Calmness of mind -- the writer of today's page faced a dilemma of how to fill the extra time  gained by not focusing on other people's crises. Now that the mind has become quieter, how to fill it without grabbing for old fears,  how to be mentally busy without creating our own crisis which lets us feel busy and in control?  A sponsor gave the challenge to try to maintain inner stillness even when feeling scared.  The writer learned to reassure themselves, over and over, that they are in the care of a higher power.  With effort and practice, they are learning to trust the peace.

Today's Reminder: Today I will relish my serenity.  I know it is safe to enjoy it.

Quote from an English prayer, "Be still and know that I am with you."

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I've heard of people who crave being in a crisis, perhaps to keep from focusing on their own problems. That's not me, for sure.  I can handle crisis, but I certainly don't seek it out. I have always liked peace and quiet. What happens for me is that worry and fear sneak into even my quietest, calmest moments.  There is that feeling that things are too quiet -- another shoe (crisis) is going to drop from somewhere!

Slogans and short sayings are my best tool for quickly restoring calmness of mind. "They have their own Higher Power and it isn't me" works well. Also "Higher Power, please take care of them, whatever that may mean." Also reminding myself that whatever I am fearing about the future isn't happening right now.

Busying myself with my own business, not other people's business, works well for me. Thus far, I have not been very successful at sitting meditation.  But active meditation such as yoga poses, dancing to music, or home improvement projects, seems to be my style. I think I find calmness in the weirdest places.  Just yesterday, I decided to re-caulk my shower.  I've done it before, but not very well.  This time, it was my best caulking job ever. I took time to do it right. It looks professional, if I do say so myself. It is calming for me to look at it.

MIP friends, how do you hold onto your calmness of mind?

Okay the program is set for today...Stressors know how and where and when to plant themselves in my mind and thoughts and memories and more.  It was one of those nights where all of it and them paraded before me.  Yes many of them are them that I love and much of them are very sick and bad memories of the past.  It doesn't help that I was and am just a mile or so from where the program had to start in order that I would and could even have the memories of the disease in my life and the lives of others who took the journey with me.  I am still amazed that many of the participants had the same names.

It is though staunch practice for Higher Power and me to work on inventorying my part in it and making amends for those parts. I wonder how "they" and she are doing today and pray that they are not near as sick as it once was. I have come to believe that the similarities of names is important for my Higher Power to keep me involved in recovery.  Kinda, sorta grateful even though tiredness and headaches come with it. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.(s)   (((((MIP)))))  

Yes this Bird of Paradise is just one of the beautiful memories.   ((((HP))))

  reading great shares helps with calmness, Freetime... .

I sometimes get a job well done- something complete and satisfying- but not always.

I always see it as a good sign of calmness and serenity, when I do...  

Saturday.

I wrote the above yesterday- bit it "missed the post".

I am consciously trying to make "a little less noise" in this group.

At the same time i will extend my shares- and expect to deal to my emerging issues- when I need to.  ...

I always say- never avoid not provoke a crisis. I think this is a sort of subset of the serenity prayer.

It is more about being gently assertive- when my poisonality was once absurdly passive-aggressive.

I like it that this group and forum is more like a stand-alone Alanon group- than maybe it was when started here.

Referring people on to a F2F group is a good option- but not possible for some people, for various reasons.

My dream, or goal was to be a good example of recovery. I was trying to steer clear of my own codependency.

It's early Saturday here. I rained a gentle rain overnight.

NZ had a covid fatality yesterday- for first in four months. But our country is still in a cocoon.

These days i am sleeping really well. And dreaming heaps. I usually sleep 10 hours a night. When I wake in the night I have learned to self-sooth- through breathing technique.

My therapist is a physiotherapist. A breathing and trauma expert. 

I go once a month- and do lots of homework in between. The therapy costs me $20 a week, which I can afford.

I believe that a good share should contain random and spontaneous items.

In my early days I used to rehearse my share a lot. And the reactions and responses! 

Impossible to plan ahead- of course... ...the was just the mindset. 

The English prayer you quote, Freetime I use in my weekly meditation group.

My first sitting I just repeated: 'They're changing guard at Buckingham Palace; Christopher Robin went down with Alice..."

I am sure our higher power does not mind what we actually say- or think. I do believe sometimes that we impose far too many conditions on ourselves! 

Thanks Jerry, Lyne and Geoff- for what you have added to the reading too.  ...

Thank you FT for your service and the daily....thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I do believe I was one who was used to or possibly addicted to the chaos this disease brings. I truly felt if I didn't stress and worry and fix and control and ....... the world would fall apart. Well - I began recovery and slowly worked to change my focus and obsessions and the world did not fall apart and in time, the new normal became the preferred normal.

Today, I am willing to go to any length to stay as serene as possible. This does not mean life doesn't happen nor that I deny or don't 'feel' for it. It simply means that I have a set of tools that I can pick up and work hard to let go, trust my HP and truly accept that I am only able to affect positive change in my life for me. I am a big believer that being part of the solution as often as possible is the best example I can provide to my kids, my friends, my family, etc.

It is a miracle, brought about by a power far greater than I, that I am able today to think beyond my initial thoughts, find a way to respond vs. react and truly trust the God of my understanding to lead me out of any/every situation I find myself in that doesn't feel good. It doesn't matter what it is, I know today that I can pause long enough to pray and feel the 'company' of my HP.

I do recall being very uncomfortable with the extra time/mind space I acquired when I stopped fighting everything and everyone. I created a big list of healthy alternatives from walking to music to literature to gardening, and much more and each time my mind wondered to those I love affected by this disease, I would take action - often calling my sponsor first who would remind me of this great list of healthy alternatives. I found myself in an uncomfortable situation at the grocery store this week where another shopper was angry about masks, lines, spacing, etc. and I just had to walk away....I prayed for her as I did so - this pandemic is rough on EVERYONE!

I do not like how I feel when my serenity is slipping to the side. It is extremely uncomfortable today and I really will do whatever I can to keep it close and protected - it's my true ticket to pure and real joy. Love and light to all - we are worthy of all recovery offers - keep working it - it does work when we choose to! (((Hugs)))

Thank you Freetime for your service, and to all of those who added their ESH above!

I was not addicted to the chaos. In fact, I hated it!! So much so, that it was one of the things I had to examine about myself in detail when I did my third 4th Step and was applying these answers to whether or not I wanted to stay in my marriage. I had to accept that relapse can and does happen. With relapse comes some form of chaos. I had to be brutally honest with myself here. I had to accept that in some people's eyes, I am "less than" b/c I cannot accept that in my life anymore. I had to accept that I could never be the "perfect" spouse/partner/ex-spouse.

I relish my alone time. I do not formally meditate, but I too, will "zone out" when doing projects that can be meditative in nature... gardening, art, even sometimes cleaning!! Even so, I at first had to make To Do Lists so that I could keep my mind/body busy so that I wouldn't dwell on the negative feelings in my head. It took awhile to get used to the quiet. It also took awhile for me to realize I no longer had to take up the mantle of "fixer."
Today I am grateful beyond measure for this!

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