Today's reading is all about denial. It suggests that when we come to Al-Anon, we often don't even recognize the disease of alcoholism in our lives, let alone how far it has affected and impacted us. As denial begins to lift, we often are horrified at the lies we told ourselves and others.
The reading goes on to suggest that many of us become 'truth tellers' in a way that instead of focusing on healing ourselves, we shout the truth, as we see it, to anyone who will listen. While this truth is labeled 'honesty' in our view, often it is instead an expression of scorn and anger for the alcoholic and a cry for help.
Recovery will show us the truth is just our view of a situation as seen from our tiny corner of the universe. We can't undo our past denial by blaming the alcoholic for having a disease that affects both our lives, nor by insisting we know now and 'see' the real truth.
What we can do is forgive ourselves, and accept we were doing the best we could at the time. Today, we can be honest and still be gentle with ourselves.
What I know about denial is equal to what I know about so many other things - I don't know what I don't know until more is revealed. It was easy for me to believe that if my A(s) would just change, all would be well. It was easy for me to believe that my way was the best way. It was easy for me to sit in judgement of others, ignoring my own reactions to life and life events. Lastly, it was easy for me to think that if only .... then I would be happy, joyous and free.
What I know now is I, and all others I encounter are equal beings of the same creator. We are designed to be different and we are all imperfect. At any point I am judging another for any reason at any time, I am cheating myself out of some level of joy, peace or serenity. I no longer expect a perfect house, spouse, life, kids, etc. I instead take each day as it comes and do my best to be accepting, humble and graceful. I no longer allow fear to lead me, but instead practice doing the next right thing as it presents itself.
Have a lovely Thursday - I am off to volunteer this morning at the golf course...rain is expected all day long! Beyond words excited for NFL football tonight - having a virtual watch party with family & friends - GO CHIEFS!!
Lyne said
Sep 10, 2020
Thank you IAH for your service and powerful share. I also was steeped in denial and unaware. I could only focus on my A and the changes I thought I knew that would bring peace and harmony to our life. WRONG! My son told me many times that I needed help, which fell on deaf ears. Why did I need the help??? After being sick and tired of being sick and tired, I came to program. I thought they would know how to fix my A. WRONG AGAIN! But they did bring the awareness to me that I indeed needed help, and I was able to hear it, and the rest is all good. Progress, not perfection, in all aspects of my life.
JerryF said
Sep 10, 2020
Thanks Sis for the service and support and the others who have shared their ESH. I came to understand that I needed to listen to and hear the ESH of the program on a daily basis because I had now idea what alcoholism was and how it affected me and all others around me. I needed this program daily and universally and came to believe and understand I would have to religiously practice, practice, practice it as I had been encouraged to practice the religions of my family and youth. No I don't hammer it into me as my elders and their churches hammered their various beliefs. I have come to accept what I have learned and practice because this program works like the others didn't. The miracles of recovery are real...mind, body, spirit and emotions. I can see, hear, feel and accept the miracles promised for which I am beyond grateful and feeling blessed. (((((hugs)))))
mamalioness said
Sep 12, 2020
Hey, IAH!!! Thanks for the great share and your esh on it.......YEP...denial was something I had to face very recently on a very deep level...thinking that I was "doing enough" to work my program...didn't want to face that my body was full of stored pain, just screaming (with back spasms) to get out...I ignored it...medicated it (legal meds) but did not face it and SEE that "HEY there is a part of me that is still stuck in old pain, grief, etc., and NOT getting my attention...NOT getting me to say "yea, you are there and I am now here for you" well, after the latest spasm drove me to get another toradol shot, i really sat down and thought...OK step 4, here we come and yea....I had the denial cover on as to WHY I keep having these illnesses with no nothing on scans or doctor exams....muscular, myofascial nightmares due to my not being ready, yet , to see that my inner child NEEDS ME...and until I accept and allow this all to pass through me as I nurture/nourish me, I will keep having episodes.........I can nurture /nourish and show compassion for another, its time to give that to me.....to accept I have stored pain in my body, its there...no lies...no more denying or minimizing it....it is there and I need to accept it and take right action....
Today's reading is all about denial. It suggests that when we come to Al-Anon, we often don't even recognize the disease of alcoholism in our lives, let alone how far it has affected and impacted us. As denial begins to lift, we often are horrified at the lies we told ourselves and others.
The reading goes on to suggest that many of us become 'truth tellers' in a way that instead of focusing on healing ourselves, we shout the truth, as we see it, to anyone who will listen. While this truth is labeled 'honesty' in our view, often it is instead an expression of scorn and anger for the alcoholic and a cry for help.
Recovery will show us the truth is just our view of a situation as seen from our tiny corner of the universe. We can't undo our past denial by blaming the alcoholic for having a disease that affects both our lives, nor by insisting we know now and 'see' the real truth.
What we can do is forgive ourselves, and accept we were doing the best we could at the time. Today, we can be honest and still be gentle with ourselves.
What I know about denial is equal to what I know about so many other things - I don't know what I don't know until more is revealed. It was easy for me to believe that if my A(s) would just change, all would be well. It was easy for me to believe that my way was the best way. It was easy for me to sit in judgement of others, ignoring my own reactions to life and life events. Lastly, it was easy for me to think that if only .... then I would be happy, joyous and free.
What I know now is I, and all others I encounter are equal beings of the same creator. We are designed to be different and we are all imperfect. At any point I am judging another for any reason at any time, I am cheating myself out of some level of joy, peace or serenity. I no longer expect a perfect house, spouse, life, kids, etc. I instead take each day as it comes and do my best to be accepting, humble and graceful. I no longer allow fear to lead me, but instead practice doing the next right thing as it presents itself.
Have a lovely Thursday - I am off to volunteer this morning at the golf course...rain is expected all day long! Beyond words excited for NFL football tonight - having a virtual watch party with family & friends - GO CHIEFS!!
Thanks Sis for the service and support and the others who have shared their ESH. I came to understand that I needed to listen to and hear the ESH of the program on a daily basis because I had now idea what alcoholism was and how it affected me and all others around me. I needed this program daily and universally and came to believe and understand I would have to religiously practice, practice, practice it as I had been encouraged to practice the religions of my family and youth. No I don't hammer it into me as my elders and their churches hammered their various beliefs. I have come to accept what I have learned and practice because this program works like the others didn't. The miracles of recovery are real...mind, body, spirit and emotions. I can see, hear, feel and accept the miracles promised for which I am beyond grateful and feeling blessed. (((((hugs)))))