recognizing my strengths, since my self-i,age was unbalanced.
These days, I am a lot kinder to myself -- which is exactly what my sponsor suggested. Being kind to myself, I have more capacity to be understanding and kind to others.
Good morning MIP - thank you Freetime for your service, the daily and your share. I too arrived at Al-Anon with a whole set of 'meisms' that I didn't even know were 'there'....It is the process of Step work that helped me better see me and change me. I am more open and willing today to accept me as I am, grow and change as I can and just find my joy in what I do, one day at a time.
My sponsor gently yet persistently kept asking me, "What is it about you or within you that takes 'that' personally?" I struggled to answer this question and similar ones for a long, long while. As more was revealed to me, I did struggle from self-esteem, self-doubt and a belief that I was inferior to others. Filled with more fear than I could manage, identify or handle, my coping mechanism was to either fight or flight - I had absolutely no knowledge on how to compromise and/or process events objectively.
With practice and a deep belief that my HP wants me and all others to be truly happy, joyous and free, I'm better today at changing that which I can - me. The steps of this program have given me many tools to live my life 'more better' and I am grateful.
Today, I choose to remember all those affected by the tragedy that happened to US 19 years ago. Betty has been on my mind as I know she felt pain each year on this day, recalling those she lost. For all who were directly or indirectly affected, please know I send prayers for comfort and peace for this solemn anniversary. (((Hugs))) to all!
OMG those Steps, with the help of my sponsor, brought me to a new understanding of myself: acceptance. Yes, I have character defects, but I also have assets Betty made me look at. Part of my work with her was to name an asset of mine daily, and when I couldn't do it, she named one of mine easy as pie. What a gift it was working with her, and all that alanon has to offer.
Progress, not perfection... step 10 is a good back-up.